Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the increasing rate of overweight children and adults is a worldwide health issue. Obesity is a major problem which is increasing day by day in school going children. There are various reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer some solutions.
The first cause of obesity is junk food. It is often seen that mostly children are fond of burgers, pizzas, noodles and coke. These types of foods are easily available to them in school canteens. Children love to purchase chips, chocholates, - ice-cream for lunch. Moreover, in this modern era, parents are working and they do not have time to cook at home. Parents often buy dinner for their children instead of preparing food at home. This calorie-rich diet is making children obese. This problem can be solved by teaching children to cook healthy foods for themselves and banning junk foods and fizzy drinks in schools. This diet can be replaced by milk, juice and fruits for lunch.
The second cause of obesity is sedentry life style. It is true that the use of computers and television is increasing in children. They spend most of their time watching television or playing video games on a computer. This technological advancement has reduced the level of physical activity in this specific age group. This issue can be resolved by encouraging children to do physical exercises. Parents can take their children to park to encourage playing with friends. Furthermore, schools can add sports in their curriculum to maintain physical fitness in their students.
To sum up, it is clear that main causes of obesity are unhealthy eating and not enough physical activities. This ailment can be prevented and treated by healthy eating habbits and physical exercises.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct measure Original: rate of overweight children and adults Suggested revision: prevalence of overweight among children and adults Why it matters: Prevalence, rather than rate of people, is the appropriate term for how widespread a condition is.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: increasing day by day Suggested revision: becoming more common Why it matters: Becoming more common is more precise and formal than day by day here.
- 3. Choose the quantifier Original: mostly Suggested revision: most Why it matters: Most modifies a noun group, whereas mostly is an adverb.
- 4. Fix noun agreement Original: foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is normally uncountable when referring collectively to categories of food.
- 5. Correct the spelling Original: chocholates Suggested revision: chocolates Why it matters: Chocolates is the correct spelling.
- 6. Fix list punctuation Original: - ice-cream Suggested revision: and ice cream Why it matters: The final list item needs a conjunction rather than a stray hyphen.
- 7. State the general trend Original: parents are working Suggested revision: many parents work Why it matters: The simple present with an explicit quantifier expresses this general situation more naturally.
- 8. Correct the spelling Original: sedentry Suggested revision: sedentary Why it matters: Sedentary is the correct spelling.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: do physical exercises Suggested revision: exercise Why it matters: Exercise is the more natural uncountable term for physical activity in general.
- 10. Add the article Original: to park Suggested revision: to the park Why it matters: The singular countable noun park requires the definite article in this context.
- 11. Clarify the object Original: encourage playing with friends Suggested revision: encourage them to play with friends Why it matters: Encourage requires an object before the infinitive in this construction.
- 12. Fix the preposition Original: add Suggested revision: include Why it matters: Include something in a curriculum is the natural construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- rate of overweight children and adults prevalence of overweight among children and adults
- increasing day by day becoming more common
- mostly most
- foods food
- chocholates chocolates
- - ice-cream and ice cream
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both parts clearly and organizes two relevant cause-and-solution chains around diet and inactivity, with enough explanation to sustain the argument. Its main limitation is the noticeable pattern of spelling, article, preposition, and collocation errors, which reduces polish despite clear meaning. The highest priority is careful proofreading and more natural sentence phrasing, alongside slightly fuller explanation of how the proposed measures would work.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay covers both causes and solutions with relevant explanation, although some proposed measures could be developed more fully.
Explain how each key solution would change children's habits and why it would be practical or effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear cause-and-solution structure, with focused paragraphs and generally logical progression.
Use referencing and transitions to link related claims more smoothly and avoid repetitive paragraph openings.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic-specific range for clear expression, but spelling mistakes and several awkward collocations reduce precision.
Proofread high-frequency topic words and replace unnatural phrases with accurate collocations about diet, exercise, and schooling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a mix of sentence forms successfully, though recurring article, preposition, and noun-form errors remain noticeable.
Check articles, singular-plural forms, and prepositions systematically after drafting, especially in general statements about children.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.