Some people say that today’s children are living under more pressure from society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
In the 21st century, people enjoy a more comfortable life with better facilities, increased life expectancy and more possibilities than ever before. Despite these advancements and achievements, many people feel that modern children are living under immense pressure from society, and I quite agree with this viewpoint.
First of all, the competition that children face in school and at home is far greater than it was in previous centuriesis far more than in the past centuries. As society valuesappreciates only the best performers and parents want their children to excel in every field, childhood today is far different than our forefathers. Competition and pressure are everywhere for children. Prestigious schoolsRenowned and good schools have a limited number of seats, and the competition for those seats is overwhelming. Parents want their children to excel in music, sports, the arts, science, and other fieldsin music, sports, arts, science and in other fields. Therefore, theySo they are often forced to get involved in activities in which they have little interestactivities that they have little interest in. Thus, childrenThus children in the present era live under constant pressure, fear and competition.
On top of that, overpopulation and scarcity of land have forced city dwellers to move into apartmentsforced city dwellers to move to an apartment rather than a traditional home. These apartments restrict children's activitiesforce children to have limited activities at home, includingat home which include watching television and using the internet. In addition, these apartments have rules that prohibit them from making noise or playingsome regulations such as not making noise or playing, and that is why children cannot enjoy their liveslife freely, leaving them feelingfreely feeling a kind of pressure that often make their lives miserablemake their life measurable.
Finally, the weak family bondsloose family bonding and parents’ prioritisation of their careersparents’ priority for their careers often createcreates an invisible pressure on the children that has many negative psychological effects. Parents’ actions severely affect their offspringaffect their offspring severely, and any deterioration in social and family relationshipssocial and family degradation will create extra stress on children.
To conclude, today’s children have more toys, electronic gadgets, and opportunitiesopportunity to learn and express their views, but that does not make their childhood more enjoyable as they experiencefeel more anxiety and pressure from everywhere. The type of pressure they face is quite overwhelming and that has many adverse effects on their growth as well.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear agreement position and offers several logically separated sources of pressure, with the discussion of educational competition providing the strongest development. The apartment-living argument is less convincingly tied to social pressure or to a comparison with the past, and recurring word-choice and agreement errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason through an explicit past-versus-present comparison supported by a clearly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent position and several relevant reasons, although some ideas are only partly developed or weakly connected to the required historical comparison.
Make each body paragraph compare modern childhood directly with the past and support the claimed pressure with a specific, relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed and progresses coherently from educational competition to living conditions and family relationships, with effective overall sequencing.
Use internal linking to show more clearly how each cause creates pressure rather than relying mainly on paragraph-opening signposts.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss social, educational, and psychological issues, but several inaccurate or unnatural choices weaken precision.
Replace faulty expressions such as “far different than our forefathers,” “loose family bonding,” and “make their life measurable” with accurate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences effectively, but recurring agreement, article, and noun-form errors prevent consistently strong control.
Check agreement carefully in clauses such as “pressure that often make” and “bonding and parents’ priority ... creates,” and review singular-plural noun forms.