Parents should encourage children to spend less time in studying and more time in doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Children’s academic performance is given top priority to most families, and how to reasonably allocate time has become the prime concern for parents. From my perspective, parents should encourage children to participate in more physical activities even though it may inevitably sacrifice the precious learning time.
Admittedly, encouraging children to spend more time on getting involved in physical exercise may possibly lead to the potential risk of slipping test scores periodically, which is particularly noteworthy under the present education system, where the exam grade is still the most critical and direct criterion to determine whether a child can be admitted to an ideal school and have a bright future. What is more, parents’ encouragement may even provide the incentive for children to escape relatively boring academic learning with the plausible excuse of doing physical activities, which will also exert negative impact on children’s academic progress.
However, promoting children’s physical health and mental well-being through encouraging routine physical activities should be attached more importance. For one thing, taking an active part in doing physical activities is beneficial to maintaining body fitness, which is a prerequisite for persistent study. As is known to all, academic learning process generally means long periods of sedentary study, participating in more sports activities can effectively help children to avoid the potential health risk, such as obesity and nearsightedness problems. For another, parents can help to relieve their children’s stress by pushing them to take exercise, given that the resulting hormonic level change of engaging in physical activities is conducive to the release of tension derived from the busy study schedule, which is also of great value to improve learning efficiency in the long term.
In conclusion, I believe that parents should encourage children to allocate more time to doing physical activities considering the positive influences both physically and mentally and if arranged properly, it can also, to some extent, facilitate the learning process.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In, rather than to, identifies the families within which academic performance is prioritised.
- 2. Tighten the phrase Original: spend more time on getting involved in physical exercise Suggested revision: spend more time engaging in physical exercise Why it matters: The revision removes the wordy sequence on getting involved in.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: may possibly lead Suggested revision: may lead Why it matters: May and possibly express the same uncertainty, so one is sufficient.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: the potential risk of slipping test scores periodically Suggested revision: the risk of occasional declines in test scores Why it matters: The replacement removes redundant wording and expresses changes in scores idiomatically.
- 5. Use a general plural Original: the exam grade is still Suggested revision: exam grades are still Why it matters: The argument refers to exam results generally, so the plural noun and verb are required.
- 6. Use the right article Original: the Suggested revision: an Why it matters: The incentive has not been previously specified, so the indefinite article is appropriate.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: escape relatively boring academic learning Suggested revision: avoid relatively boring academic work Why it matters: People avoid work rather than escape learning in this intended sense.
- 8. Clarify the meaning Original: with the plausible excuse Suggested revision: under the pretext Why it matters: Under the pretext more precisely conveys an excuse used to conceal the real motive.
- 9. Add the article Original: exert negative impact on Suggested revision: have a negative impact on Why it matters: Impact is a singular countable noun in this construction and requires an article.
- 10. Repair passive form Original: should be attached more importance Suggested revision: should be given greater importance Why it matters: Importance is given to something; the original passive construction is not grammatical.
- 11. Avoid repetition Original: taking an active part in doing physical activities Suggested revision: participating regularly in physical activities Why it matters: The revision removes the repetitive taking part in doing construction.
- 12. Use standard collocation Original: body Suggested revision: physical Why it matters: Physical fitness is the standard expression for bodily health and condition.
Suggested Rewrites
- to in
- spend more time on getting involved in physical exercise spend more time engaging in physical exercise
- may possibly lead may lead
- the potential risk of slipping test scores periodically the risk of occasional declines in test scores
- the exam grade is still exam grades are still
- the an
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and develops a thoughtful case around physical health, stress relief, and long-term academic efficiency, while also acknowledging the educational trade-off. Its main weakness is dense, overextended sentence construction combined with several awkward or redundant expressions. The highest-priority improvement is to split long sentences and express each causal link more directly so the argument remains precise and easy to follow.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the potential academic cost and the physical and mental benefits are relevantly and substantially developed.
Make the extent of agreement even sharper by stating what an appropriate study-exercise balance would look like in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into a clear progression, though long sentences sometimes carry too many linked points and reduce ease of reading.
Divide the longest sentences so that each reason, consequence, and example has a distinct and immediately clear relationship.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, but awkward collocations, redundancy, and occasional word-form errors limit precision.
Use simpler natural combinations and remove duplication, replacing phrases such as may possibly lead to the potential risk with one precise expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is attempted, but comma splices and overloaded clause chains recur despite meaning remaining clear.
Break run-on structures into complete sentences and check that each subordinate clause has a clear grammatical attachment.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Parents should encourage children to spend less time in studying and more time in doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.