A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?
Sample Response
Human, through the ages, has undergone many changes from the time when he depicted a herd of mammoths on the walls of the cave to nowadays when the arts are more complicated. Our attitude towards the environment is changed too. A few centuries ago people did not care about pollution, erosion, animal extinction, etc. However, nowadays people, again and again, talk about this and try to make a difference. I think that money donation for environment protection must take priority over the support of the arts. Bellow, I will give my reasons to support my answer. The invention of the automobile is undoubtedly one of the humankind's greatest inventions. However, the automobile brought us many disadvantages as well. The air nowadays is polluted by millions of cars every day. Every day clouds of exhaust are rising from the ground contaminating all around. So, I think that money from a company can be used to make our air fresher and cleaner. Another important aspect of this is the contamination of water. Water is an essential resource for all living creatures. Nothing will survive without it. Unfortunately, we spend fresh water sometimes very carelessly. Also, many factories wash away their used resources in the nearest river poisoning everything alive there. I think that monetary donations would be helpful for cleaning our water resources from oil, garbage and chemical matters. Finally, I think that now humankind faced the problem of overpopulation. The population is dramatically rising. We need more food, shelters, clothes, construction materials and space. So, many animals are extinguishing. So, I believe that this money could be spent on conducting a campaign against overpopulation. To sum up, I think that in order to make our children happy we should be more careful with the resources that we take from nature and if it is possible to restore them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: Human, through the ages Suggested revision: Humans, throughout history Why it matters: The general reference requires a plural noun and the time phrase is more naturally expressed this way.
- 2. Match the pronoun Original: he Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural reference to humans.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: on the walls of the cave Suggested revision: on cave walls Why it matters: This is a more concise and idiomatic way to express the location.
- 4. Fix time expression Original: to nowadays when Suggested revision: to the present day, when Why it matters: Nowadays cannot function as a noun after to in this construction.
- 5. Choose precise adjective Original: complicated Suggested revision: sophisticated Why it matters: Sophisticated more accurately describes increased artistic complexity.
- 6. Use present perfect Original: is Suggested revision: has Why it matters: The present perfect expresses a change that developed over time and remains relevant now.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: people, again and again, talk about this Suggested revision: people repeatedly discuss these issues Why it matters: The revision is more formal and gives this a clear plural reference.
- 8. Fix noun phrase Original: money donation for environment protection Suggested revision: donations for environmental protection Why it matters: The revised noun phrase uses the natural collocation and correct modifier form.
- 9. Improve the collocation Original: the support of the arts Suggested revision: support for the arts Why it matters: Support for is the natural prepositional pattern in this context.
- 10. Correct the spelling Original: Bellow Suggested revision: Below Why it matters: Bellow is a different word, while Below introduces the reasons that follow.
- 11. Remove extra article Original: one of the humankind's Suggested revision: one of humankind's Why it matters: The possessive proper reference humankind's does not take the article the here.
- 12. Improve word order Original: nowadays Suggested revision: today Why it matters: Today fits more naturally after the noun in this clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- Human, through the ages Humans, throughout history
- he they
- on the walls of the cave on cave walls
- to nowadays when to the present day, when
- complicated sophisticated
- is has
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is its firm choice of environmental protection and its use of several relevant areas—air, water, and wildlife—to support that choice. However, development is uneven, the final overpopulation point is only loosely connected to a company donation, and frequent language errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to organize the reasons into distinct paragraphs and explain one realistic company-funded environmental action in depth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear choice is maintained and supported by several relevant environmental concerns, though some reasoning remains general or indirect.
Explain how a specific company donation would produce a concrete environmental benefit, especially for the final point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable sequence, but the single-paragraph presentation and repetitive linking make progression mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of environmental vocabulary, but frequent spelling and collocational inaccuracies reduce precision.
Replace inaccurate phrases such as "animals are extinguishing" and "chemical matters" with natural topic-specific wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurrent errors in agreement, tense, articles, and sentence construction are noticeable.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and verb forms, then proofread each complex sentence for a complete, controlled structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.