Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that the present time is less convenient for the children’s outgrowth as they are over headed with enormous study materials by the school authorities. Therefore, they are simply stuck inside the home and unable to experience the fresh air of outside world. However, it is very fundamental for the beginners to comprehend and get the taste of natural environment.
First of all, a child has a growing mind who seeks to learn more about the surroundings. For instance, keeping children at home all the hours will hamper their natural growth of physical appearances, as well as their minds. Sometimes, they could develop some disease conditions such as vit- D deficiency and skin cancers etc. Further, modern life may foot the bill of child’s psychological changes. They may suffer from depression, social phobias and some other childhood disorders. Furthermore, children may develop some personality disorders also. Thus, nowadays this issue has sparked the heated debate and world is trying to find out the solutions.
As regarding the fact that, outside environment is truly essential for the bond between human and nature. Without realising the beauty of nature, our future generation will not able to respect them properly. Apparently, many trees are knocked down and woods are cleaned out, resulting in natural calamity and this is due to inefficient love and respect towards the environment. Moreover, social bonding is also a crucial factor, though in present time young’s are getting friends and social relationships on the web by facebook, twitter, Instagram etc but those are not healthy bonds for child’s growth. To add with, playing outside with friends may give a proper joy and liveable life.
To summarise, we can not deny the rapidity of present life where slow lives could not last for the long run, nevertheless, children should get the opportunity to see the outside earth despite passing hours indoors that will not offer them a healthy and pleasant life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify modern conditions Original: the present time is less convenient Suggested revision: modern life is less conducive Why it matters: Conducive accurately describes conditions that do not support children's development.
- 2. Use children's development Original: the children’s outgrowth Suggested revision: children's development Why it matters: Outgrowth does not mean the process of children growing and developing.
- 3. Use overloaded Original: over headed Suggested revision: overloaded Why it matters: Overloaded is the correct word for being burdened with excessive work.
- 4. Use excessive schoolwork Original: enormous study materials Suggested revision: excessive schoolwork Why it matters: Schoolwork is the natural uncountable term for a heavy academic workload.
- 5. Use indoors Original: inside the home Suggested revision: indoors Why it matters: Indoors expresses the location concisely and naturally.
- 6. Use the outdoors Original: fresh air of outside world Suggested revision: fresh air outdoors Why it matters: The revised phrase avoids the unnatural of outside world construction.
- 7. Use essential Original: very fundamental Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: Fundamental already expresses a strong degree and is not naturally modified by very.
- 8. Refer to children Original: the beginners Suggested revision: children Why it matters: Beginners does not identify the young people discussed in the prompt.
- 9. Use experience nature Original: get the taste of natural environment Suggested revision: experience the natural environment Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses direct exposure to nature naturally.
- 10. Fix relative structure Original: who Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Who cannot refer to mind, so coordination correctly links the child's two qualities.
- 11. Use all the time Original: hours Suggested revision: time Why it matters: All the time is the standard expression for continuous duration.
- 12. Use physical development Original: growth of physical appearances Suggested revision: physical development Why it matters: Physical appearance does not mean the process of bodily growth.
Suggested Rewrites
- the present time is less convenient modern life is less conducive
- the children’s outgrowth children's development
- over headed overloaded
- enormous study materials excessive schoolwork
- inside the home indoors
- fresh air of outside world fresh air outdoors
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its clear belief that contact with nature matters and its range of relevant themes, including health, environmental responsibility, and social development. Its main limitation is that several ideas focus generally on the harms of staying indoors, include questionable claims, or are expressed unclearly; the highest-priority improvement is to explain directly how specific outdoor experiences teach children to understand and appreciate nature, using accurate evidence and simpler language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The central position is clear and relevant reasons are offered, but development is uneven and sometimes shifts away from learning to understand and appreciate nature.
Connect every body-paragraph example directly to how exposure builds children's knowledge, appreciation, or responsible behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable progression and paragraph structure, although list-like development and faulty linking sometimes weaken the flow.
Organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea and remove connectors that do not express the actual logical relationship.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic and shows ambition, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Use familiar, precise expressions for child development and outdoor experience instead of forcing less familiar words into unsuitable contexts.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, clauses, punctuation, and word forms reduce accuracy and clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences with secure subject-verb agreement and articles before combining ideas into longer structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.