Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
We often hear of an escalating trend in children leading to feeble lifestyles in media. Although many believe that both parents and educational institutes share equal responsibility in addressing this growing problem, I disagree and feel that it is the utmost responsibility of the parents to change the unhealthy etiquette of adolescents.
Being the primary caretakers, parents spend most of the time with their children and parent's eating habits influence them. Parents can become the role model for their children, by making healthy choices of what nutritious food they should have and physical activities to participate in that will main the equilibrium in life. For instance, if children observe that their parents prefer nutritious meal over junk food, exercise regularly to remain fit and participate in different sporting events or physical activities, child habits will change for the better. Being the guardian and mentor they can be very effective than schools in changing their lifestyle.
Furthermore, teaching institutes are primarily focused on providing elementary education to the students. Their job is to concentrate more on improving their skills, team building, help them in their coursework and develop their personality. They usually have less time to look into their dietary plans or how they behave at home. Moreover, they cannot control what a child does in their spare time.
To conclude, I believe that only parents can effectively address the unhealthy ways of living of children. As primary caretakers, they are close to their children and their responsibility is more than that of schools.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: utmost responsibility of the parents Suggested revision: primary responsibility of parents Why it matters: ‘Primary responsibility’ expresses the intended comparison more naturally and concisely.
- 2. Choose accurate noun Original: etiquette Suggested revision: habits Why it matters: ‘Etiquette’ means rules of polite behaviour and does not describe diet and exercise patterns.
- 3. Fix possessive form Original: parent's eating habits Suggested revision: parents' eating habits Why it matters: The plural possessive is needed because the statement refers to parents generally.
- 4. Fix number agreement Original: the role model Suggested revision: role models Why it matters: The plural subject ‘Parents’ requires the plural complement ‘role models’.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: choices of what nutritious food they should have Suggested revision: choices about which nutritious foods to eat Why it matters: The revision uses the natural preposition and a precise verb for food choices.
- 6. Clarify the subject Original: physical activities to participate in Suggested revision: physical activities they should participate in Why it matters: Adding the subject makes the second choice in the coordinated structure explicit.
- 7. Correct the verb Original: main Suggested revision: maintain Why it matters: ‘Main’ is not the intended verb; the modal ‘will’ should be followed by ‘maintain’.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: the equilibrium in life Suggested revision: a healthy balance in life Why it matters: ‘A healthy balance’ is the natural expression for the intended lifestyle outcome.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: meal Suggested revision: meals Why it matters: A general comparison of repeated food choices requires the plural noun ‘meals’.
- 10. Correct comparison preposition Original: over Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The verb ‘prefer’ takes ‘to’ when comparing one choice with another.
- 11. Use possessive form Original: child Suggested revision: children's Why it matters: The habits belong to the children, so a plural possessive noun is required.
- 12. Match plural subject Original: Being the guardian and mentor Suggested revision: As guardians and mentors Why it matters: The opening phrase must agree with the plural pronoun ‘they’ that follows.
Suggested Rewrites
- utmost responsibility of the parents primary responsibility of parents
- etiquette habits
- parent's eating habits parents' eating habits
- the role model role models
- choices of what nutritious food they should have choices about which nutritious foods to eat
- physical activities to participate in physical activities they should participate in
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement throughout and organises a relevant comparison between parental influence and the more limited role of schools. Its main limitation is that the argument is relatively narrow and is repeatedly weakened by inaccurate word choices and grammatical forms. The highest-priority improvement is to extend the reasoning about shared responsibility while revising awkward expressions and sentence-level agreement errors for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons about parental influence and schools' limitations, although the discussion is somewhat narrow.
Examine what schools can realistically contribute before explaining more fully why parents should still bear greater responsibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion structure, and each paragraph advances a distinct part of the argument.
Strengthen internal progression by connecting each example back to the precise claim about relative responsibility.
Lexical Resource
The writer shows an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but several ambitious choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace expressions such as 'feeble lifestyles,' 'unhealthy etiquette,' and 'main the equilibrium' with precise, conventional wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed with generally clear meaning, but agreement, possessive, comparison, and parallel-structure errors recur.
Review noun agreement and parallel verb forms, especially in long sentences containing lists or comparisons.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.