Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is often argued that parents ought to promote a shift in their children's priorities, moving from extensive study time toward greater participation in physical activities. While I agree that physical activity is important, I strongly disagree with the notion of actively reducing study time, as academic diligence remains fundamental to a child's development and future success.
Encouraging children to engage in physical activities alongside their academic pursuits can provide several advantages. Firstly, it significantly improves both physical and mental health. This happens because regular exercise strengthens developing muscles and bones and is a proven method for reducing stress; as a result, children become healthier and happier. For example, schools that implement daily sports sessions often report that their students show better concentration and experience fewer health issues. Secondly, physical activity enhances crucial social and life skills. Team sports and group activities inherently teach cooperation, leadership, and problem-solving. Consequently, as children develop these vital interpersonal skills, they become better prepared for future academic and professional environments.
However, I believe that advocating for less time studying can have serious and detrimental academic consequences. The most immediate risk is lower academic achievement. Insufficient time dedicated to studying logically leads to less practice of core subjects, which in turn results in a weaker understanding and lower grades. For instance, students who consistently skip homework or extra study hours often struggle significantly in exams and standardized tests. Furthermore, reducing study hours can limit a child's long-term intellectual development. The process of intensive studying is what develops critical thinking and analytical skills. Therefore, cutting back on this focused time may lead to slower intellectual growth and, ultimately, fewer opportunities for higher academic success.
In conclusion, while promoting physical activity is crucial for a child's well-being, this should not be achieved by diminishing the importance of their studies. I firmly believe a balance must be struck, but actively encouraging less study time is a misguided approach that risks compromising the academic and intellectual foundation necessary for a child's future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tighten causal link Original: happens Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The revised connector links the explanation to the preceding claim more directly.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: daily sports sessions Suggested revision: daily physical-activity sessions Why it matters: The proposed phrase describes scheduled exercise more precisely than 'sports sessions'.
- 3. Sharpen category wording Original: life Suggested revision: practical Why it matters: 'Practical skills' is more specific than the broad expression 'life skills' in this context.
- 4. Use natural noun Original: environments Suggested revision: settings Why it matters: 'Settings' collocates more naturally with being prepared for future contexts.
- 5. Remove redundant emphasis Original: serious and detrimental Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Both adjectives express harm, so one is sufficient.
- 6. Use concise noun phrase Original: less time studying Suggested revision: less study time Why it matters: The noun phrase is more concise and natural in formal writing.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Practice is normally described as being 'in' a subject or skill.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: extra study hours Suggested revision: additional study time Why it matters: 'Study time' is more natural than counting study as separate hours here.
- 9. Avoid awkward intensifier Original: struggle significantly Suggested revision: struggle Why it matters: The verb already conveys substantial difficulty, so the intensifier adds little.
- 10. Simplify clause structure Original: The process of intensive studying is what develops Suggested revision: Intensive study develops Why it matters: The direct subject-verb structure conveys the same claim more clearly and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- happens is
- daily sports sessions daily physical-activity sessions
- life practical
- environments settings
- serious and detrimental serious
- less time studying less study time
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops both the value of exercise and the risks of reducing study time through logically extended explanations and examples. Its main limitation is a degree of formulaic repetition and occasional overstatement, which slightly reduces the sophistication of the argument. The highest priority is to make the reasoning more nuanced by qualifying broad claims and varying recurring cause-and-effect patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit throughout, and the main ideas are relevant, well developed, and directly supported.
Add greater nuance by acknowledging circumstances in which excessive study time could reasonably be reduced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly within a well-controlled paragraph structure, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.
Vary the repeated sequencing and cause-and-effect signals so the progression feels less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional slightly overstated or conventional phrasing.
Choose more measured alternatives for absolute claims and reduce reliance on familiar academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with punctuation and clause control consistently secure.
Refine the prose further by varying sentence openings and trimming a few heavily layered sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.