As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways.What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent the changes that take place are good?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it is a ubiquitous notion that children’s social behaviourthe children’s social conduct is changing significantly in some ways as they are becoming adults. There are manifold differences between adults’ and young people’s behaviouralterations between the adults and young’s behaviour. In this essay, I will cite some appropriate points about this issue and give my opinion that whether these changes are positive or negativetend to negative or positive direction. Actually, people's behaviourbehaviours are contingent upon their ages. The young people are more energetic and of course, it influences their outlook on lifeinfluences to their life perspectives. UnfortunatelyAs bad luck would have it, sometimes the young are being self-righteous despite their poor behaviourwrong manners. Most of the timeMost time their attitudes become obdurate, and as a resultas a repercussion of it, they squabble with each other over the minor issuestrivial peccadillos. On the other hand, adults' behaviourthe adults' characters differ from the young utterly. They are much more sophisticated because of their life experiencein terms of the life experience. That is why they fathom everything thoroughly. It behoves the young to get advice from the adults in order to comprehend the life in depth. At the same time, the behaviour of grown-ups isgrown-up’s behaviour are more tranquil and congenial in the society and it is undoubtedlyundoubtfully true that in the essence of each stupendous achievement belonging to any young person stands older people's help and advicethe old’s aid and advice. Sometimes as children are getting older, the changes which are encompassed their behaviour tend to the bad way. They feel so that they can do everything and as a result, it contributes to the generating of the feeling of tremendous brash. However, as they become adults, this process inculcates them to garner the new life experiences in the mankind. Taking all things into account, it seems to me that the changes related to children’s attitude depend on their trait much more than their age. Because each individual is represented with his character and this personality qualification starts with the time he is born and terminates via the death.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response presents a recognizable comparison between younger people and adults and attempts to evaluate whether maturation is beneficial. Its position becomes inconsistent, ideas are only loosely developed, and persistent awkward wording and grammar often obscure the intended relationships. The priority is to organize the two task parts clearly, support each comparison with specific explanation, and state a consistent judgment about the value of the changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses differences and attempts an evaluation, but its claims are generalized, insufficiently supported, and inconsistent with the conclusion.
Develop specific behavioural comparisons and maintain one clear judgment about how beneficial the changes are throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a loose comparison-and-evaluation sequence, but the single-paragraph presentation and mechanical linking weaken progression and clarity.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs for comparison and evaluation, and a conclusion that clearly reflects the developed position.
Lexical Resource
There is considerable lexical ambition, but frequent misuse of sophisticated words and unnatural collocations often obscures precise meaning.
Choose familiar, context-appropriate vocabulary and verify collocations instead of relying on ornate words whose meanings do not fit.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, possession, and clause construction regularly strain comprehension.
Build accurate main clauses first, then add controlled subordinate clauses while checking agreement and article use sentence by sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways.What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent the changes that take place are good?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.