Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
One of the greatest advantages of studying in a foreign country, especially, in a developed one, is that the children learn to be independent. Having to cook, clean, and pay bills instil this quality in them. Often they have to work part-time to make ends meet, and this impresses upon them the importance of work and money management. I believe that overseas education gives students many excellent opportunities including better education, better environment, becoming self-reliant and so on despite some of the negative aspects that are not tough to control. Apart from being self-dependant, another important factor of pursuing the education in a foreign country is that those children will be exposed to different cultures and ways of thinking. They will become more open-minded and tolerant and are likely to become more adaptable individuals. One of the main motives for sending young people abroad to study is that it enhances their employment prospects. In my experience of living in foreign countries and speaking to various youths, it seems that a foreign education is regarded as something desirable and helpful in getting a decent job. A degree from Britain, for example, is seen as being of a higher standard than one from a developing country. Furthermore, living in a foreign country may lead to fluency in a second language, which is another selling point for prospective employers. In addition, many companies are keen to recruit people with a global outlook. There are a few drawbacks of this trend that cannot be avoided. For instance, without parental supervision, the new found freedom children experience may lead to harmful practices such as drug-taking and drinking. Reluctance or inability to reintegrate into their mother country is another. To sum up, it can be seen that the advantages of studying abroad for children are more numerous than the disadvantages. Of course, a lot depends on the age of the child, but I believe that for most teenagers it would be a positive experience.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove misplaced comma Original: especially, in a developed one, Suggested revision: especially in a developed one, Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the focusing adverb from its prepositional phrase.
- 2. Use generic plural Original: the children learn Suggested revision: children learn Why it matters: A zero article is more natural when referring to children in general.
- 3. Match singular subject Original: instil Suggested revision: instils Why it matters: The gerund phrase functioning as the subject takes a singular verb.
- 4. Set off examples Original: opportunities including Suggested revision: opportunities, including Why it matters: A comma helps mark the following list as examples of the opportunities.
- 5. Add an article Original: better environment Suggested revision: a better environment Why it matters: The singular countable noun requires an article here.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: not tough to control Suggested revision: manageable Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended idea more precisely and formally.
- 7. Correct word form Original: dependant Suggested revision: reliant Why it matters: Self-reliant is the standard adjective for being able to manage independently.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: factor of pursuing the education Suggested revision: benefit of pursuing education Why it matters: Benefit accurately names an advantage, and education is used without the definite article in this general sense.
- 9. Use accurate reference Original: those children Suggested revision: these students Why it matters: Students is the more precise reference to the young people studying abroad.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: harmful practices such as drug-taking and drinking Suggested revision: harmful behaviours such as taking drugs and drinking alcohol Why it matters: The revision uses clearer parallel expressions for the two behaviours.
- 11. Clarify coordination Original: more open-minded and tolerant and are likely Suggested revision: more open-minded and tolerant, and they are likely Why it matters: Repeating the subject makes the coordination between the two predicates clear.
- 12. Use neutral wording Original: various youths Suggested revision: various young people Why it matters: Young people is a more natural neutral term in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- especially, in a developed one, especially in a developed one,
- the children learn children learn
- instil instils
- opportunities including opportunities, including
- better environment a better environment
- not tough to control manageable
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers a clear positive position and supports it with a broad, relevant range of benefits, including independence, cultural exposure, and employment prospects. Its main weakness is presentation: all ideas are compressed into one paragraph, while several claims and the brief treatment of drawbacks could be developed more precisely. Prioritize distinct topic-led paragraphs and fuller explanation of the counterargument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear positive position and presents several relevant reasons, though some are asserted more than fully developed.
Explain one or two central benefits in greater depth and connect the acknowledged drawbacks more explicitly to the final judgment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through benefits and drawbacks, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens the essay's overall organization.
Divide the response into a clear introduction, topic-led body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph developing one main purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally effective, with some strong topic-specific phrasing alongside occasional awkward collocations and word forms.
Replace imprecise expressions such as broad list endings and unnatural education collocations with more exact, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is handled clearly, although occasional agreement, modifier, and sentence-fragment errors remain.
Check subject-verb agreement and ensure introductory modifiers attach clearly to the subject of the main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.