Some people think that children should aim their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
On the one hand, children should be encouraged to aim their best at whatever they do at their earlier stage of life. This will help build them up in terms of self-confidence and determination, which will help the children achieve great things in life. For instance, it was reported by road sports magazine in 2002 in an interview with the editor that the famous football player named Samuel Eto had always aimed to become a star which prompted him to be determined and put more effort into achieving his goal.
On the other hand, the topmost effort is not compulsory for children, and they should not be border about them being at the top of their games all the time. That is to say, they are too young to understand this fact, and this lesson will be learned when they can comprehend what it means and its benefits. Secondly, mountain pressures on kids to perform excellently at all times may lead to most children avoiding challenging tasks and difficult situations.
In my opinion, kids need to focus on what so ever activities they want to do. This will aid them to achieve greater heights in individual academies and careers, also boast self-confidence and self-reliance is learnt from achieving their best.
In conclusion, some believe kids should focus on doing their best, while others believe this is not mandatory. I am of the opinion that kids need to aim for the best at all tasks. This will assist them in character-building in terms of self-confidence and reliance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct fixed expression Original: aim Suggested revision: do Why it matters: The standard expression is do one's best rather than aim one's best.
- 2. Use natural preposition Original: at Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In is the natural preposition with doing one's best in an activity.
- 3. Correct article and phrase Original: at their earlier stage of life Suggested revision: at an early stage in life Why it matters: The general reference needs an and the standard preposition is in life.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: help build them up in terms of Suggested revision: help them develop Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same developmental effect more directly.
- 5. Avoid repetitive reference Original: which will help the children Suggested revision: which can help them Why it matters: The pronoun avoids repeating children and improves the sentence's flow.
- 6. Clarify intended meaning Original: the topmost effort is not compulsory Suggested revision: doing their best should not be compulsory Why it matters: Topmost effort is not a natural expression for the idea of children always doing their best.
- 7. Use correct participle Original: border Suggested revision: bothered Why it matters: The passive construction requires the past participle bothered.
- 8. Correct pronoun and idiom Original: about them being at the top of their games Suggested revision: about being at the top of their game Why it matters: The subject is already clear, and the fixed expression uses game in the singular.
- 9. Show causal link Original: That is to say Suggested revision: This is because Why it matters: The following sentence gives a reason rather than restating the previous claim.
- 10. Clarify vague reference Original: too young to understand this fact Suggested revision: too young to understand the importance of doing their best Why it matters: The replacement makes the vague reference to this fact explicit without changing the claim.
- 11. Correct word form Original: mountain pressures on kids Suggested revision: mounting pressure on children Why it matters: Mounting pressure is the correct expression for increasing pressure.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: perform excellently Suggested revision: perform exceptionally well Why it matters: This adverb phrase combines naturally with perform.
Suggested Rewrites
- aim do
- at in
- at their earlier stage of life at an early stage in life
- help build them up in terms of help them develop
- which will help the children which can help them
- the topmost effort is not compulsory doing their best should not be compulsory
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly covers both positions and states a consistent opinion, with a recognisable progression from each view to the writer's judgement. Development is uneven, however: the opposing view is vaguely explained, and frequent awkward or inaccurate expressions weaken precision and sentence control. The highest-priority improvement is to explain why constant pressure may harm children through a clear causal example, then revise recurring word-choice and clause-structure errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, but the case against always doing one's best is only partly developed and sometimes unclear.
Explain the opposing view through a concrete chain showing how excessive pressure can create anxiety, avoidance, or fear of failure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical four-paragraph structure, although some internal links are mechanical and a few sentences combine ideas unclearly.
Use clearer referencing and topic-led progression within paragraphs instead of relying mainly on formulaic transition phrases.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss motivation and pressure, but frequent inaccurate choices such as mountain pressures and boast self-confidence reduce precision.
Check unfamiliar vocabulary for meaning and collocation, and prefer accurate common phrases such as excessive pressure and boost confidence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are both attempted, but recurring agreement, pronoun, and clause-construction errors sometimes strain readability.
Practise constructing complete complex sentences with one clear subject and verb in each clause, then check agreement systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that children should aim their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.