Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Concerning the development of children, there are two different schools of thought. On the one hand, some people argue that children should be taught to be competitive to succeed later in life. Others believe that cooperation is the key to success. In this essay, both views will be discussed. Personally, I am in favour of teaching children cooperation rather than competition.
Those who support competition in children argue that it is important for them to develop a drive to succeed. They believe that children who are taught to compete will be better prepared for the demands of the real world. Moreover, competition helps to improve self-confidence and self-esteem. This can also lead to higher levels of motivation and effort in achieving goals.
On the other hand, some people argue that cooperation is more important than competition. Children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete are likely to become more useful adults because they will be able to work effectively in teams. Moreover, cooperative skills are essential in most jobs as adults need to be able to work in a team and collaborate with others. Additionally, cooperation fosters a sense of community and togetherness which is important for social development.
In my opinion, cooperation should be encouraged in children. While competition can be motivating, it can also lead to negative behaviours such as cheating and feelings of inferiority. In contrast, cooperation encourages positive behaviours such as sharing, empathy and respect for others. It also allows children to learn from each other and build positive relationships which can last a lifetime.
In conclusion, while there are merits to both approaches, I believe that cooperation should be the priority in the education and development of children. This will ultimately lead to more productive and fulfilling adult lives for our children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the infinitive complement Original: teaching children cooperation Suggested revision: teaching children to cooperate Why it matters: Teach takes an object followed by an infinitive when describing the learned action.
- 2. Use a concise opening Original: Concerning the development of children Suggested revision: Regarding children's development Why it matters: The possessive phrase introduces the topic more concisely.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: two different schools of thought Suggested revision: two schools of thought Why it matters: Two already establishes that the schools of thought are different.
- 4. Use direct action wording Original: be taught to be competitive Suggested revision: be encouraged to compete Why it matters: The revision states the proposed behaviour more directly.
- 5. Clarify the future benefit Original: to succeed later in life Suggested revision: as preparation for later success Why it matters: This phrasing makes the claimed preparatory purpose explicit without changing it.
- 6. Avoid an absolute expression Original: cooperation is the key to success Suggested revision: cooperation is essential for success Why it matters: Essential for success preserves the strong claim without the clichéd key metaphor.
- 7. Remove the mechanical roadmap Original: In this essay, both views will be discussed. Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The surrounding sentences already establish both views and the writer's preference.
- 8. Use the natural preposition Original: competition in children Suggested revision: competition among children Why it matters: Among describes a competitive relationship within a group of children.
- 9. Strengthen the noun phrase Original: develop a drive to succeed Suggested revision: develop a strong drive to succeed Why it matters: Strong makes the intended motivational quality more precise.
- 10. Avoid an absolute effect Original: helps to improve Suggested revision: can improve Why it matters: Can appropriately presents improved confidence as a possible effect of competition.
- 11. Link the benefit sequence Suggested revision: Make the movement from competitive drive to real-world preparation and then confidence and motivation explicit through connected transitions. Why it matters: The paragraph currently presents related benefits as a list rather than a developing sequence.
- 12. Separate social development Suggested revision: Use the final sentence as a clearly signposted shift from workplace cooperation to community and social development. Why it matters: The last benefit changes context and needs a stronger progression cue.
Suggested Rewrites
- teaching children cooperation teaching children to cooperate
- Concerning the development of children Regarding children's development
- two different schools of thought two schools of thought
- be taught to be competitive be encouraged to compete
- to succeed later in life as preparation for later success
- cooperation is the key to success cooperation is essential for success
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay fully discusses the value of competition and cooperation while maintaining a clear, well-supported preference for cooperation. Its paragraphing, progression, vocabulary, and sentence control are consistently strong, though some ideas rely on general assertions and the repeated competition-versus-cooperation wording slightly limits sophistication. Add one concrete example and vary a few recurring terms to make an already persuasive argument more specific and polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both perspectives are developed through relevant benefits and drawbacks, and the preference for cooperation is clear, consistent, and well supported.
Add a concise real-world example showing how cooperative learning prepares children for adult teamwork.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focused paragraphs, clear topic sentences, and well-controlled contrast create an easy and logical progression from both views to the writer's judgement.
Reduce minor repetition between the cooperation paragraph and the personal-opinion paragraph to make the progression even tighter.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, accurate, and appropriate for discussing child development, motivation, teamwork, and social behaviour, with only limited repetition of the central terms.
Vary repeated references to ‘competition’ and ‘cooperation’ with precise alternatives where the meaning remains clear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used flexibly and with consistently high accuracy throughout the essay.
Maintain this control while using occasional more concise sentence patterns to sharpen emphasis.
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