Mobile phones and the Internet have made it easier to stay in contact with other people. However, as a lot of time is spent using telephones and computers, there is less face-to-face contact and direct communication. Is the growing use of communications technology a positive or a negative development for society?
Sample Response
In recent days, handphones and the Internet have become the necessity of many individuals. It is said that spending time playing these devices or surfing the Internet can be some unique recreational activities. This essay is going to examine the impacts of the communications technology to the community. Undoubtedly, mobile gadgets and the Internet can bring us great convenience. It is because, with a portable and user-friendly hand phones, we can contact each other at any time regardless of the locations. Besides, the Internet also made it easier for us to be informed of the latest and most stunning news without having to read the daily newspaper. Furthermore, with the widespread usage of the Internet, it takes us only a few moments before our problems are solved online as solutions are demanded from a staggering amount of the Internet users around the globe. However, in my opinion, the disadvantages of using latest communications technology definitely outweigh the advantages. It is generally reported that someone tends to become shy and seriously unsociable due to the long-term usage of cyber communications tools. Being influenced by the newest technology, the importance of direct communication is gradually being taken for granted. However, it is evident that the basic communication skills are essential to individuals especially those who work in the society. Without these skills, one may be left behind and thus lose the ability to be independent. In a nutshell, making use of the most up-to-date technology is pleasurable. However, in order for the best result to be expected, restrictions should be set in advance to avoid over-usage or abuses of the technology.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use suitable time phrase Original: days Suggested revision: years Why it matters: Recent years appropriately describes a broad technological trend rather than events over a few days.
- 2. Use standard term Original: handphones Suggested revision: mobile phones Why it matters: Mobile phones is the more widely understood standard term in international English.
- 3. Correct noun construction Original: the necessity of many individuals Suggested revision: a necessity for many individuals Why it matters: Necessity needs an indefinite article and takes for when describing who needs something.
- 4. Correct impact collocation Original: impacts of the communications technology to the community Suggested revision: effects of communication technology on society Why it matters: Effects on society uses the correct preposition and natural uncountable forms.
- 5. Link explanation clearly Original: It Suggested revision: This Why it matters: This needs an explicit antecedent to connect the explanation to the preceding claim.
- 6. Fix number agreement Original: a portable and user-friendly hand phones Suggested revision: portable and user-friendly mobile phones Why it matters: The plural noun phones cannot follow the singular article a.
- 7. Use uncountable location phrase Original: regardless of the locations Suggested revision: regardless of location Why it matters: Location is used without an article or plural ending in this fixed expression.
- 8. Maintain present tense Original: made Suggested revision: makes Why it matters: The present tense is required for a current general advantage.
- 9. Add article and agree Original: using latest communications technology Suggested revision: using the latest communication technology Why it matters: Latest requires the, and communication functions naturally as the singular modifier.
- 10. Use general plural subject Original: someone tends Suggested revision: people tend Why it matters: The plural subject naturally expresses a general tendency across society.
- 11. Use precise description Original: seriously unsociable Suggested revision: socially withdrawn Why it matters: Socially withdrawn more precisely describes reduced willingness to interact with others.
- 12. Use natural noun Original: usage Suggested revision: use Why it matters: Use is the natural noun when referring to sustained engagement with technology.
Suggested Rewrites
- days years
- handphones mobile phones
- the necessity of many individuals a necessity for many individuals
- impacts of the communications technology to the community effects of communication technology on society
- It This
- a portable and user-friendly hand phones portable and user-friendly mobile phones
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response considers both benefits and drawbacks and gives a definite judgment that the social disadvantages outweigh the convenience of communication technology. Its main limitation is that several claims are vague or weakly connected, while the one-paragraph structure and frequent awkward expressions make the reasoning less persuasive. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one clear social benefit and one clear harm with specific examples, then explain why the harm carries greater weight.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative judgment is supported by relevant benefits and harms, but development is uneven and some consequences are asserted without sufficient explanation.
Use a concrete example to show how excessive online communication weakens face-to-face ability and explain why this outweighs convenience.
Coherence and Cohesion
The movement from advantages to disadvantages and a conclusion is discernible, but the single paragraph and repeated transitional markers limit clear progression.
Separate the introduction, benefits, harms, and conclusion, with one central claim developed in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for technology and social interaction, but many collocations, word choices, and plural forms are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise phrases such as 'mobile phones', 'communication technology', 'online users', 'face-to-face skills', and 'excessive use'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, though recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and passive constructions reduce control.
Revise forms such as 'mobile phones are necessities', 'the impact on society', and 'restrictions should be introduced to prevent overuse'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Mobile phones and the Internet have made it easier to stay in contact with other people. However, as a lot of time is spent using telephones and computers, there is less face-to-face contact and direct communication. Is the growing use of communications technology a positive or a negative development for society?
Your response
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