Some people say that large companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
Large companies can play a significant role in shaping local communities, and one aspect that can greatly benefit these communities is the provision of sports and social facilities. This essay will agree with this view and will discuss the importance of large companies contributing to the well-being of their local communities by offering such facilities.
When large companies provide sports and social facilities, they create opportunities for community engagement and social cohesion. These facilities serve as gathering places where people from diverse backgrounds can come together, fostering a sense of belonging and unity. For instance, a company-sponsored community sports centre can host various sporting events and activities, encouraging residents of all ages to participate, interact, and build social connections. This sense of community can have a positive impact on the overall well-being and harmony of the local population.
Moreover, these facilities can serve as platforms for community-led initiatives and events. Companies can collaborate with local organisations to organise cultural festivals, charity fundraisers, and other community-focused activities. This involvement promotes a sense of ownership and pride among community members, instilling a shared responsibility for the welfare and development of the locality.
Finally, by providing sports facilities, large companies can contribute to promoting healthy lifestyles within the community. Accessible and well-equipped sports centres offer opportunities for physical activity, encouraging residents to engage in regular exercise and maintain their overall fitness. This can have significant benefits in terms of preventing chronic diseases, reducing healthcare costs, and improving the overall health and well-being of the community. Since large companies have financial means to support the local community, they should be obliged to offer such social facilities to local citizens.
In conclusion, large companies have a responsibility to contribute to the well-being of local communities, and providing sports and social facilities is an effective way to fulfil this responsibility. By fostering community engagement, promoting social cohesion, and encouraging healthy lifestyles, these facilities create positive impacts on the overall quality of life for residents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: various sporting events and activities Suggested revision: sporting events and activities Why it matters: The two nouns already convey variety, so the modifier is unnecessary.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: This sense of community Suggested revision: These social connections Why it matters: The replacement refers more precisely to the interactions described in the preceding sentence.
- 3. Use a precise reference Original: involvement Suggested revision: collaboration Why it matters: The preceding sentence specifically describes collaboration between companies and local organisations.
- 4. Use a concise verb Original: contribute to promoting Suggested revision: help promote Why it matters: This removes an unnecessarily wordy verb combination.
- 5. Add the article Original: have financial means Suggested revision: have the financial means Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the definite article here.
- 6. Keep the scope precise Original: such social facilities Suggested revision: such sports and social facilities Why it matters: The fuller phrase preserves both types of facilities discussed throughout the essay.
- 7. Use the natural term Original: citizens Suggested revision: residents Why it matters: Residents is the more natural term for people living in a particular community.
- 8. Use singular impact Original: positive impacts on Suggested revision: a positive impact on Why it matters: The singular collocation is more natural when describing the combined effect on quality of life.
- 9. Tighten the phrase Original: overall quality of life for residents Suggested revision: residents' overall quality of life Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the same relationship more concisely.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Large companies can play a significant role in shaping local communities, and one aspect that can greatly benefit these communities is the provision of sports and social facilities. Suggested revision: Large companies can play a significant role in local communities, partly by providing sports and social facilities. Why it matters: This revision removes repetition and states the relationship more directly.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay will agree with this view and will discuss the importance of large companies contributing to the well-being of their local communities by offering such facilities. Suggested revision: I agree that large companies should contribute to local well-being by providing these facilities. Why it matters: A direct position is clearer and avoids unnecessary essay-announcement language.
Suggested Rewrites
- various sporting events and activities sporting events and activities
- This sense of community These social connections
- involvement collaboration
- contribute to promoting help promote
- have financial means have the financial means
- such social facilities such sports and social facilities
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops several relevant benefits through well-controlled paragraphs and fluent, precise language. Its main limitation is that the support remains fairly general and does not seriously examine the practical basis for obliging companies to provide these facilities. The strongest improvement would be to deepen one argument with a more specific, critically explained example or qualification.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is direct and consistent, with three relevant benefits developed through explanation and examples.
Deepen the justification for placing this responsibility on large companies by addressing a practical qualification or counterpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring relationships.
Make the link between the final supporting point and the central obligation slightly more explicit to sharpen the progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately formal, with effective control of community, health, and social-policy language.
Reduce repetition of key nouns such as community and facilities by using a few more precise context-specific alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with only minor awkwardness that does not impede communication.
Refine occasional collocations such as create positive impacts to make otherwise strong sentences fully idiomatic.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that large companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.