Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? What are some possible solutions?
Sample Response
It is becoming increasingly difficult for the average citizen living in an urban area to set aside enough time for exercise. This is largely because of the rise of sedentary lifestyles and the best solutions involve moderate, individual changes.
The main causes of reduced physical activity by city residents is more modern ways of living. This relates first of all to technology. In the past, people were more likely to go out to meet with friends or take a trip to the cinema and now it is more common to chat with friends online and watch TV shows on Netflix at home. Combined with this is the widespread use of other technologies that reduce activity such as washing machines, apps for ordering food, and self-cleaning robots. All these factors together constitute a trend towards more passive lifestyles dependent on the modern comforts of 21st century technology.
Solutions for these problems ought to all involve individual initiative. Most people today are at least dimly aware of the dangers of addiction to and reliance on technology. Some possible remedies include allocating time every day to doing exercise or joining a sports team or socially reinforcing group activity such as yoga. There are also potential counters related to new technologies. Many companies are meeting consumer demand with wearable technologies, like the Fitbit or Apple Watch, that track advanced biometric data ranging from heartbeat to quality of sleep. These devices implicitly encourage a more active lifestyle.
In conclusion, technology is at the root of less exercise among city residents and this can be fixed by individuals taking up the burden of improving their own lives. These solutions are advisable since individual responsibility is a habit with myriad benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the contrast Original: cinema and now Suggested revision: cinema, whereas now Why it matters: The contrast marker makes the change from past to present explicit.
- 2. Be more precise Original: reduce activity Suggested revision: reduce physical activity Why it matters: Adding physical specifies the kind of activity discussed in the essay.
- 3. Tighten the phrase Original: dependent on the modern comforts of 21st century technology Suggested revision: enabled by modern technology Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary abstraction and repetition while preserving the claim.
- 4. Correct the preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Solution conventionally takes the preposition to when naming the problem addressed.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: ought to all involve Suggested revision: should involve Why it matters: This is a more direct and natural way to express the recommendation.
- 6. Choose natural wording Original: dimly Suggested revision: somewhat Why it matters: Somewhat aware is the more natural collocation for limited awareness.
- 7. Improve the construction Original: allocating time every day to doing exercise Suggested revision: setting aside time every day for exercise Why it matters: The revised construction is more idiomatic and concise.
- 8. Add parallel structure Original: joining a sports team or socially reinforcing group activity such as yoga Suggested revision: joining a sports team or a supportive group activity such as yoga Why it matters: The added article and parallel noun phrases make the alternatives grammatically balanced.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: potential counters related to new technologies Suggested revision: potential technology-based solutions Why it matters: Counters is vague here, whereas solutions directly identifies the role of the technologies.
- 10. Use the measured term Original: heartbeat Suggested revision: heart rate Why it matters: Wearable devices measure heart rate rather than a single heartbeat.
- 11. Use concise phrasing Original: quality of sleep Suggested revision: sleep quality Why it matters: The compact noun phrase is more natural in this list of tracked data.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The main causes of reduced physical activity by city residents is more modern ways of living. Suggested revision: The main cause of reduced physical activity among city residents is the modern way of life. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects subject-verb agreement and the awkward plural construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- cinema and now cinema, whereas now
- reduce activity reduce physical activity
- dependent on the modern comforts of 21st century technology enabled by modern technology
- for to
- ought to all involve should involve
- dimly somewhat
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both parts directly and organizes a coherent explanation of technology-driven inactivity followed by practical individual solutions. Its main limitation is that the causal analysis is fairly narrow and some solution claims, especially about wearable devices, are asserted rather than fully demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a broader, more explicitly reasoned cause-and-solution chain, showing how each proposed measure would change urban residents' behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and solutions are addressed directly with relevant explanation and several concrete examples.
Broaden the causal analysis beyond technology and explain more fully why each proposed solution would increase exercise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear cause-solution structure, and ideas progress smoothly within well-managed paragraphs.
Make the logical connection between each identified cause and its corresponding remedy more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and often precise, including effective language for technology, inactivity, and personal responsibility.
Revise a few strained combinations such as socially reinforcing group activity and potential counters for more natural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and generally accurate, with only occasional non-impeding errors.
Proofread agreement carefully, especially in sentences such as the main causes is, while retaining the existing structural range.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? What are some possible solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.