Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the time their children spend watching TV and playing games and encourage them to spend this time reading books. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is a common debate nowadays that there should be a limitation on children’s screen hours as well as the time they spend playing and more focus should be on reading books. Although it is quite difficult for parents to make the young generation follow this,I am completely in favour of it. This idea will be discussed in the following essay along with the reasons for my opinion.
First of all, now is an era of technology and gadgets, from which we can not keep our youth away. However, despite all the attractions these new modern mobile phones and computers has, a balance between studying and using them is both necessary for physical as well as mental health. For instance, there are more cases of obesity in children who spend their time on video games and computers in the previous decade than ever before. Hence, no physical activity and sitting and playing results in detrimental effects on health.
On the other hand, reading expands the field of imagination and cognitive abilities and making it a habit of children can surely result in nourishing their developing brains more effectively. Consequently, a productive way of scheduling may let them be successful human beings in future. For example, a young one habitual of reading books would rarely get tired of them and as a result, he would not have any difficulty in opting for complex subjects like science and mathematics and he could secure his future by becoming a successful professional. On that account, society will have those valuable people in return.
In conclusion, there must be leisure for adolescents but always in balance with the time they spend studying and reading. I also completely advocate this point of view.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: common debate nowadays Suggested revision: widely debated issue today Why it matters: This replacement uses a natural collocation for a topic that receives public discussion.
- 2. Clarify the clause Original: there should be a limitation on children’s screen hours Suggested revision: children’s screen time should be limited Why it matters: The revised clause expresses the restriction directly and grammatically.
- 3. Repair parallel structure Original: as well as the time they spend playing and more focus should be on reading books Suggested revision: and gaming time should be reduced, with more focus placed on reading books Why it matters: The replacement makes the two proposed restrictions parallel and connects them clearly to reading.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: can not keep our youth away Suggested revision: cannot keep children completely away Why it matters: Children is more precise in this context, and completely conveys the intended degree.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: new modern Suggested revision: modern Why it matters: New and modern repeat the same idea here.
- 6. Fix correlative structure Original: both necessary for physical as well as mental health Suggested revision: necessary for both physical and mental health Why it matters: Both should be paired with and in this construction.
- 7. Simplify the subject Original: no physical activity and sitting and playing results Suggested revision: inactivity and prolonged sitting result Why it matters: The revised plural subject is grammatical and expresses the behaviour clearly.
- 8. Use an additive link Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: This paragraph adds another supporting reason rather than presenting an opposing view.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: expands the field of imagination Suggested revision: develops the imagination Why it matters: Develops the imagination is the standard expression for this idea.
- 10. Fix phrase structure Original: making it a habit of children Suggested revision: making reading a habit for children Why it matters: The revision states clearly what becomes habitual and for whom.
- 11. Use a natural verb Original: result in nourishing Suggested revision: help to nourish Why it matters: Result in does not combine naturally with nourishing in this clause.
- 12. Choose concise wording Original: a productive way of scheduling Suggested revision: a productive schedule Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase conveys the intended meaning more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- common debate nowadays widely debated issue today
- there should be a limitation on children’s screen hours children’s screen time should be limited
- as well as the time they spend playing and more focus should be on reading books and gaming time should be reduced, with more focus placed on reading books
- can not keep our youth away cannot keep children completely away
- new modern modern
- both necessary for physical as well as mental health necessary for both physical and mental health
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant reasons, with sensible links to health and children's cognitive development. Its main limitation is that some claims and examples are broad or overstated, while frequent collocational and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each reason with more specific, credible explanation while editing sentence structures and word combinations for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained, and two relevant reasons are explained with examples, although some support is broad and speculative.
Develop each main idea through a more precise causal explanation and a credible, specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through distinct paragraphs, but some linking is mechanical or misleading, particularly the use of contrast markers.
Choose cohesive devices according to the exact relationship between ideas and strengthen within-paragraph referencing.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward combinations reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as broad noun combinations with conventional collocations and check that each word fits its context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, though agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-control errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and rebuild overloaded sentences into accurately controlled clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the time their children spend watching TV and playing games and encourage them to spend this time reading books. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.