Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of children playing computer games? What can be done to minimize the bad effects of children playing computer games?
Sample Response
People use computers more extensively these days than ever before, and it is so widespread in our modern world that even children have access to these devices for playing games. This essay discusses the adverse impacts of playing digital games on computer devices by youngsters and suggests some measures to reduce its negative effects. Concerning the adverse impacts of young children playing video games, the most devastating one is the addiction these games create. Millions of dollars are spent to make computer games so that they attract a large number of audiences and keep them glued to the computer screens. So they are addictive by design. And this obsession hampers children's outdoor activities, studies and even time to socialise and learn important life skills. To illustrate, many research works suggest that children who spend many hours playing computer games each day end up performing poorly in schools and avoid social events and outdoor activities. It results in physical and psychological issues including poor eyesight and despair. Moreover, violent games cloud the youngsters' judgement and make their rational thinking unstable. Oftentimes, youngsters who play violent games develop violent behaviours. To cite an example, an unfortunate shooting event that claimed many innocent lives, that took place in an American school a few years ago, was carried out by a teenager who was addicted to shooting games. To minimise the severity of these negative impacts, parents must monitor what their children are doing, especially on computers. They should not be allowed to play computer games for more than a couple of hours each week, and parents can actively participate in those games with their children so that it becomes family time. An ideal example of it could be my aunt and uncle who play video games with their children, and as a result, children are also interested in doing outdoor activities with them. Finally, parents can use parental control over the digital content and games their children watch or play. These measures would deter children from downloading and playing games that are not suitable for their age. To conclude, computer games, when played excessively by children, have many detrimental effects. Proper parenting and monitoring seem like the best solution to solve these problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise task term Original: playing digital games on computer devices by youngsters Suggested revision: children playing computer games Why it matters: The revision uses the established term from the task and removes an awkward passive phrase.
- 2. Clarify who is affected Original: the adverse impacts of young children playing video games Suggested revision: the negative effects on young children who play video games Why it matters: The revision makes children the affected group and states the relationship more clearly.
- 3. Use measured wording Original: the most devastating one Suggested revision: the most serious effect Why it matters: The revision identifies the noun directly and avoids exaggerated wording.
- 4. Use cautious causation Original: the addiction these games create Suggested revision: the addiction these games can cause Why it matters: ‘Can cause’ expresses the proposed effect without presenting it as inevitable.
- 5. Use singular collective noun Original: a large number of audiences Suggested revision: a large audience Why it matters: ‘Audience’ is a collective count noun here and should be singular.
- 6. Clarify the pronoun Original: So they are addictive Suggested revision: These games are therefore addictive Why it matters: The revision identifies the referent and integrates the causal transition.
- 7. Use formal connection Original: And this obsession hampers Suggested revision: This obsession also hampers Why it matters: The revision avoids a sentence-opening conjunction and links the additional effect clearly.
- 8. Restore parallel list Original: activities, studies and even time to socialise Suggested revision: activities, studies, and even their time to socialise Why it matters: The added possessive and comma make the three list items grammatically parallel.
- 9. Use standard research noun Original: many research works Suggested revision: many studies Why it matters: ‘Studies’ is the standard countable term for individual pieces of research.
- 10. Use idiomatic place phrase Original: performing poorly in schools Suggested revision: performing poorly at school Why it matters: Academic performance is conventionally described as occurring ‘at school’.
- 11. Name the cause Original: It results in physical Suggested revision: This excessive gaming can result in physical Why it matters: The revision gives ‘It’ a clear referent and states the causal claim explicitly.
- 12. Use precise effect verb Original: cloud the youngsters' judgement Suggested revision: impair youngsters' judgement Why it matters: ‘Impair judgement’ is the more precise formal collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- playing digital games on computer devices by youngsters children playing computer games
- the adverse impacts of young children playing video games the negative effects on young children who play video games
- the most devastating one the most serious effect
- the addiction these games create the addiction these games can cause
- a large number of audiences a large audience
- So they are addictive These games are therefore addictive
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both parts thoroughly, with a clear explanation of addiction and several practical parental controls supported by relevant examples. Its strongest feature is the breadth and development of content, while the absence of paragraph breaks and occasional overgeneralised claims weaken precision and readability. Prioritise organising impacts and solutions into distinct paragraphs and qualifying claims about violence and health with more measured reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are directly and extensively addressed through several developed impacts and practical solutions.
Qualify broad claims about violent games and health effects so the supporting reasoning remains credible and precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly from negative effects to parental solutions, but the single-block presentation weakens organisation.
Create separate introduction, impacts, solutions, and conclusion paragraphs, each centred on a clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys meaning effectively despite some awkward or imprecise combinations.
Refine collocations such as 'a large number of audiences', 'many research works', and 'use parental control over'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled, with occasional fragments and cumbersome sentence construction.
Avoid beginning formal points with fragmentary 'So' or 'And' clauses and simplify overextended relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of children playing computer games? What can be done to minimize the bad effects of children playing computer games?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.