Some people believe that competition helps children to be better prepared for their future, while others say that competition can be harmful to children and should be limited to adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Competitions in the form of sports day, debate event, singing contest or paintwork and so on facilitate to polish the abilities and skills of children. Marvellous performances and brilliance showcased during these events help in unfolding the natural talent which children are capable of. Few people argue that competitions help children to face future challenges while others believe that these contests should be for adolescents only. This essay will present an opinion after analysing both viewpoints.
Championships assist students in exploring their internal abilities and weaknesses which prepare them to tackle future struggles and hardships. Different sporting events and other academic sport like scrabble, racing, and mind math and so on are instrumental in making them physically fit and mentally strong. It helps to raise confidence, improves their planning skills and helps them to be more organised and focused, these are vital for an individual to progress well in future. For instance, debate competition helps children to explore their abilities to present their topic and aid in understand that winning or losing is a part of life and one should always put their best efforts irrespective of its outcome. Moreover, competitions in the form of tournaments or matches help children to learn how to handle and respond in pressure situation which can further help them in their academic exams.
On the contrary, another school of thought believes that only adolescents should be tried for sporting events. Proponents of this viewpoint argue that children are too young to be tried for such events. Their physical structure is still under growing phase and any severe injury caused due to these competitions can have severe consequences. They say that children should focus more on academic studies and out station activities like an academic tour or picnic party would be more helpful for them than contesting in different events. Moreover, children might not be able to handle the pressure of an event which and losing while contesting can result in nervous breakdown or other mental disorder as children tend to be touchy and feel things very closely. Furthermore, it can result in hatred or give rise to jealousy as they are still young to understand and absorb the principles of competing.
To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments in favour of both views. However, I personally believe that competition is good for children as it harness confidence, bravery and brace them to face future challenges effectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural list item Original: day Suggested revision: days Why it matters: The general list refers to a type of recurring event, so the plural is appropriate.
- 2. Use plural list item Original: event Suggested revision: events Why it matters: This generic list requires a plural count noun.
- 3. Name activity clearly Original: paintwork and so on Suggested revision: art competitions Why it matters: Paintwork does not naturally name a competitive event, and the vague ending is unnecessary.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: facilitate to polish Suggested revision: help develop Why it matters: Facilitate is not followed by an infinitive in this structure, while help develop expresses the meaning naturally.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: help in unfolding Suggested revision: help reveal Why it matters: Reveal talent is the conventional collocation for making ability apparent.
- 6. Correct relative structure Original: talent which children are capable of Suggested revision: talent that children possess Why it matters: Be capable of requires an activity, whereas possess correctly takes talent as its object.
- 7. Use neutral quantifier Original: Few Suggested revision: Some Why it matters: Few implies that almost nobody holds the view, which is not the intended neutral contrast.
- 8. Choose precise adjective Original: internal Suggested revision: innate Why it matters: Innate describes abilities that naturally exist within a person.
- 9. Correct category noun Original: sport Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: Scrabble and mental arithmetic are activities rather than sports, and the plural matches the list.
- 10. Use standard term Original: mind math Suggested revision: mental arithmetic Why it matters: Mental arithmetic is the standard term for doing calculations without written aids.
- 11. Add article Original: debate competition helps Suggested revision: a debate competition helps Why it matters: The singular count noun competition requires an article.
- 12. Correct verb form Original: aid in understand Suggested revision: help them understand Why it matters: The structure needs an object and a base-form verb after help.
Suggested Rewrites
- day days
- event events
- paintwork and so on art competitions
- facilitate to polish help develop
- help in unfolding help reveal
- talent which children are capable of talent that children possess
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay discusses both positions and gives a clear final preference for age-appropriate competition, with useful examples of confidence, resilience, injury, and pressure. Its main limitation is accuracy and control: the opposing view is repeatedly described as favouring adolescents rather than adults, and frequent awkward or malformed sentences weaken the reasoning. The priority is to represent the second view precisely and develop a balanced recommendation about safe, supervised competition for children.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both the benefits and potential harms of competition are developed and a clear opinion is given, but the view favouring adults is inaccurately reframed as favouring adolescents.
Represent the adult-only position accurately, then explain why supervised, age-appropriate contests can preserve benefits while limiting pressure and injury.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall two-sided progression are clear, though long sentences and loosely connected examples reduce flow within paragraphs.
Give each body paragraph two clearly sequenced reasons and use shorter explanation-example links instead of adding several ideas to one sentence.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a wide range for skills and competition, but frequent inaccurate combinations such as 'unfolding talent,' 'tried for sporting events,' and 'under growing phase' reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as 'discover talent,' 'take part in competitions,' 'still developing physically,' and 'perform under pressure.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, verb patterns, articles, pronoun reference, and sentence boundaries impair control.
Build complete sentences around clear subjects and verbs, for example 'Debating helps children present ideas and understand that losing is part of life.'
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that competition helps children to be better prepared for their future, while others say that competition can be harmful to children and should be limited to adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.