Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
These days, children are spending more and more hours each day using smartphones. In my opinion, this is a natural consequence of the ubiquity of phones and is a decidedly negative phenomenon.
The main cause of this trend is access to portable devices. Since the introduction of the original iPhone, countless phone manufacturers have imitated Apple’s innovation and virtually every family possesses multiple devices. The owners of these phones are typically over-worked and stressed parents who are often willing to allow their children to use their smartphones to listen to music, watch movies, and keep themselves entertained. In many parts of the world, parents even purchase phones specifically for their children to use. The increased hours children spend on phones is therefore a combination of tremendous access coupled with a natural desire to use them.
The main repercussions from increased smartphone usage among children are negative. Firstly, smartphones have replaced healthier habits. Children raised before the advent of the portable smartphone were more likely to read books, socialize with friends, and take part in outdoor activities. These practices are all far healthier physically, intellectually, and emotionally. Moreover, the usage of phones itself is actively detrimental to normal cognitive development. Many researchers have theorized that the 21st century spike in cases of dissociative anxiety disorders can be directly correlated with the technological age in general and smartphones more specifically.
In conclusion, children use smartphones for hours every day because of their availability and the result of this is a steep decline in healthy lifestyles. As governments cannot restrict such usage, it is the responsibility of parents to effectively regulate screen time for their children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce repetition Original: more and more hours each day Suggested revision: increasing amounts of time each day Why it matters: This wording avoids repeating “more” and describes duration more naturally.
- 2. Clarify product development Original: imitated Apple’s innovation Suggested revision: developed products similar to Apple’s Why it matters: The revision states the relationship between manufacturers and comparable phones more precisely.
- 3. Use direct wording Original: are often willing to allow Suggested revision: often allow Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the parents’ repeated permission without unnecessary hedging.
- 4. Correct preposition Original: from Suggested revision: of Why it matters: “Repercussions” conventionally takes “of” when identifying the action that produces them.
- 5. Use concise sequencer Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: “First” is the more concise sequencing marker when no numbered series is developed explicitly.
- 6. Use natural noun Original: the usage of phones Suggested revision: phone use Why it matters: “Phone use” is the more natural and concise noun phrase in this context.
- 7. Avoid inflated wording Original: actively detrimental Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: “Harmful” expresses the claimed negative effect directly without the unnecessary intensifier.
- 8. Use cautious association Original: can be directly correlated with Suggested revision: may be associated with Why it matters: This phrasing avoids presenting a theorized relationship as an established direct correlation.
- 9. Use clearer wording Original: ubiquity of phones Suggested revision: widespread availability of smartphones Why it matters: The replacement states the cause more directly and keeps the reference specific to smartphones.
- 10. Specify the cause Original: access to portable devices Suggested revision: widespread access to portable devices Why it matters: Adding “widespread” clarifies why access operates as a broad cause of the trend.
- 11. Maintain topic focus Original: devices Suggested revision: smartphones Why it matters: The more specific noun keeps the explanation focused on the devices named in the task.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The increased hours children spend on phones is therefore a combination of tremendous access coupled with a natural desire to use them. Suggested revision: The growing amount of time children spend on phones therefore results from widespread access to these devices and a natural desire to use them. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty subject phrase and removes the mixed “combination” and “coupled with” construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- more and more hours each day increasing amounts of time each day
- imitated Apple’s innovation developed products similar to Apple’s
- are often willing to allow often allow
- from of
- Firstly First
- the usage of phones phone use
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, sustains a clear negative position, and develops its explanation through a concise, highly coherent structure. The principal limitation is that some causal claims, particularly the reference to anxiety disorders and the assertion about government action, are stated too categorically; prioritise qualifying such claims or supporting them with more concrete reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the cause and the writer's negative evaluation are fully addressed with relevant, well-developed reasoning.
Qualify the more speculative research claim and explain the final statement about government limits rather than presenting it as self-evident.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly, paragraphs have distinct functions, and cohesive devices guide the reader without disrupting progression.
Create a slightly smoother bridge between the loss of healthy activities and the discussion of cognitive harm.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with strong control of topic-specific and evaluative language throughout.
Refine a few slightly heavy choices, such as “tremendous access” and repeated uses of “usage,” for greater naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Maintain this control while varying a few long sentences to make key claims even more direct.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.