Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Unlike before, younger ones give more time to computer games nowadays than participating in physical sports because it is stress-free and accessible to several games on the internet. However, I believe that it is a wrong development among the children because it does not give room for physical practice and good body development.
In the first place, technology is fast taking over everything in the world’s whole nations, which is one reason children are doing away with physical involvement in sports. For instance, internet games require no stress before you play them. All you need is download it on your phones or laptops and begin to play it by pressing the device’s buttons or using a pad. Such games are car race, boxing, football, wrestling, etc. Furthermore, there is access to several sports events on the internet at the comfort of their homes, the reason they would not go to the pitch to search for any. For example, car racing is not a common sport; meanwhile, this is available in different forms on the computer.
On the other hand, physical involvement in sporting activities is very advantageous. It gives a chance for direct practices and good body development, unlike when you are just viewing it on your computer. For example, playing football with other colleagues on the field increases your confidence, unlike pressing the buttons on your device.
In conclusion, it is a destructive development for the little ones to concentrate more time on internet games than the sporting activities in the present days because it denies them physical training and bodybuilding. After all, they will not be as strong as those who exercise themselves always.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: wrong Suggested revision: negative Why it matters: “Negative development” is the natural phrase for an undesirable trend.
- 2. Clarify affected group Original: among the children Suggested revision: for children Why it matters: The development has consequences for children rather than occurring among them.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: does not give room for Suggested revision: leaves little room for Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the limited opportunity more naturally.
- 4. Choose precise noun Original: practice Suggested revision: activity Why it matters: “Physical activity” is the appropriate term for exercise and sport.
- 5. Use precise expression Original: good body development. Suggested revision: healthy physical development. Why it matters: This replacement states the intended developmental benefit accurately and naturally.
- 6. Use standard term Original: internet Suggested revision: online Why it matters: “Online games” is the conventional term for games accessed through the internet.
- 7. Fix infinitive structure Original: All you need is download it Suggested revision: All you need to do is download a game Why it matters: The construction requires “to do,” and “a game” supplies a clear singular object.
- 8. Fix preposition and number Original: on your phones or laptops Suggested revision: onto your phone or laptop Why it matters: A game is downloaded onto a device, and singular nouns agree with the generic “you.”
- 9. Name device precisely Original: pad Suggested revision: controller Why it matters: “Controller” is the standard term for the device used to play a game.
- 10. Use activity noun Original: race Suggested revision: racing Why it matters: The list names types of games or activities, so the activity form is required.
- 11. Use logical contrast Original: ; meanwhile, this Suggested revision: , but it Why it matters: “But” correctly contrasts the sport’s limited physical availability with its computer version.
- 12. Clarify game format Original: on the computer Suggested revision: as a computer game Why it matters: This wording makes clear that car racing is available in a simulated form.
Suggested Rewrites
- wrong negative
- among the children for children
- does not give room for leaves little room for
- practice activity
- good body development. healthy physical development.
- internet online
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear negative position and a straightforward structure, and it addresses both why children prefer computer games and why this trend is harmful. However, the reasons and consequences are repetitive and only partly developed, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each main idea with a clearer causal explanation and a specific, natural example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions and maintains a clear negative position, but its reasons and effects are only moderately developed and sometimes repetitive.
Explain each cause and harmful consequence in greater depth, using a distinct and clearly relevant example for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses through a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, although some linking is mechanical and the negative-effect paragraph is underdeveloped.
Use topic sentences and logical internal sequencing to build each paragraph around one fully developed central idea.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the argument, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise choices reduce flexibility and accuracy.
Replace awkward phrases with natural combinations such as accessible online games, physical exercise, and healthy physical development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in articles, verb forms, agreement, and clause construction limit accuracy.
Prioritise accurate sentence patterns, especially infinitive structures, article use, and agreement, before adding more complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.