Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
Sample Response
These days, a growing number of parents spend money on purchasing a lot of toys for their children. Some do so because they want to make their children happy, while others believe that it helps their child's intellectual development. Despite good intentions, this trend can have both advantages and drawbacks. The following paragraphs are going to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of children having a large number of toys.
One of the major advantages of giving young children a wider range of toys is the intellectual benefits it offers. Good toys engage a child's senses, spark their imaginations and encourage them to interact with others. For example, lego blocks can help preschoolers learn letters, numbers and language skills, while also developing their intellectual abilities. Many toys are made for children's educational and development purposes. For example, blocks, educational computer games, puzzles etc. and they ignite the creativity of children and let them find out their interests. Moreover, it can improve their communication skill by encouraging them to use those playthings and play with other children. Communication plays an essential role in our life and the toys can help them have playmates with whom they communicate a lot.
On the contrary, children having too many playthings may be affected by some detrimental effects. First, it can make them greedy. For instance, many parents spoil their children by purchasing every toy the children want. This can give them an impression that they can have anything they wish and their desire to own more toys grows over time. When children get every toy they want, they will not value most of the toys and lose interest easily. This will not offer them any benefits of playing with good toys. Furthermore, too many toys may grow a conformist mentality in a child as their immature minds blindly follow other children's playing styles, activities and characters. It does not let a child develop his or her personality and character.
In conclusion, toys play an important role in helping a child's growth, but too many toys may affect children's psychological development negatively. Therefore, parents should choose useful toys and purchase a reasonable number of toys that they feel are right for their children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: spend money on purchasing Suggested revision: spend money purchasing Why it matters: The shorter collocation expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 2. Match singular complement Original: benefits Suggested revision: benefit Why it matters: The singular subject complement should agree with “One of the major advantages.”
- 3. Capitalize brand name Original: lego Suggested revision: LEGO Why it matters: The brand name should be written in capitals.
- 4. Use correct nouns Original: children's educational and development purposes Suggested revision: children's education and development Why it matters: The nouns “education” and “development” correctly name the purposes here.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: it can improve Suggested revision: these toys can improve Why it matters: The plural noun phrase gives the pronoun a clear referent.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: skill Suggested revision: skills Why it matters: The general ability is conventionally expressed with the plural noun “skills.”
- 7. Keep perspective consistent Original: in our life Suggested revision: in their lives Why it matters: The pronoun should continue referring to the children rather than shifting to the writer and reader.
- 8. Use contrast linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: However Why it matters: “However” introduces a contrasting disadvantage without implying that the previous claim is false.
- 9. Use definite article Original: an Suggested revision: the Why it matters: This fixed expression requires the definite article.
- 10. Choose natural collocation Original: grow Suggested revision: foster Why it matters: “Foster” collocates naturally with the development of a mentality.
- 11. Match singular reference Original: their immature minds Suggested revision: the child's immature mind Why it matters: The noun phrase should agree with the preceding singular reference to “a child.”
- 12. Match singular reference Original: spark their imaginations Suggested revision: spark the child's imagination Why it matters: The possessive and noun should agree with the preceding singular phrase “a child's senses.”
Suggested Rewrites
- spend money on purchasing spend money purchasing
- benefits benefit
- lego LEGO
- children's educational and development purposes children's education and development
- it can improve these toys can improve
- skill skills
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both sides directly and develops its ideas through relevant explanations and examples, with a clear overall structure. Its main weakness is uneven language control: several awkward collocations, unclear pronoun references, and grammatical slips reduce precision despite meaning remaining clear. The highest-priority improvement is to edit each sentence for accurate agreement, reference, and natural word combinations, especially when introducing examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed clearly, with relevant explanations and examples that develop the main ideas.
Develop the less convincing point about conformity with a more concrete causal explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Use referencing more precisely so pronouns such as 'it' and 'this' always point to an unmistakable noun or idea.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of topic vocabulary conveys the argument, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace unnatural combinations such as 'grow a conformist mentality' with precise, idiomatic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used successfully, but agreement, sentence-boundary, and pronoun errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and consistent subject-pronoun agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.