You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task. You need to write an essay addressing the topic below Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Your essay should comprise a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Response
There are widely differing views on whether competition or cooperation is more advantageous in work, school, and daily life. Whilst some believe competition motivates individuals to excel, others think cooperation fosters a supportive and productive environment. Personally, I advocate for a balanced approach, recognizing the merits of both competition and cooperation.
On one hand, competition can be a powerful driving force. This is because it encourages individuals to strive for excellence, resulting in higher performance and innovation. For instance, in educational settings, students who compete for top grades often invest significant effort into their studies, leading to a deeper understanding of the material and better academic outcomes. Similarly, in the workplace, competition can motivate employees to enhance their skills and productivity, ultimately benefiting the company’s performance. Thus, competition can be instrumental in promoting personal and organizational growth.
Conversely, cooperation is essential for cultivating a harmonious and efficient environment. One major reason for this is that collaborative efforts often lead to more effective problem-solving and innovation as they combine diverse perspectives and skills. For example, in team projects at school or work, individuals who collaborate can leverage each other's strengths to achieve a common goal more efficiently than if they worked alone. Additionally, a cooperative environment can reduce stress and foster a sense of community and support, which is crucial for mental health and well-being. Therefore, cooperation is invaluable in fostering teamwork, enhancing relationships, and creating a positive atmosphere.
In conclusion, while competition can drive individuals to achieve their best, cooperation is vital for creating a supportive and efficient environment. However, I strongly feel that a balanced approach that incorporates both competition and cooperation, depending on the context, can yield the most beneficial outcomes. By recognizing when to compete and when to collaborate, individuals and organizations can harness the strengths of both approaches to achieve their goals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: widely differing views Suggested revision: differing views Why it matters: 'Differing' already conveys variation, so 'widely' adds little precision.
- 2. Complete fixed phrase Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard linking expression includes the definite article.
- 3. Clarify the pronoun Original: it Suggested revision: competition Why it matters: Naming the subject removes a momentary ambiguity in the pronoun reference.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: higher Suggested revision: better Why it matters: 'Better performance' is the more natural collocation for improved quality.
- 5. Choose precise verb Original: benefiting Suggested revision: improving Why it matters: Skills and productivity improve performance more directly than they benefit it.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: can be instrumental in promoting Suggested revision: can promote Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same meaning with less wordiness.
- 7. Shorten the link Original: One major reason for this is that Suggested revision: This is because Why it matters: The shorter causal link maintains the progression without unnecessary framing.
- 8. Clarify causal link Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: 'Because' makes the causal relationship between combined perspectives and innovation explicit.
- 9. Sharpen the meaning Original: a sense of community and support Suggested revision: a sense of community and mutual support Why it matters: 'Mutual' clarifies that group members support one another.
- 10. Use consistent transition Original: However Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: The sentence restates the balanced position rather than contrasting with the preceding sentence.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: the most beneficial outcomes Suggested revision: the best outcomes Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same superlative meaning more directly.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Therefore, cooperation is invaluable in fostering teamwork, enhancing relationships, and creating a positive atmosphere. Suggested revision: Therefore, cooperation promotes teamwork, strengthens relationships, and creates a positive atmosphere. Why it matters: The rewrite avoids the repetitive pairing of 'cooperation' with 'fostering teamwork' and uses parallel verbs.
Suggested Rewrites
- widely differing views differing views
- On one hand On the one hand
- it competition
- higher better
- benefiting improving
- can be instrumental in promoting can promote
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay fully addresses both perspectives and sustains a clear, nuanced preference for balancing competition with cooperation. Ideas are logically sequenced, well supported, and expressed through flexible, precise language, with only minor conventional or stylistic lapses. The best next step is to make the analysis even more discriminating by identifying specific contexts in which one approach should take priority over the other.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly examined, the balanced opinion is consistently maintained, and each position is supported with relevant explanation and examples.
Deepen the opinion by specifying the circumstances in which competition or cooperation is more appropriate instead of treating balance mainly in general terms.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and appropriately.
Refine the transition into the first body paragraph by using the conventional phrase 'On the one hand' and vary a few explicit concluding signals.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used naturally to discuss motivation, productivity, collaboration, and well-being.
For further refinement, reduce slight repetition of words such as 'environment', 'foster', and 'achieve' by selecting equally precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor lapses that do not affect clarity.
Polish the few conventional phrasing details and check pronoun references in longer sentences to maintain consistently exact control.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task. You need to write an essay addressing the topic below Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Your essay should comprise a minimum of 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.