Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn cooperation and teamwork from sports. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Sport plays a significant role in shaping the development of children, with some arguing that it primarily teaches them how to compete, while others assert that it fosters collaboration and teamwork. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present the viewpoint that sports can effectively instil the spirit of teamwork and cooperation skills in children if a friendly and conducive team sporting environment is offered to them.
On the one hand, proponents of the idea that sports teach children how to compete emphasize the individual aspects of certain sports and the pursuit of personal achievements. In competitive sports such as athletics and swimming, children often strive to improve their personal bests and aim to outperform others. This competitive approach fosters a sense of determination, and a drive to succeed in fierce contests. For instance, when children compete in track and field events, they tend to surpass others and become the winners through competition.
On the other hand, those who believe that sports encourage cooperation and alliance highlight the collective nature of team sports like football, basketball, and cricket. In team sports, children learn the importance of cooperation and communication with their teammates to achieve common objectives. By working together towards a shared goal, children develop interpersonal skills and an understanding of the benefits of collective effort. For example, in a football match, players need to coordinate their movements, pass the ball strategically, and support each other to score goals, showcasing the essence of teamwork.
In conclusion, sports provide a platform for children to develop a skill set encompassing cooperation and teamwork. The key lies in promoting a positive approach to sports education, where children can participate in a variety of team sports that cater to individual growth and collective learning. Therefore, it is expected that children would be encouraged to participate in various team sports and learn to cooperate to become collborative and supportive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: shaping the development of children Suggested revision: shaping children's development Why it matters: The possessive form expresses this relationship more directly and naturally.
- 2. Repair the collocation Original: instil the spirit of teamwork and cooperation skills Suggested revision: instil a spirit of teamwork and cooperation Why it matters: The original mixes the incompatible structures 'spirit of' and 'skills'.
- 3. Use the idiomatic singular Original: improve their personal bests Suggested revision: improve their personal best Why it matters: Each child is understood to have one current personal best in this context.
- 4. Remove the stray comma Original: determination, and a drive Suggested revision: determination and a drive Why it matters: A comma should not separate two coordinated noun phrases here.
- 5. Avoid redundant wording Original: become the winners through competition Suggested revision: win Why it matters: The shorter verb conveys the same outcome without repeating the idea of competition.
- 6. Choose the precise noun Original: cooperation and alliance Suggested revision: cooperation and teamwork Why it matters: Alliance is not the natural term for coordination among players in a team sport.
- 7. Fix the modal structure Original: it is expected that children would be encouraged Suggested revision: children should be encouraged Why it matters: The original impersonal construction combines present expectation with 'would' awkwardly.
- 8. Correct the spelling Original: collborative Suggested revision: collaborative Why it matters: Collaborative is misspelled in the response.
- 9. Use a direct verb Original: plays a significant role in Suggested revision: significantly influences Why it matters: The direct verb makes the opening more concise without changing the claim.
- 10. State the claim directly Original: present the viewpoint that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: The concise reporting verb presents the writer's view more directly.
- 11. Clarify the description Original: the individual aspects of certain sports Suggested revision: the individual nature of certain sports Why it matters: Nature more precisely describes how these sports are organised around individual performance.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: the pursuit of personal achievements Suggested revision: the pursuit of individual achievement Why it matters: The singular abstract noun is more natural when describing a general aim.
Suggested Rewrites
- shaping the development of children shaping children's development
- instil the spirit of teamwork and cooperation skills instil a spirit of teamwork and cooperation
- improve their personal bests improve their personal best
- determination, and a drive determination and a drive
- become the winners through competition win
- cooperation and alliance cooperation and teamwork
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear preference while discussing both competitive and cooperative dimensions of sport in a logically organised, well-supported essay. Its main limitation is that the competition argument is somewhat repetitive and less analytically developed than the teamwork argument, while a few awkward word choices and minor errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to explain more specifically how competition shapes children and then connect that analysis more directly to the final position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with a clear opinion and relevant support, although the competition side is developed less deeply.
Develop the first view through a more specific causal explanation rather than repeating that children try to outperform others.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without obscuring the argument.
Make the conclusion more directly synthesize the contrast between individual competition and cooperative team experience.
Lexical Resource
A broad, topic-appropriate vocabulary is used flexibly, though several choices such as 'cooperation skills' and 'alliance' are imprecise.
Prioritise natural collocations and proofread isolated spelling slips such as 'collborative'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is handled with good control, with only occasional awkward or minor errors.
Refine article, modifier, and clause choices in longer sentences so that sophisticated structures remain fully natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn cooperation and teamwork from sports. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.