In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It has recently been suggested that the way children eat and live nowadays has led to a deterioration in their health. I entirely agree with this view, and believe that this alarming situation has come about for several reasons. To begin with, there is the worrying increase in the amount of processed food that children are eating at home, with little or none of the fresh fruit and vegetables that earlier generations ate every day. Secondly, more and more young people are choosing to eat in fast-food restaurants, which may be harmless occasionally, but not every day. What they eat there is extremely high in fat, salt and sugar, all of which can be damaging to their health. There is also a disturbing decline in the amount of exercise they get. Schools have become obsessed with exams, with the shocking result that some pupils now do no sports at all. To make matters worse, few even get any exercise on the way to and from school, as most of them go in their parents’ cars rather than walk or cycle. Finally, children are spending far more time at home, playing computer games, watching TV or surfing the Internet. They no longer play outside with friends or take part in challenging outdoor activities. To sum up, although none of these changes could, on its own, have caused widespread harm to children’s health, there can be little doubt that all of them together have had a devastating effect. This, in my opinion, can only be reversed by encouraging children to return to move traditional ways of eating and living.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: the way children eat and live nowadays Suggested revision: children’s current eating and lifestyle habits Why it matters: This phrasing states the same idea more precisely and concisely.
- 2. Remove unnecessary comma Original: this view, and believe Suggested revision: this view and believe Why it matters: A comma should not separate two verbs that share the same subject.
- 3. Use correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The first mention of a nonspecific increase requires the indefinite article.
- 4. Tighten the phrase Original: the amount of processed food that children are eating Suggested revision: the amount of processed food children eat Why it matters: The simpler construction conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 5. Match noun quantities Original: with little or none of the fresh fruit and vegetables Suggested revision: with little fresh fruit and few vegetables Why it matters: Little fits the uncountable noun fruit here, while few agrees with the countable plural vegetables.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: few even get any exercise Suggested revision: few children even get any exercise Why it matters: Naming children removes a momentarily vague pronoun reference.
- 7. Keep forms parallel Original: go in their parents’ cars rather than walk or cycle Suggested revision: travel in their parents’ cars rather than walking or cycling Why it matters: The coordinated alternatives need parallel grammatical forms.
- 8. Avoid redundancy Original: all of them together have had Suggested revision: their combined effect has had Why it matters: Combined already expresses the idea conveyed by all and together.
- 9. Name the referent Original: This, in my opinion, can only be reversed Suggested revision: This trend can, in my opinion, only be reversed Why it matters: Naming the trend makes the backward reference clearer.
- 10. Correct the typo Original: move Suggested revision: more Why it matters: More is the intended comparative modifier before traditional.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Secondly, more and more young people are choosing to eat in fast-food restaurants, which may be harmless occasionally, but not every day. Suggested revision: Secondly, more and more young people are choosing to eat in fast-food restaurants, a habit that may be harmless occasionally but not every day. Why it matters: The original relative clause incorrectly makes restaurants, rather than the habit of eating there, seem harmless.
Suggested Rewrites
- the way children eat and live nowadays children’s current eating and lifestyle habits
- this view, and believe this view and believe
- the a
- the amount of processed food that children are eating the amount of processed food children eat
- with little or none of the fresh fruit and vegetables with little fresh fruit and few vegetables
- few even get any exercise few children even get any exercise
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by a well-controlled sequence of relevant dietary and lifestyle causes. Its main limitation is that the discussion is presented as one continuous block and relies mostly on general claims rather than developed evidence. Prioritise dividing the argument into focused paragraphs and extending one or two causes with more specific causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully answers the extent question with a clear position and several relevant, logically explained causes of poorer health.
Develop one or two causes with a specific example or a fuller explanation of how the behaviour produces the stated health effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear signposting, although the single-block presentation and repeated listing transitions weaken the organisation.
Separate the introduction, grouped causes, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with a clear central focus for each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural across the topic, with only an isolated word-choice slip near the end.
Proofread the final version for small lexical slips and replace broad evaluative words with exact evidence where possible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the rare error does not impede meaning.
Maintain the strong control while varying sentence openings and checking every comparative or modifier phrase during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.