Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
As the number of university applicants continues to rise, a debate has emerged regarding whether this growing competition yields positive or negative consequences. In my opinion, competition is positive in this case despite the increased emotional burden it engenders.
One of the major drawbacks of increased university competition is the mounting pressure it places on students. Intense competition often leads to heightened stress levels, anxiety, and mental health issues. Countless students face sleepless nights, burnout, and compromised well-being due to the overwhelming pressure to outshine their peers. For instance, research conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that high-stakes academic competitions and examinations can contribute to elevated levels of stress and anxiety disorders. Consequently, this negative impact on mental health can hinder students’ overall development and well-rounded growth.
On the other hand, intense competition can also act as a driving force that motivates students to strive for excellence and unleash their full potential. When faced with a highly competitive environment, students are incentivized to become more focused, disciplined, and goal-oriented. They are then more likely to develop a strong work ethic, perseverance, and resilience, which are essential qualities for success in various aspects of life. There is therefore an increased likelihood that students who have overcome intense competition during their university admissions process will display higher levels of determination and tenacity in their future endeavors, leading to potentially greater achievements in their careers.
In conclusion, escalating competition for university admission increases stress levels among students, yet more importantly fosters personal growth. Individuals must learn methods to manage their anxiety as it will prepare them for greater achievement later in life as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: yields Suggested revision: has Why it matters: Has consequences is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 2. State evaluation precisely Original: competition is positive in this case Suggested revision: this competition is a positive development Why it matters: The revision identifies the specific competition and uses the task’s evaluative term precisely.
- 3. Clarify competition target Original: increased university competition Suggested revision: increased competition for university places Why it matters: The revised phrase makes clear that applicants compete for admission places rather than universities themselves.
- 4. Avoid overstatement Original: Countless Suggested revision: Many Why it matters: Many maintains the point without the unnecessarily absolute force of countless.
- 5. Use singular concept Original: competitions Suggested revision: competition Why it matters: Competition is more natural as an uncountable general concept in this claim.
- 6. Remove overlapping ideas Original: overall development and well-rounded growth Suggested revision: overall development Why it matters: Overall development already includes the idea of well-rounded growth.
- 7. Use formal collocation Original: unleash Suggested revision: realize Why it matters: Realize their potential is a more restrained academic collocation.
- 8. Set off sentence adverb Original: yet more importantly fosters Suggested revision: yet, more importantly, fosters Why it matters: The sentence adverb more importantly should be enclosed by commas.
- 9. Clarify reference Original: as it will prepare them Suggested revision: because doing so will prepare them Why it matters: Doing so clearly refers to learning to manage anxiety, while it has an uncertain antecedent.
- 10. Use plural outcome Original: achievement Suggested revision: achievements Why it matters: The plural achievements fits the general reference to individuals’ future successes.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There is therefore an increased likelihood that students who have overcome intense competition during their university admissions process will display higher levels of determination and tenacity in their future endeavors, leading to potentially greater achievements in their careers. Suggested revision: Therefore, students who overcome intense competition during university admissions are more likely to show determination and tenacity in their future endeavors and potentially achieve more in their careers. Why it matters: The rewrite reduces heavy nominalization and makes the causal progression easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- yields has
- competition is positive in this case this competition is a positive development
- increased university competition increased competition for university places
- Countless Many
- competitions competition
- overall development and well-rounded growth overall development
Why this response received Band 8.0
Clear positioning and well-developed contrast between emotional costs and motivational benefits make the argument persuasive and easy to follow. The main limitation is that some support, especially the cited research and the claimed link to later career success, is stated broadly rather than examined with precise qualification. Strengthen the response by grounding each causal claim in a more specific explanation and using the conclusion to synthesise why the benefits decisively outweigh the costs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question directly, sustains a clear positive judgment, and develops both the drawback and the greater benefit convincingly.
Make the final evaluation even sharper by explaining more explicitly why personal growth outweighs the identified mental-health cost.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used clearly and effectively.
Refine the transition into the conclusion so it synthesises the comparison instead of mainly restating the two sides.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas naturally, with only occasional phrasing that feels broad or emphatic.
Prefer more measured wording for claims such as “unleash their full potential” and specify the exact kind of achievement intended.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor lapses do not affect clarity.
Polish punctuation and coordination in long concluding sentences to maintain consistently effortless control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.