In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Weight-related issues have been on the rise in certain countries resulting in fitness levels moving towards a downward trail. The cause of the issue and preventive measures that can be taken is addressed in this article.
The major causes of weight gain in human beings can be attributed to dietary habits and a sedentary lifestyle. The human body is primarily designed to do physical work to digest the food consumed. Inadequate physical exercise leads to fat getting deposited mostly around the stomach and waist areas. Modern food habits are also a major contributor to weight gain. Excess consumption of processed and fatty foods can result in an obese and disease-prone body. Technological development has produced machines that perform work which was once done entirely by humans. This has caused human beings to become lazy and rely on machines even for the smallest possible physical work.
Research has shown that citizens of countries whose government emphasis on physical activities (sports) in schools and universities lead a disease-free life. While the issue of weight gain is a serious one, there are a number of simple measures that can be taken to address it. A personal acquaintance of mine had major issues with obesity. Regulated food habits, combined with a disciplined lifestyle and plenty of physical exercises worked wonders for him. Within a matter of months, he became leaner, fitter and extremely cheerful. Governments should create health-awareness programs that throw light on the ill-effects of weight gain and the numerous benefits of maintaining good health. Public swimming pools, jogging grounds should be provided and citizens must avail them at every opportunity.
As the old adage goes “A sound mind resides in a sound body”. It is the responsibility of each individual to maintain proper body weight and set an example to their near and dear ones to achieve the goal of a disease-free society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Collocation Original: towards a downward trail Suggested revision: on a downward trend Why it matters: Downward trend is the natural expression for falling fitness levels.
- 2. Subject-verb agreement Original: The cause of the issue and preventive measures that can be taken is addressed Suggested revision: The causes of the issue and the preventive measures that can be taken are addressed Why it matters: The compound subject is plural, so use are.
- 3. Simpler wording Original: in human beings Suggested revision: in people Why it matters: People is more natural in this essay context.
- 4. Precise meaning Original: do physical work to digest Suggested revision: stay physically active and digest Why it matters: Physical work does not directly digest food; activity supports health.
- 5. Formal structure Original: fat getting deposited Suggested revision: fat being deposited Why it matters: Being deposited is more formal than getting deposited.
- 6. Natural collocation Original: even for the smallest possible physical work Suggested revision: even for minor physical tasks Why it matters: Tasks is a better noun than work here.
- 7. Verb form Original: government emphasis on physical activities Suggested revision: governments emphasise physical activity Why it matters: Use the verb emphasise and make governments plural.
- 8. Agreement Original: lead a disease-free life Suggested revision: tend to lead healthier lives Why it matters: The plural subject citizens needs a plural object and a more cautious claim.
- 9. Uncountable use Original: physical exercises worked wonders Suggested revision: physical exercise worked wonders Why it matters: Exercise is usually uncountable when referring to general activity.
- 10. Formal phrase Original: throw light on the ill-effects Suggested revision: highlight the harmful effects Why it matters: Highlight is clearer and more common in academic writing.
- 11. Missing conjunction Original: Public swimming pools, jogging grounds should be provided Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Add and between the two facilities in the compound subject.
- 12. Verb pattern Original: must avail them Suggested revision: should make use of them Why it matters: Avail is not used this way in modern English.
Suggested Rewrites
- towards a downward trail on a downward trend
- The cause of the issue and preventive measures that can be taken is addressed The causes of the issue and the preventive measures that can be taken are addressed
- in human beings in people
- do physical work to digest stay physically active and digest
- fat getting deposited fat being deposited
- even for the smallest possible physical work even for minor physical tasks
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay answers both parts of the question with clear causes and practical measures, though some support is general and the conclusion adds a broad moral point rather than a final policy summary.
End by briefly restating the main causes and the most important solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and ideas progress logically from causes to solutions, with generally effective linking.
Make the final paragraph more directly connected to the question instead of shifting to a general saying.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly accurate, with useful health-related terms, but a few collocations are unnatural.
Refine phrases such as downward trend, governments emphasise, physical exercise, and make use of facilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled, with a range of sentence forms, though there are several agreement and word-form errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and plural forms in topic sentences and recommendations.