Many companies are selling More and more products around the world. Do you think this development is advantageous or disadvantageous?
Sample Response
In recent years, it is observed that the sale of consumable goods has increased drastically; however, I do not find it beneficial, which is explained in the below composition.
It cannot be denied that people’s earnings across the globe have achieved new levels due to which people, especially in developed countries, do not think much before buying. This situation looks bright from one side, but one of the darkest sides of it is the increased amount of waste. On the one hand, earlier, people were very conscious while using devices, such as radio, television, bike. Further to this, they used to take it for repairing if some minor issues are encountered. On the other hand, these days, people do not even bother to get it checked with a technician and buy a new one because of increased leverages and busy lifestyle. Consequently, governments are struggling to manage rubbish, especially those which are non-biodegradables. In India, for example, the lawmakers had to open a new department called The Waste Management Department in the previous year because the current establishment was failing disastrously. Thus, people are able to use new gadgets and goods, but it can be called a development because it is harming natural resources.
Another point is very critical. Inhabitants have developed feelings of jealousy in between them because of their tendency of buying unrequired goods. Out of such bad emotions and disturbed mental state, they buy liabilities by taking huge loans. As a result, they end up filing themselves bankrupt. In this way, they not only lose their respect in society but sometimes they encounter life-threatening diseases because of piled up anxiety and stress. This is also supported by Yale University’s recent survey on “Shopping Trends”. Hence, if people are suffering just because of buying unnecessary products, then it cannot be considered as development.
To conclude, although some corporates might feel proud by checking their sales reports, in my view, such development is preposterous as it is harming natural resources as well as the mental state of the entire society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural signposting Original: in the below composition Suggested revision: in this essay Why it matters: 'In this essay' is the natural expression for referring to the response itself.
- 2. Improve the income collocation Original: earnings across the globe have achieved new levels Suggested revision: incomes around the world have risen to new levels Why it matters: Incomes 'rise' rather than 'achieve' a level, and the revised wording is more natural.
- 3. Express the behaviour precisely Original: do not think much before buying Suggested revision: think less carefully before making purchases Why it matters: The revision states the reduced consideration more precisely.
- 4. Use a natural contrast Original: looks bright from one side Suggested revision: seems positive in one respect Why it matters: This is the idiomatic formal way to acknowledge one favourable aspect.
- 5. Use precise drawback wording Original: one of the darkest sides of it Suggested revision: one of its most serious drawbacks Why it matters: 'Drawback' expresses a negative consequence more naturally in this context.
- 6. Fix example nouns Original: devices, such as radio, television, bike Suggested revision: devices such as radios, televisions, and bikes Why it matters: Examples of countable devices should be plural and joined as a complete list.
- 7. Use a clear linker Original: Further to this Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: 'Furthermore' is a concise academic connector for an additional related point.
- 8. Fix pronoun and form Original: take it for repairing Suggested revision: take them for repair Why it matters: The plural devices require 'them', and 'for repair' is the correct construction.
- 9. Keep tense and agency clear Original: if some minor issues are encountered Suggested revision: if they encountered minor issues Why it matters: The simple past matches 'used to', and the active clause clearly identifies the users.
- 10. Fix pronoun and preposition Original: get it checked with a technician Suggested revision: have them checked by a technician Why it matters: The plural reference needs 'them', and the person performing the check is introduced with 'by'.
- 11. Name purchasing power Original: increased leverages Suggested revision: greater purchasing power Why it matters: 'Leverages' does not express consumers' increased financial capacity here.
- 12. Match the plural subject Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: The plural subject 'people' requires the plural noun when referring to their lifestyles generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the below composition in this essay
- earnings across the globe have achieved new levels incomes around the world have risen to new levels
- do not think much before buying think less carefully before making purchases
- looks bright from one side seems positive in one respect
- one of the darkest sides of it one of its most serious drawbacks
- devices, such as radio, television, bike devices such as radios, televisions, and bikes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a consistent negative position and develops two clearly separated consequences of rising consumption, with relevant explanation and examples. Its main weakness is imprecise language: unnatural collocations and occasional faulty wording make otherwise logical claims sound awkward or even contradictory. The highest-priority improvement is to express the environmental and financial arguments in simpler, more idiomatic language while checking that every concluding sentence states the intended meaning accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is answered directly through two relevant, extended disadvantages, although some claims and examples are overgeneralised or insufficiently substantiated.
Strengthen each argument with a more measured causal explanation and a specific, credible example tied closely to worldwide product sales.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and logical topic progression support the argument, though cohesive phrases are sometimes mechanical and one local contradiction disrupts the flow.
Use referencing and logical transitions more naturally, and proofread each paragraph's final sentence for consistency with its main point.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring inaccurate or unnatural choices such as increased leverages, unrequired goods, and filing themselves bankrupt reduce precision.
Replace ambitious but unsuitable expressions with established collocations such as disposable income, unnecessary goods, and declare bankruptcy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex sentences, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, pronouns, plurals, and clause construction remain noticeable despite generally clear meaning.
Edit complex sentences clause by clause, checking noun number, pronoun reference, articles, and verb forms before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many companies are selling More and more products around the world. Do you think this development is advantageous or disadvantageous?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.