In many countries today, the eating habit and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The globalisation era nowadays is changing children habit to compare with the previous era in the aspect of eating habit and lifestyle. Some people believe that the eating habit and lifestyle have negative effects on children's life especially their health and poor friendship. In my opinion, it is a fact that children eating habit and lifestyle have changed dramatically that has dangerous influences. The drawback of it will be presenting on this paper.
First of all, eating habit will affect the children health. It is important to notice that the current children commonly find out the easiest and the fastest way to find the food. Many ways to acquire the food but one better and faster way is fast food or junk food, which is provided in every corner of a city such as hamburger, pizza, etc. It is important to become aware of that this kind of food is not containing nutrition. Meanwhile, in the young ages are better to consume nutrition food which useful for their brain. The drawback of eating fast food is getting obesity, which is becoming common illness of young people nowadays.
Moreover, children lifestyle also leads to lack of socialising with other people. More and more children nowadays spend time playing computer games in their bedroom which have beneficial outcomes to train their mind. In contrast, this habit has many disadvantages, for example, becoming addicted which lead to the lack of contact with their friends and also get sick because they never do exercises. Furthermore, the children should be able to manage time wisely between playing computer games and socialising with other people.
In conclusion, it should be put in our attention that children activities nowadays are different to several years ago. Most today children’s habits are eating and playing computer games which affect their health, for example, obesity. The parents are responsible for helping their children to prevent them from any kinds of illness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural and punctuation Original: children's life especially Suggested revision: children's lives, especially Why it matters: The general reference requires plural “lives,” and the added detail should be separated by a comma.
- 2. Clarify the social effect Original: poor friendship Suggested revision: weak social relationships Why it matters: “Weak social relationships” naturally describes the intended negative effect on children's friendships.
- 3. Use possessive and plural Original: children eating habit Suggested revision: children's eating habits Why it matters: The habits belong to children and are discussed generally, requiring a possessive plural phrase.
- 4. Fix the result clause Original: changed dramatically that has dangerous influences Suggested revision: changed dramatically, with harmful effects Why it matters: The revision replaces the ungrammatical relative clause with a clear result phrase.
- 5. Fix voice and preposition Original: will be presenting on this paper Suggested revision: will be presented in this essay Why it matters: The passive future requires “presented,” and ideas appear “in” an essay.
- 6. Use plurals and possession Original: eating habit will affect the children health Suggested revision: eating habits affect children's health Why it matters: The general claim requires plural “habits,” possessive “children's,” and the simple present.
- 7. Avoid repeated wording Original: the easiest and the fastest way to find the food Suggested revision: the easiest and fastest way to obtain food Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated article and replaces the repeated verb “find” with “obtain.”
- 8. Use simple present Original: is not containing nutrition Suggested revision: does not contain adequate nutrition Why it matters: A general property takes the simple present, and “adequate nutrition” expresses the intended deficiency.
- 9. Use the adjective form Original: getting obesity Suggested revision: becoming obese Why it matters: People become “obese”; they do not “get obesity” in formal English.
- 10. Add the article Original: becoming common illness Suggested revision: becoming a common condition Why it matters: The singular countable complement requires an article, and “condition” is the natural medical noun.
- 11. Use possessive plural agreement Original: children lifestyle also leads Suggested revision: children's lifestyles also lead Why it matters: The lifestyles belong to children, and the plural subject requires “lead.”
- 12. Clarify the social result Original: to lack of socialising Suggested revision: to less socialising Why it matters: “Less socialising” naturally describes a reduction in interaction.
Suggested Rewrites
- children's life especially children's lives, especially
- poor friendship weak social relationships
- children eating habit children's eating habits
- changed dramatically that has dangerous influences changed dramatically, with harmful effects
- will be presenting on this paper will be presented in this essay
- eating habit will affect the children health eating habits affect children's health
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear opinion and organises two relevant concerns around unhealthy food and sedentary computer use, so the central message remains easy to follow. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate grammar and awkward vocabulary, which make explanations imprecise and sometimes difficult to process; development also becomes repetitive or drifts toward socialising. The highest-priority improvement is to build each health effect through clear cause-and-result sentences using accurate basic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a clear agreement position and relevant health-related ideas, but support is simple and occasionally drifts from health effects.
Develop each point with a precise causal chain linking the changed habit to a specific health consequence, keeping social effects secondary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and basic progression support comprehension, although linking is mechanical and some sentences do not connect logically within the argument.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and organise each body paragraph around one sequence of habit, mechanism, and health result.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss diet and lifestyle, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms noticeably reduce precision.
Practise natural health-related phrases such as nutritious food, become obese, lack exercise, and children's habits instead of translating word combinations directly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, plurals, clauses, and verb forms weaken control.
Focus first on complete subject-verb structures and agreement, then check articles and singular-plural forms in every sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries today, the eating habit and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.