In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that the growth of the population rapidly spread with massive intensity across the world, which needs more housing Space and apartments for its survival. The diminution of land use for playgrounds and parks is in favour of individuals. A popular stratum of society deems that parks are vital in every community, but others believe that housing is more compatible with people’s growth and that they live without hurdles. However, I endorse the statement to an extent. I have some solid grounds to defend my opinion, which I would like to explicate at length in the paragraphs to come.
It is implicit that Parks bring an ample advantage; they provide numerous assets to the individual, which helps in addressing the problem of stress and depression. Also, they usually enhance their living standards and tends to do plenty of activities in parks. As a result, they feel delighted and get more focus in their workplace. Apart from that, in some Park, there are few sophisticated types of equipment installed and build more Playground assets which give connectivity to every society to make the lifestyle of the people convenient. For instance, building more Playgrounds on land has an abundance of benefits to making lives healthy. Even the Park has immense amenities like gym facilities and other sorts of pieces of equipment. To add to it, people also spend their quality time in parks and reduce the level of stress from their workaholic life.
Furthermore, green area in a large city helps to overcome the problem of pollution, which is caused by car factories, and burning other fossil fuels leads to the release of heavy toxic gases which are harmful to people. Moreover, there are a few options that government needs to resolve these issues. A very good way to control the problem of housing and Park. Local authorities need to construct a park on the rooftop of the building. For instance, in Dubai, there are lots of parks and gardens constructed on the roof of the buildings by incredible architectural designers. As a result of the problem of housing and pollution drastically going down, every building in Dubai follows this wealthy policy to make the people happy.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that the green area should be protected and need to build more in every community. Therefore, the government put their intention towards the housing space and constructed a building along with a garden on top.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix tense and structure Original: the growth of the population rapidly spread Suggested revision: the population is growing rapidly Why it matters: The original phrase uses an incorrect verb form and an unnatural noun structure.
- 2. Fix capitalization Original: Space Suggested revision: space Why it matters: A common noun in the middle of a sentence should not be capitalized.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: for its survival Suggested revision: to meet people’s needs Why it matters: The singular pronoun incorrectly treats the population as an organism needing housing to survive.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: The diminution of land use for playgrounds and parks Suggested revision: Reducing the land used for playgrounds and parks Why it matters: The revision expresses the reduction in parkland clearly and idiomatically.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: is in favour of individuals Suggested revision: benefits individuals Why it matters: The original phrase does not naturally describe an action that helps people.
- 6. Replace unnatural phrase Original: A popular stratum of society Suggested revision: Some people Why it matters: The original expression is unnecessarily formal and does not mean a group holding a popular view.
- 7. Clarify the comparison Original: housing is more compatible with people’s growth Suggested revision: housing is better suited to population growth Why it matters: ‘Compatible with people’s growth’ is an unnatural way to describe accommodating a larger population.
- 8. Fix clause structure Original: that they live without hurdles Suggested revision: enables them to live without difficulty Why it matters: The clause needs a verb that clearly expresses housing’s effect on people.
- 9. Fix number and collocation Original: Parks bring an ample advantage Suggested revision: parks offer many advantages Why it matters: The plural noun and natural verb phrase fit the claim about multiple benefits.
- 10. Use the correct noun Original: assets to the individual Suggested revision: benefits to individuals Why it matters: ‘Benefits’ accurately describes positive effects, while ‘assets’ refers to valuable possessions or resources.
- 11. Fix verb agreement Original: helps Suggested revision: help Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural noun ‘benefits’.
- 12. Fix the collocation Original: get more focus in their workplace Suggested revision: focus better at work Why it matters: The revision uses the natural verb ‘focus’ instead of the incorrect phrase ‘get focus’.
Suggested Rewrites
- the growth of the population rapidly spread the population is growing rapidly
- Space space
- for its survival to meet people’s needs
- The diminution of land use for playgrounds and parks Reducing the land used for playgrounds and parks
- is in favour of individuals benefits individuals
- A popular stratum of society Some people
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response offers relevant reasons for preserving parks and proposes rooftop green space as a possible compromise, with a recognisable paragraph structure. However, the stated partial agreement conflicts with the body and conclusion, and frequent grammatical and lexical problems sometimes obscure the reasoning. Establish one consistent position, compare it directly with the housing proposal, and express each supporting idea in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant benefits of parks and a possible compromise are discussed, but the response does not maintain or clearly explain its stated partial agreement.
State a precise position on converting parkland to housing and organise the body to justify every part of that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a visible introduction-body-conclusion structure, but progression is weakened by repetition, fragments, and loosely connected claims.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and use complete topic and concluding sentences to connect its explanation.
Lexical Resource
There is an evident attempt to use varied vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and collocations reduce clarity and naturalness.
Replace forced phrases with familiar precise terms and verify collocations such as population growth, green space, and reduce pollution.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, verb forms, and sentence boundaries impede accuracy.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check that every subject has a correctly formed verb and appropriate articles.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.