Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Most people would accept that the life of a human being is more valuable than million dollars. Unfortunately, avaricious companies don't hold the same opinion. Every day, hundreds of workers around the globe die because of unspent money to safety. In this essay, I shall examine who should be accounted for safety issues in a workplace and what measures can be taken to prevent accidents.
We live in a capitalist world that is led by mercenary companies that do not care about anything other than low expenses and high profits. The only thing that might scare managerial cadre of a company would be high taxes, compensations and fines. This statement may sound harsh, but one should only look at the death rate of workers in countries that do not have deterrent sanctions for negligent employers to see the bitter truth. The mine explosion in Turkey with 300 deceased workers would be a good example to illustrate this argument. This brings us to the main actor who can bring the most disincentive measure into this problem- the government. There are a variety of potential ways of combating this problem. One preventive measure would be that to compel companies to employ at least one health and safety consultant who will directly report to the corresponding ministry about the company's internal safety applications. Another measure would be unannounced regular audits. Besides these two preventive measures, astronomical fines and to close companies that insist on compromising safety guidelines should be devised as a main, deterrent measure.
My conclusion is that it is the regulations of governments that can save workers against employers. To tackle this problem, safety guidelines and disincentive penalties should be devised and carried on by governments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article Original: than million dollars Suggested revision: than a million dollars Why it matters: A singular countable quantity needs an article.
- 2. Wrong phrase Original: unspent money to safety Suggested revision: money not spent on safety Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and unclear.
- 3. Correct passive phrase Original: who should be accounted for safety issues Suggested revision: who should be held accountable for safety issues Why it matters: Use held accountable for when discussing responsibility.
- 4. Reduce tone Original: mercenary companies Suggested revision: profit-driven companies Why it matters: This is more neutral and appropriate for an IELTS essay.
- 5. Add article Original: scare managerial cadre Suggested revision: scare the managerial cadre Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article, though managers would be more natural.
- 6. Precise penalties Original: high taxes, compensations and fines Suggested revision: heavy fines, compensation payments, and legal penalties Why it matters: These terms fit workplace safety enforcement more precisely.
- 7. Natural phrasing Original: deceased workers Suggested revision: workers killed Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural in this example.
- 8. Wrong collocation Original: bring the most disincentive measure into this problem Suggested revision: introduce the strongest deterrent measures for this problem Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic.
- 9. Fix verb pattern Original: One preventive measure would be that to compel companies Suggested revision: One preventive measure would be to compel companies Why it matters: Use would be to plus base verb.
- 10. Wrong noun Original: internal safety applications Suggested revision: internal safety practices Why it matters: Practices is the correct noun for workplace procedures.
- 11. Parallel structure Original: fines and to close companies Suggested revision: fines and company closures Why it matters: The two items in the list should have the same grammatical form.
- 12. Article and order Original: should be devised as a main, deterrent measure Suggested revision: should be devised as the main deterrent measures Why it matters: The plural measures need matching grammar.
Suggested Rewrites
- than million dollars than a million dollars
- unspent money to safety money not spent on safety
- who should be accounted for safety issues who should be held accountable for safety issues
- mercenary companies profit-driven companies
- scare managerial cadre scare the managerial cadre
- high taxes, compensations and fines heavy fines, compensation payments, and legal penalties
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay clearly argues that government should take primary responsibility and proposes inspections, safety consultants, fines, and closures. It addresses both parts of the task, though the tone is sometimes overgeneralised and the role of employers and workers is underdeveloped.
Keep the government argument, but add a short explanation of employers' direct duty to provide training, maintenance, and protective equipment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear introduction, developed body paragraph, and conclusion. Progression is logical, but the long second paragraph contains several different measures and would be easier to follow if divided.
Split the body into one paragraph on responsibility and one paragraph on practical safety measures.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, with terms such as sanctions, negligent employers, audits, and deterrent measures. Some word choices are too emotive or inaccurate, which weakens academic tone.
Use firm but neutral wording, replacing highly charged terms with precise workplace-safety language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a range of complex structures, but errors with prepositions, passive forms, articles, and verb patterns occur throughout. Meaning is clear despite these errors.
Check verb patterns after compel, insist on, and be responsible for, and edit long sentences for article and preposition accuracy.