These days, children tend to spend a great deal of time playing computer games. Some believe this is a beneficial trend while others think it is detrimental. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many children spend a considerable amount of their time by playing computer games. While most of the people, especially parents, think that this is a waste of valuable time and this time should be utilised for learning academic lessons or taking part in outdoor activities, very few think playing computer games is helpful for children’s cognitive development. I firmly believe that children should play computer games particularly brain games and strategy games but a balance should be maintained so that it does not become an addiction. In the highly developed technological modern world, it is important for children to play computer games. Firstly, by doing this they can learn how to use computers and become familiar with new technology. Moreover, children communicate to each other at school during the break and often discuss different strategies of some particular computer game. Not only do they develop their skills and knowledge such as 3D vision, imagination, and fantasy by playing those, but also computer game is the new modern way of leisure activity for young people, which help them develop thinking patterns, have friends online and build an online world. Many computer games are great learning resources and therefore parents and teacher should supervise what type of games a child play and how much time they spend on that. On the other hand, spending too much time on computer games might be dangerous for children. For example, some children may not do their homework because they become addicted to computer games and play those most of the time. Also, children have less face-to-face communication with their friends and families as they are busy with games. Furthermore, some of youngest might even become aggressive as computer games expose them to violence and fighting. Therefore, the assistance from adults is needed to help children to keep a balance between computer games and other compulsory deals. Spending too much time can be detrimental to the children’s health, especially for their eyes. To conclude, a balance is required to ensure children are not playing computer games too much and spending a lot of time in front of computers may lead to disadvantages in other arrears of life such as social communications. However, playing computer games for learning and exploring new ideas can be a very effective way to enhance knowledge and imagination for children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove incorrect preposition Original: time by playing Suggested revision: time playing Why it matters: The verb phrase after 'spend time' takes a gerund directly without 'by'.
- 2. Use general noun phrase Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: Use 'most people' when referring generally rather than to a defined group.
- 3. Add missing noun Original: very few think Suggested revision: very few people think Why it matters: The quantifier needs a plural noun to identify who holds this view.
- 4. Set off example phrase Original: particularly brain games and strategy games but Suggested revision: , particularly brain games and strategy games, but Why it matters: Commas are needed to separate the inserted examples from the main clause.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: it Suggested revision: gaming Why it matters: The pronoun 'it' has no clear singular antecedent in this sentence.
- 6. Improve word order Original: In the highly developed technological modern world Suggested revision: In today's highly developed technological world Why it matters: The revised adjective order is more natural and precise.
- 7. Name the action Original: by doing this Suggested revision: by playing computer games Why it matters: Naming the activity makes the reference more explicit.
- 8. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: with Why it matters: The verb 'communicate' takes 'with' before another person.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: strategies of some particular computer game Suggested revision: strategies for a particular computer game Why it matters: English uses 'strategies for' an activity or game.
- 10. Match plural nouns Original: teacher Suggested revision: teachers Why it matters: The general reference requires the plural noun 'teachers'.
- 11. Fix subject agreement Original: play Suggested revision: plays Why it matters: The singular subject 'a child' requires the verb form 'plays'.
- 12. Clarify game reference Original: that Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The plural pronoun clearly refers back to the games.
Suggested Rewrites
- time by playing time playing
- most of the people most people
- very few think very few people think
- particularly brain games and strategy games but , particularly brain games and strategy games, but
- it gaming
- In the highly developed technological modern world In today's highly developed technological world
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, nuanced position that carefully chosen games can be beneficial when their use is controlled, supported by relevant discussion of learning, social, and health effects. Its main limitation is uneven language control, with frequent awkward collocations and agreement errors, while the absence of paragraph breaks weakens presentation. Prioritise dividing the argument into clear paragraphs and revising recurring word-choice and sentence-level errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear qualified position and develops relevant benefits and drawbacks with supporting explanation.
Make the central comparison more explicit by showing why controlled educational use ultimately outweighs unrestricted gaming.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from benefits to risks and conclusion, but the response is presented as one continuous block.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with focused controlling ideas.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, although recurring inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward expressions with natural combinations, especially around leisure, communication, supervision, and harmful effects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is attempted, but agreement, article, pronoun, and noun-form errors recur.
Proofread each long sentence for subject-verb agreement and accurate singular-plural forms before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, children tend to spend a great deal of time playing computer games. Some believe this is a beneficial trend while others think it is detrimental. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.