Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some believe that children should be free to make mistakes, others argue that preventive measures should be taken by parents to ensure that children do nothing wrong. In my opinion, I side with the latter notion.
To begin with, hampering children from causing mishaps is advantageous to an extent. First, it can prevent mortality when it comes to dangerous situations such as touching a naked wire with wet hands or crossing the road without looking at the traffic lights. Without parental guidance, children may perform these actions and harm themselves, which could be extremely probable among toddlers who have not had full control of their actions and proper understanding of their surroundings. Therefore, children should be educated on essential knowledge for survival before they have any chance to hurt themselves.
On the other hand, advocates of allowing children to make mistakes freely also have grounds to believe why this practice is beneficial. Firstly, children will learn to become responsible. As children face consequences from their choices, the lessons learnt will stay with them longer. This is because the repercussions can instill fear of the wrongdoings into children and prevent them from taking similar courses of action. Another point is that having the autonomy to make mistakes will equip children with sharper minds. To be more specific, having to come up with a solution for their mishaps will help children develop problem solving skills and build their confidence should these resolutions prove to be useful.
All in all, although parents’ intervention is beneficial in some cases, letting children learn from their mistakes has more positives for children’s development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct construction Original: preventive measures should be taken by parents Suggested revision: parents should intervene Why it matters: The active construction is clearer and less cumbersome than the passive phrase.
- 2. Avoid an absolute claim Original: ensure that children do nothing wrong Suggested revision: prevent children from making harmful mistakes Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended protective role more precisely than the absolute “nothing wrong.”
- 3. Use the appropriate noun Original: notion Suggested revision: view Why it matters: “View” is the natural noun for one side of a stated debate.
- 4. Correct the word choice Original: hampering children from causing mishaps Suggested revision: preventing children from making dangerous mistakes Why it matters: “Hamper” means impede and does not fit the intended idea of protecting children from mistakes.
- 5. Use a precise collocation Original: prevent mortality Suggested revision: prevent fatal accidents Why it matters: “Prevent fatal accidents” accurately describes avoiding dangerous incidents, whereas mortality is not normally used this way.
- 6. Choose the standard term Original: a naked wire Suggested revision: an exposed wire Why it matters: “Exposed wire” is the conventional term for an uninsulated electrical wire.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: educated on essential knowledge for survival Suggested revision: taught essential safety knowledge Why it matters: People are taught knowledge, while “educated on knowledge” is an unnatural construction.
- 8. Clarify the purpose link Original: before they have any chance to hurt themselves Suggested revision: so that they are less likely to hurt themselves Why it matters: The purpose clause states the intended preventive relationship more logically than the time clause.
- 9. Correct the clause pattern Original: have grounds to believe why Suggested revision: have reasons to believe that Why it matters: “Believe” introduces the proposition with “that,” while “why” is ungrammatical in this structure.
- 10. Correct the preposition Original: As children face consequences from their choices Suggested revision: When children face the consequences of their choices Why it matters: Consequences arise “of” choices, and “when” clearly marks the recurring situation.
- 11. Clarify what is feared Original: fear of the wrongdoings Suggested revision: fear of repeating those mistakes Why it matters: The revision identifies the future behaviour children are expected to avoid.
- 12. Correct the preposition Original: into Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The standard pattern is to instil a feeling “in” someone.
Suggested Rewrites
- preventive measures should be taken by parents parents should intervene
- ensure that children do nothing wrong prevent children from making harmful mistakes
- notion view
- hampering children from causing mishaps preventing children from making dangerous mistakes
- prevent mortality prevent fatal accidents
- a naked wire an exposed wire
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is logically organized and uses varied sentence structures to explain both perspectives with relevant examples. Its main limitation is the direct contradiction between the introduction, which supports adult prevention, and the conclusion, which favors learning through mistakes; the highest-priority improvement is to choose one qualified position, state its limits clearly, and sustain it consistently throughout the discussion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are relevantly developed, but the stated opinion reverses between the introduction and conclusion, leaving the overall position inconsistent.
Choose one position and make the body evaluation and conclusion consistently support that judgment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and logical progression, with cohesive devices guiding the reader effectively.
Use the transitions between views to signal how the two arguments lead to the final judgment rather than merely separating them.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, though several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Replace unnatural phrases such as hampering children from causing mishaps with simpler, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and generally well controlled, and errors rarely impede meaning.
Review clause references and preposition patterns to eliminate awkward constructions in otherwise accurate complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.