Some say that the standard of behaviour among children has worsened and that this is their parents’ fault; others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
It is often heard that the behaviour of children has worsened. Some people argue that it is the parents’ faultparents’ fault and others believeconsider that schools are responsible.
Some people think that it is the sole responsibility of parents to educate their children. People say that parents are the only ones who are able to influence their children. For example, if a child gets into troublegets into a trouble, it is the parents’ responsibility to take action. FurthermoreFurther, many people think that the parents are to blamethe parents are the ones to be blamed if a child has behavioural issues because they are the ones who have raised the child. For instance, if a child is very aggressive, it is probably the mother or father whothe mother or the father that should be held responsible.
However, many people hold a completely different opinion. These people argue that it is schools, rather than parents, that should be blamedschools that should be blamed and not parents. For example, teachers often have an enormous influence on children. Thus, if a child gets into trouble, the teachers are responsible for supporting the childresponsible for taking care of the child. Furthermore, children spend a lot of time at school. Therefore, teachers usually have the best opportunitiespossibilities to educate childreneducate the children.
In conclusion, it seems clear to me that schools have a greater influence on children. Furthermore, teachers should be role models for children. Thus, my strong opinion is that schools are the reason why the standard of behaviour among children has worsened. Schools are better placed to teachhave a better chance to teach children how to behave both inside and outside the classroom.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay clearly covers both attributed causes and gives an unmistakable opinion, with a straightforward structure that is easy to follow. Its main limitation is that the reasoning is repetitive and largely asserted rather than demonstrated, so the discussion lacks depth. The highest priority is to explain distinct mechanisms by which parenting and schooling shape behaviour, then support the preferred view with a specific comparative example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, but the supporting points are repetitive, general, and only moderately developed.
Develop each side through a distinct causal explanation and use the conclusion to weigh the two influences rather than repeat earlier claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear four-paragraph progression, although repeated ideas and formulaic linking limit cohesion within the discussion.
Create stronger progression by giving each paragraph one distinct line of reasoning and reducing repeated responsibility and influence statements.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient and generally clear, but repetition and a few unnatural choices restrict flexibility and precision.
Use more varied and exact language for discipline, supervision, peer influence, and behavioural development while checking common collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful mix of sentence forms is generally controlled, with occasional errors in articles and awkward comparative or causal structures.
Refine article use and practise concise comparative sentences that express degrees of parental and school influence accurately.