In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?
Sample Response
In numerous nations today, more people are living by themselves or in small units rather than living in large families like in the past. Personally, I think that this complex new development is on the whole more negative than positive, as although it can afford young people some independence, it can also create feelings of loneliness for many parts of the population.
From one point of view, one could argue that living alone has also granted young people the ability to do more of what they desire. Without having to spend time taking care of their families, many young people today can instead focus on what makes them tick, socially and professionally. This in turn leads to them going into different fields from their parents, allowing them to craft their own creative projects. In developing nations such as Vietnam, for instance, many young people have been able to engage in their own start-ups, positively improving their career and the national economy.
Conversely, the advent of smaller family units has helped to drive up a sense of isolation and a disconnect with one’s own roots. Living alone diminishes one's primary source of social interaction, which comes from the family, possibly resulting in psychological symptoms of loneliness or even depression. This is why despite being one of the most financially independent generations, millennials today report feelings of low mood more than any other previous generations. The prioritization of work and personal ambition, hence, could come at a cost of a diminutive social life.
In conclusion, I argue that while young people can be more independent living alone, this arrangement also brings with it the comparatively worse effects of a worse mental health. Therefore, the trend described in the question is one I argue is unwanted.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: many parts of the population Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: Many people states the intended meaning more directly and naturally.
- 2. Use formal phrasing Original: what makes them tick Suggested revision: their personal interests Why it matters: The idiom makes them tick is conversational for a formal essay.
- 3. Clarify the comparison Original: going into different fields from their parents Suggested revision: pursuing fields different from those of their parents Why it matters: This wording compares the young people’s fields with their parents’ fields explicitly.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: engage in their own start-ups Suggested revision: launch their own start-ups Why it matters: People launch or establish start-ups rather than engage in them.
- 5. Repair the collocation Original: positively improving their career and the national economy Suggested revision: advancing their careers and contributing to the national economy Why it matters: The revision uses natural verb-noun combinations and corrects the number of careers.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: drive up a sense of isolation Suggested revision: increase feelings of isolation Why it matters: Drive up normally describes measurable quantities and is awkward with a sense of isolation.
- 7. Choose precise noun Original: a disconnect with one’s own roots Suggested revision: disconnection from one’s roots Why it matters: Disconnection from is the more natural formal construction in this context.
- 8. Fix comparison form Original: any other previous generations Suggested revision: any previous generation Why it matters: Any takes a singular comparison noun here, and other is redundant with previous.
- 9. Use clearer connector Original: hence Suggested revision: therefore Why it matters: Therefore expresses the result relationship more naturally in this sentence position.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: diminutive Suggested revision: limited Why it matters: Diminutive usually describes unusually small physical size and is unsuitable for social life.
- 11. Clarify time relation Original: more independent living alone Suggested revision: more independent when living alone Why it matters: When is needed to show that the increased independence occurs under this living arrangement.
- 12. Repair awkward phrasing Original: the comparatively worse effects of a worse mental health Suggested revision: comparatively more serious effects on their mental health Why it matters: Mental health is uncountable, and effects occur on mental health rather than of it.
Suggested Rewrites
- many parts of the population many people
- what makes them tick their personal interests
- going into different fields from their parents pursuing fields different from those of their parents
- engage in their own start-ups launch their own start-ups
- positively improving their career and the national economy advancing their careers and contributing to the national economy
- drive up a sense of isolation increase feelings of isolation
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear judgement, develops contrasting consequences logically, and supports both sides with relevant explanation and an example. Its main limitation is an overly narrow emphasis on young people, alongside several strained word choices that weaken otherwise fluent argumentation. The highest priority is to address the wider population and both forms of smaller households more consistently while choosing simpler, more idiomatic vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative judgement is supported with relevant positive and negative arguments, though the discussion focuses too narrowly on young people and living alone.
Extend the analysis to other age groups and small family units so the full scope of the trend is addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with generally effective cohesion and clear relationships between claims and support.
Refine a few connective choices so transitions arise naturally from the argument rather than being inserted mechanically.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, but several strained collocations and unnecessarily elaborate choices reduce naturalness.
Prefer idiomatic phrases such as increased isolation, limited social life, and poorer mental health over less natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few errors rarely interfere with meaning.
Polish article use, comparison structures, and occasional compressed clauses to make already varied sentences consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.