In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.
Sample Response
Job crisis is one the most critical problems for almost all of the countries and the there are lots of negative consequences for the unemployment young and the society. The people are aware now about the education and the percentage of the people going to the colleges and universities are more than anytime it had before. So as a result, more students are graduating from the colleges and universities but with the increased population and limited opportunities, none can ensure the employment for all the graduating young people.
There are many problems concerning those unemployed young people. First of all, they become so depressed and feel dejected. They start abusing drugs and start doing unethical things that are harmful both for themselves and for the society. Since they need money but have no steady income source so they involve them with some heinous task like drug dealing, stealing, robbery, blackmailing etc. They are often misused as political pawns and thus they corrupt the society at a large.
If a society cannot ensure economic freedoms and jobs for the young, then it must suffer from numerous ethical disorders and social calamities. The rate of crimes increases and as young are the most dominating portion of any society, they gone uncontrolled and thus steal the peace of the whole society.
A government as well the individuals should take many prudent steps to reduce the level of unemployment. For instance, the government should try to increase the job fields in every sector. Self-employment should be encouraged and the opportunity of SME loan should be introduced at a larger portion. Interest-free loans should be offered to those fresh graduates to encourage them building their own businesses and companies. Again, a government can arrange to send those skilled graduates to foreign countries diplomatically and thus can earn lots of foreign revenue.
Finally, the individual should be self-motivated and hardworking to develop their own situation and help the society to become a better place to live in beside the efforts of the Government.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: Job crisis Suggested revision: The employment crisis Why it matters: This phrase identifies the specific labour-market problem more precisely.
- 2. Add missing preposition Original: one the most Suggested revision: one of the most Why it matters: The superlative structure requires 'of' after 'one'.
- 3. Delete extra article Original: and the there are Suggested revision: and there are Why it matters: The article 'the' is ungrammatical before the existential phrase 'there are'.
- 4. Correct word form Original: the unemployment young Suggested revision: unemployed young people Why it matters: Use the adjective 'unemployed' and name the people it describes.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: aware now about the education Suggested revision: now more aware of education Why it matters: The adjective 'aware' takes 'of', and the comparative expresses the stated increase.
- 6. Fix comparison agreement Original: are more than anytime it had before Suggested revision: is higher than ever before Why it matters: The singular subject 'percentage' takes 'is', and this is the idiomatic comparison.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: none can ensure the employment Suggested revision: no one can guarantee employment Why it matters: 'Guarantee employment' is the natural collocation for assuring that jobs are available.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: involve them with Suggested revision: become involved in Why it matters: The intended meaning requires the passive-style phrase 'become involved in'.
- 9. Match listed examples Original: some heinous task Suggested revision: criminal activities Why it matters: The listed offences are multiple activities rather than one unspecified task.
- 10. Use fixed expression Original: at a large Suggested revision: at large Why it matters: The fixed expression meaning society generally is 'at large'.
- 11. Use compound noun Original: The rate of crimes Suggested revision: The crime rate Why it matters: 'Crime rate' is the standard compound noun for the frequency of crime.
- 12. Correct verb phrase Original: they gone uncontrolled Suggested revision: they become difficult to control Why it matters: The original lacks a finite verb and uses an unnatural complement.
Suggested Rewrites
- Job crisis The employment crisis
- one the most one of the most
- and the there are and there are
- the unemployment young unemployed young people
- aware now about the education now more aware of education
- are more than anytime it had before is higher than ever before
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both the personal and social consequences of youth unemployment and offers several relevant measures, with the discussion of crime, self-employment, and graduate finance giving the essay useful substance. Its main weakness is persistent awkward wording and grammatical inaccuracy, so the highest priority is to express each cause-and-effect link in cleaner, more controlled sentences and support the proposed policies more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant problems and a reasonably developed range of government and individual measures.
Develop the feasibility and likely effect of the proposed loans, job creation, and overseas employment measures rather than listing them briefly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear problem-to-solution sequence, though some paragraphs overlap and several links are mechanically expressed.
Give each body paragraph one distinct controlling idea and connect supporting points with explicit, accurate cause-and-effect progression.
Lexical Resource
There is a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, including some less common items, but frequent collocational errors reduce precision.
Use natural combinations such as unemployed young people, employment opportunities, and on a larger scale instead of awkward approximations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and clause construction occur frequently.
Prioritise accurate subject-verb agreement and rebuild overloaded sentences into shorter clauses with clearly expressed grammatical relationships.