Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behavior while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The impact of television on children’s behavior has long been a subject of debate. While some argue that the content children watch influences their actions and attitudes, others believe that it is the amount of time spent in front of the screen that has a more significant effect. Both perspectives offer valid points, but I believe that a combination of both factors—content and time—play a critical role in shaping children’s behavior.
Those who argue that the content children watch is more influential suggest that the type of programs, shows, or movies a child is exposed to can directly affect their behavior. This is because television programs often depict various behaviors, values, and societal norms, which children may unconsciously adopt. For example, children who regularly watch violent or aggressive behavior on TV may become desensitized to such actions or even mimic them in real life. Moreover, television shows that promote unhealthy lifestyles, such as excessive eating or materialism, can also influence children to adopt these behaviors. This perspective underscores the importance of monitoring the content children consume to ensure it promotes positive values and healthy role models.
However, I am convinced that excessive screen time, regardless of the content, can have detrimental effects on children’s behavior. The first reason for this is that spending long hours watching TV reduces the time children spend engaging in physical activities, socializing with peers, or pursuing hobbies. This lack of social interaction and physical exercise can lead to problems such as obesity, social isolation, and poor academic performance. Additionally, the longer children watch TV, the more likely they are to become passive viewers, which can impair their ability to think critically, solve problems, and engage in meaningful interactions with others. For example, a child who spends hours each day watching TV may become less inclined to engage in activities like reading, playing outside, or interacting with family members. This lack of active engagement can limit their development of problem-solving skills.
In conclusion, while the content of television programs certainly plays a crucial role in shaping children’s behavior, I believe the amount of time children spend watching TV also has a significant impact on their overall well-being.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: play Suggested revision: plays Why it matters: The singular head noun “combination” requires “plays.”
- 2. Remove category overlap Original: the type of programs, shows, or movies Suggested revision: the programs or movies Why it matters: “Programs” and “shows” overlap, so the shorter list is more precise.
- 3. Clarify what is watched Original: watch violent or aggressive behavior on TV Suggested revision: watch depictions of violent or aggressive behavior on TV Why it matters: Viewers watch depictions of behavior rather than the behavior itself.
- 4. Use parallel examples Original: excessive eating or materialism Suggested revision: overeating or materialistic behavior Why it matters: The revision gives two clear forms of behavior in parallel terms.
- 5. Improve verb choice Original: influence Suggested revision: encourage Why it matters: “Encourage” fits the intended causative relationship more naturally here.
- 6. Complete parallel verbs Original: ensure it promotes positive values and healthy role models Suggested revision: ensure it promotes positive values and presents healthy role models Why it matters: A separate verb is needed because content can promote values but presents role models.
- 7. Reduce wordiness Original: The first reason for this is that Suggested revision: One reason is that Why it matters: The shorter phrase introduces the same reason more directly.
- 8. Use formal example marker Original: activities like reading Suggested revision: activities such as reading Why it matters: “Such as” is a more precise example marker in formal writing.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Additionally, the longer children watch TV, the more likely they are to become passive viewers, which can impair their ability to think critically, solve problems, and engage in meaningful interactions with others. Suggested revision: Additionally, prolonged viewing can make children passive, impairing their ability to think critically, solve problems, and interact meaningfully with others. Why it matters: The revision removes an ambiguous relative clause and keeps the cause-and-effect link clear.
- 10. Tighten the example Suggested revision: Combine the final two sentences so the point about reduced problem-solving development follows directly from the viewing example. Why it matters: This would reduce repetition and create a tighter close to the paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- play plays
- the type of programs, shows, or movies the programs or movies
- watch violent or aggressive behavior on TV watch depictions of violent or aggressive behavior on TV
- excessive eating or materialism overeating or materialistic behavior
- influence encourage
- ensure it promotes positive values and healthy role models ensure it promotes positive values and presents healthy role models
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its balanced, well-supported treatment of both content and viewing time, using relevant examples and maintaining a clear position throughout. Its main limitation is some repetition in the screen-time discussion, where several consequences overlap and the focus occasionally shifts from behavior to broader well-being. Tightening that paragraph and prioritizing the most behavior-specific causal links would make the argument more precise and efficient.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed with relevant causal explanation and examples, and the writer's combined position remains clear throughout.
Keep every supporting consequence explicitly tied to behavior rather than allowing the discussion to broaden toward general well-being.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, well paragraphized, and cohesively guided, with only minor repetition within the screen-time discussion.
Condense overlapping points about reduced activity and engagement so the third paragraph progresses more efficiently.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural across the topic, with effective control of less common expressions and collocations.
Vary a few repeated terms such as behavior, influence, and lack to sharpen lexical flexibility further.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, with only rare non-impeding lapses such as subject-verb agreement.
Proofread agreement in long noun phrases, particularly where a singular head noun is followed by paired or plural modifiers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behavior while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.