Many people spend a lot of time using communication technology. What are the reasons for this? What is the impact of it on the relationships with their families and other people?
Sample Response
Communication is the art of conveying expressions, emotions and feelings between individuals. As the human steps on the path to transcendence, the high-tech tries to interfere in every facet of life and facilitate the vicissitudes of it. However, the real impacts of novel technologies are a perennial debate.
First, the invention of the telegraph made our infinite world really small. So, delivering messages faster was the first stepping stone of communication technology. Second, utilising ordinary phones and some years later by cell phones, the word of loneliness was eliminated from the dictionary of a society. Third, the internet which has the most striking impact on our life makes it possible to transform a cell phone into a bank, library or a conference room. Thus, being stocked in traffic jams or breathing polluted air is not a matter due to privileges of novel technologies.
On the other hand, psychologists consider modern people an indolent species. Nowadays, we prefer using our phones instead of taking a walk to see a friend. Also, the artificial intelligence and ambience dilute the role of emotion in interacting. The amazing gadgets and fascinating communication can lead us to forget how to like and dislike. Hence, it can put us in the prison which we made and erect around us.
To sum up, although the modern technology can make far distances shorter or carry out our monotonous works faster, but we should not lose the sight of the fact that it can never transfer our feeling and emotions. Thus, a middle ground should be taken for these two approaches.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate noun Original: conveying expressions Suggested revision: conveying ideas Why it matters: People convey ideas rather than expressions in this context.
- 2. Correct generic subject Original: As the human steps Suggested revision: As humanity advances Why it matters: Humanity is the appropriate uncountable subject for people collectively.
- 3. Use standard noun Original: the high-tech Suggested revision: technology Why it matters: High-tech is normally adjectival here, whereas the sentence requires a noun.
- 4. Choose neutral verb Original: interfere in every facet of life Suggested revision: affect every facet of life Why it matters: Affect expresses the intended influence without the unnecessarily negative sense of interfere.
- 5. Clarify awkward phrase Original: facilitate the vicissitudes of it Suggested revision: make its changes easier to manage Why it matters: The original collocation is unclear and the pronoun reference is awkward.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: real impacts Suggested revision: actual effects Why it matters: Actual effects is a more natural collocation in this statement.
- 7. Fix complement structure Original: are a perennial debate Suggested revision: remain the subject of ongoing debate Why it matters: Impacts cannot themselves be a debate, so the complement must identify them as its subject.
- 8. Choose precise adjective Original: infinite world Suggested revision: vast world Why it matters: Vast conveys great geographical scale without the inaccurate absolute meaning of infinite.
- 9. Correct collocation Original: first stepping stone of communication technology Suggested revision: first milestone in communication technology Why it matters: Milestone in is the natural expression for an important stage of technological development.
- 10. Repair modifier Original: utilising ordinary phones and some years later by cell phones Suggested revision: with the use of landline phones and, later, cell phones Why it matters: The replacement fixes the mismatched participial and prepositional structure.
- 11. Remove faulty phrase Original: the word of loneliness Suggested revision: loneliness Why it matters: The intended concept is loneliness itself, not a word belonging to it.
- 12. Fix article phrase Original: the dictionary of a society Suggested revision: society Why it matters: Society is used generically here and does not take this article-and-of construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- conveying expressions conveying ideas
- As the human steps As humanity advances
- the high-tech technology
- interfere in every facet of life affect every facet of life
- facilitate the vicissitudes of it make its changes easier to manage
- real impacts actual effects
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response uses a clear paragraph structure and shows an ambitious range of language while explaining some conveniences of communication technology and its isolating effects. However, the reasons people spend so much time with it are addressed only indirectly, and several ideas are abstract or insufficiently developed. Prioritise a direct explanation of user motivations, then support each claimed effect on relationships with a concrete, clearly expressed example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions receive some attention, but the reasons for extensive use are mostly implied through a history of technological convenience and the relationship effects remain broadly developed.
State two direct reasons for heavy use and explain a specific consequence for family or social relationships after each one.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph response progresses from background to benefits, drawbacks, and a conclusion, although numbered transitions and some unclear links make the progression mechanical.
Organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea and use logical connections that explicitly show cause and effect.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and ambitious, but frequent imprecise choices and awkward collocations sometimes obscure otherwise understandable ideas.
Prefer accurate, natural combinations such as being stuck in traffic and emotional connection rather than forcing unusual abstract expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but recurring article, agreement, clause, and sentence-construction errors reduce control while meaning generally remains clear.
Edit complex sentences for complete clause structure and remove double-linking patterns such as although followed by but.