In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many children involved in different types of jobs to have some kind of financial assurance for themselves. However, whether this is good for their development and personality is a much debatable issue. I personally believe that paid works is harmful for children for several reasons. It is said that children learn valuable experience in the work place. This may be true. However, I would argue that children are mainly employed for jobs that require manual work and are low paid. The recent statistic reveals the common tasks that children are assigned are washing dishes, cleaning floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, this kind of jobs actually do not provide children with necessary and useful skills so that they can apply in their future carrer.
This brings me to the second point. Defenders of child work argues that it is an effective method of learning. The point is children should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Although this is undoubtedly true, it also means that children may neglect the classroom study and even fail the class. The worst thing is yet to come. They may become so occupied with the benefits ahead of them like small salary and leave school.
Finally, supporters said that it helps them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how it is difficult to earn money and therefore have a compassionate view with their parents. This is true to a certain extent, but may have a totally adverse effect on children. As children can make money at an early age, they would feel that it is appropriate to spend on luxury things by their own money, which could be recovered later.
In conclusion, I think that parents should take measures to restrict their child to work, otherwise it would have a negative consequences on their futures.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the finite verb Original: many children involved Suggested revision: many children are involved Why it matters: The sentence needs the auxiliary ‘are’ to form the passive verb phrase.
- 2. Use the right collocation Original: assurance Suggested revision: security Why it matters: ‘Financial security’ is the standard expression for having reliable financial support.
- 3. Choose the right intensifier Original: much Suggested revision: highly Why it matters: ‘Highly’ naturally modifies the adjective ‘debatable’.
- 4. Use an uncountable noun Original: works Suggested revision: work Why it matters: ‘Work’ is uncountable in this general sense and takes a singular verb.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The adjective ‘harmful’ takes the preposition ‘to’.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: learn Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: People ‘gain’ experience rather than ‘learn’ it.
- 7. Match demonstrative and noun Original: this kind of jobs Suggested revision: these kinds of jobs Why it matters: The demonstrative, kind, and job nouns all need plural forms here.
- 8. Add the article Original: do not provide children with necessary Suggested revision: do not provide children with the necessary Why it matters: The coordinated specific skills require the definite article ‘the’.
- 9. Use a relative clause Original: so that they can apply Suggested revision: that they can apply Why it matters: A relative clause is needed to modify ‘skills’; the purpose linker ‘so that’ does not fit.
- 10. Correct the spelling Original: carrer Suggested revision: career Why it matters: ‘Career’ is misspelled in the response.
- 11. Fix agreement and wording Original: Defenders of child work argues Suggested revision: Defenders of child labour argue Why it matters: The plural subject takes ‘argue’, and ‘child labour’ is the conventional term.
- 12. Add the linking word Original: The point is children Suggested revision: The point is that children Why it matters: ‘That’ is needed to introduce the clause explaining the point.
Suggested Rewrites
- many children involved many children are involved
- assurance security
- much highly
- works work
- for to
- learn gain
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a consistent opinion and usefully engages with opposing claims before rebutting them. Its main limitation is that some arguments, especially the final point about spending and responsibility, are insufficiently explained and occasionally unclear because of inaccurate wording. The highest priority is to make each causal link explicit and then proofread for recurring agreement, article, word-form, and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The opinion is clear throughout, and the response offers several relevant reasons, though some support is general or logically incomplete.
Fully explain how each example proves that paid work harms children, particularly the final claim about earning and spending money.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a sensible sequence, with each paragraph advancing a distinct rebuttal to a claimed benefit of child work.
Replace mechanical transitions such as 'This brings me to the second point' with links that state the logical relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss education, work, and responsibility, but frequent word-form and collocation errors reduce precision.
Learn and check natural combinations such as 'paid work', 'gain valuable experience', 'career', and 'spend money on luxury items'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted successfully, but frequent agreement, article, plural, and preposition errors remain noticeable.
Prioritize subject-verb and noun agreement, especially constructions such as 'children are involved', 'supporters argue', and 'these kinds of jobs do not'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.