In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.
Sample Response
The employment crisisJob crisis is one of the mostone the most critical problems for almost all of the countries and there areand the there are lots of negative consequences for unemployed young peoplethe unemployment young and the society. The people are now more aware of educationaware now about the education and the percentage of the people going to the colleges and universities is higher than ever beforeare more than anytime it had before. So as a result, more students are graduating from the colleges and universities but with the increased population and limited opportunities, no one can guarantee employmentnone can ensure the employment for all the graduating young people.
There are many problems concerning those unemployed young people. First of all, they become so depressed and feel dejected. They start abusing drugs and start doing unethical things that are harmful both for themselves and for the society. Since they need money but have no steady income source so they become involved ininvolve them with criminal activitiessome heinous task like drug dealing, stealing, robbery, blackmailing etc. They are often misused as political pawns and thus they corrupt the society at largeat a large.
If a society cannot ensure economic freedoms and jobs for the young, then it must suffer from numerous ethical disorders and social calamities. The crime rateThe rate of crimes increases and as young are the most dominating portion of any society, they become difficult to controlthey gone uncontrolled and thus steal the peace of the whole society.
A government as well asthe individuals should take many prudent steps to reduce the level of unemployment. For instance, the government should try to increase the employment opportunitiesjob fields in every sector. Self-employment should be encouraged and the opportunity of SME loan should be introduced at a larger portion. Interest-free loans should be offered to those fresh graduates to encourage them to buildencourage them building their own businesses and companies. Again, a government can arrange to send those skilled graduates to foreign countries diplomatically and thus can earn lots of foreign revenue.
Finally, the individual should be self-motivated and hardworking to develop their own situation and help the society to become a better place to live in alongsidebeside the efforts of the Government.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both the personal and social consequences of youth unemployment and offers several relevant measures, with the discussion of crime, self-employment, and graduate finance giving the essay useful substance. Its main weakness is persistent awkward wording and grammatical inaccuracy, so the highest priority is to express each cause-and-effect link in cleaner, more controlled sentences and support the proposed policies more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant problems and a reasonably developed range of government and individual measures.
Develop the feasibility and likely effect of the proposed loans, job creation, and overseas employment measures rather than listing them briefly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear problem-to-solution sequence, though some paragraphs overlap and several links are mechanically expressed.
Give each body paragraph one distinct controlling idea and connect supporting points with explicit, accurate cause-and-effect progression.
Lexical Resource
There is a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, including some less common items, but frequent collocational errors reduce precision.
Use natural combinations such as unemployed young people, employment opportunities, and on a larger scale instead of awkward approximations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and clause construction occur frequently.
Prioritise accurate subject-verb agreement and rebuild overloaded sentences into shorter clauses with clearly expressed grammatical relationships.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.