Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate or pay attention in school. What could be the possible reasons for this? Which are the solutions you can propose?
Sample Response
It is true that children face a lot of challenges in their schools these days to give complete focus on academics due to various reasons. Even though there are many causative factors, parents and teachers can take several steps to mitigate these issues.
There are many reasons behind the lack of concentration among school children in classrooms. First and foremost, unlike the past, today the number of broken and single-parent families is increasing. Children from such families cannot focus completely on their studies as they are not mentally healthy and happy. For example, in India, a recent survey report showed that failure rate is much higher among children who come from problematic families than the other children. Next, nutritional status is another important fact. Since pupils have more things to study, they often skip breakfast to save time. As a result, they become fatigued and weak easily when they reach schools and it affects negatively in their academic performance. Other important reasons for the lack of attention among children in schools are increasing air and noise pollutions, unhealthy diets, addition to computer games and insufficient parenting.
However, there are several ways to tackle these problems effectively. I believe the most obvious solution is that parents should maintain a healthy and comfortable environment at home, which provides mental pleasure and energy to children for performing in school appropriately. Besides, they will be happy instead of unreasonable mental agony and psychological depression. Consequently, they can achieve higher grade or score in examinations. A further step would be to encourage nutritional intake of children by parents and teachers. Parents should prepare a balanced diet for students and moreover, they should promote and cultivate nutritional healthier habits. Next, nutritional classes should be organised in school premises to increase the awareness among pupils. The teacher should make sure that the classes are interesting and children’s can enjoy them. It is natural that when a classroom does not grab the attention of children, they will feel disconnected and bored. Enough emphasis should be put on making lessons suitable for children. Parents should make sure a healthy lifestyle and balanced diet for their school going children.
To conclude, despite many causes and risk factors, parents and teachers can share a collective responsibility to enhance the concentration of children at school and studies to a large extent.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the construction Original: to give complete focus on academics Suggested revision: to focus fully on their studies Why it matters: The verb 'focus' is used directly here, and the possessive makes the reference clear.
- 2. Add the article Original: failure rate Suggested revision: the failure rate Why it matters: A singular countable noun referring to the surveyed rate requires the definite article.
- 3. Complete the comparison Original: than the other children Suggested revision: than among other children Why it matters: The comparison is between rates among two groups, so 'among' is required.
- 4. Use the correct noun Original: important fact Suggested revision: important factor Why it matters: Nutrition is presented as a contributing cause, so 'factor' is the appropriate noun.
- 5. Use the idiomatic form Original: reach schools Suggested revision: reach school Why it matters: 'School' is normally uncountable when referring generally to attendance or the school setting.
- 6. Correct word order Original: it affects negatively in their academic performance Suggested revision: this negatively affects their academic performance Why it matters: 'Affect' takes a direct object, and the adverb naturally precedes the verb.
- 7. Use uncountable pollution Original: air and noise pollutions Suggested revision: air and noise pollution Why it matters: 'Pollution' is uncountable when naming these general environmental problems.
- 8. Correct the word Original: addition to computer games Suggested revision: addiction to computer games Why it matters: 'Addiction,' not 'addition,' expresses compulsive engagement with games.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: mental pleasure Suggested revision: emotional well-being Why it matters: This phrase more naturally describes the positive mental state intended here.
- 10. Correct the purpose phrase Original: for performing in school appropriately Suggested revision: to perform well at school Why it matters: The infinitive expresses purpose, while 'well at school' is the natural collocation.
- 11. Use plural nouns Original: higher grade or score Suggested revision: higher grades or scores Why it matters: The general reference to examination outcomes requires plural countable nouns.
- 12. Clarify the intended action Original: encourage nutritional intake of children Suggested revision: improve children's nutritional intake Why it matters: The original verb does not collocate naturally with 'intake.'
Suggested Rewrites
- to give complete focus on academics to focus fully on their studies
- failure rate the failure rate
- than the other children than among other children
- important fact important factor
- reach schools reach school
- it affects negatively in their academic performance this negatively affects their academic performance
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both causes and solutions and organises them into a clear progression, with useful development of family circumstances, nutrition, and classroom engagement. Its main limitation is that several causes are merely listed and the solution section becomes repetitive, while frequent collocation and grammatical errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to select fewer cause-solution pairs, explain their connection directly, and proofread agreement, word forms, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered with several relevant ideas, although some causes are listed without explanation and solutions are unevenly developed.
Choose two or three principal causes and pair each with a clearly explained, practical solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a logical overall structure, but the long solution paragraph repeats nutrition points and weakens progression.
Divide and order the solutions by cause, removing repeated advice about diet and home life.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur regularly.
Use more natural combinations such as concentrate on studies, affect performance, and addiction to computer games.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted successfully enough to keep meaning clear, but agreement, article, possessive, and preposition errors recur.
Edit each sentence for agreement and noun form, particularly plurals, possessives, and dependent prepositions.