Many people opine that a sense of competition in children helps them do better in life. Others refute this point of view and say that children should be co-operative to learn more and to become better persons in the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some people view the world as a competitive place and push their children to win. Others, however, value cooperation and encourage their children to share, play and work together. In this essay, I will ask if winning always means that the others loose, and whether teaching our children to win is the best preparation for life.
Competition is undoubtedly good. First of all, it pushes us to do well, both as children and adults. Our physical limits are tested in competitive sports. Competition in business helps companies to produce new products and services, and competition in politics ensures that different opinions get heard and represented. For children, learning to compete is good preparation for the world. A second point is that competition does not just mean winning: children have to learn to lose well and to learn from their mistakes. In addition, competition does not just mean success for the individual. When competing as part of a team children learn the need to share and cooperate.
However, a focus on competitiveness is not always beneficial for children. To begin with, very young children are naturally egocentric. As a result, they have to learn that there are others around them. Children have to be taught the skills of cooperation and sharing. A further point is that by learning to cooperate and work in teams, children learn to share responsibility when things go badly as well as when they go well. Finally, in our highly interdependent knowledge society, very few breakthroughs happen as a result of one person's work or ideas. No matter how brilliant an individual is, his or her work is the result of working in a team or a community. In fact, many people now believe that all learning is social, rather than individual.
In conclusion, it is almost impossible to separate these two strands of our lives. We are individuals and we need to develop a "win-win" attitude. We need to be true to ourselves and what we need, but also to think about the other person's needs. If we can help our children to do this, we will be doing future generations a huge service.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use academic verb Original: ask if Suggested revision: examine whether Why it matters: “Examine whether” describes the essay’s analytical purpose more precisely.
- 2. Correct spelling and article Original: the others loose Suggested revision: others lose Why it matters: “Lose” is the correct verb, and generic plural “others” does not need the article.
- 3. Make structure parallel Original: both as children and adults Suggested revision: both as children and as adults Why it matters: Repeating “as” creates a balanced comparison between the two life stages.
- 4. Use formal phrasing Original: get Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The passive form is more direct and formal than “get heard.”
- 5. Clarify the context Original: good preparation for the world Suggested revision: good preparation for adult life Why it matters: “Adult life” identifies the future context more precisely than “the world.”
- 6. Use natural expression Original: learn to lose well Suggested revision: learn to accept defeat gracefully Why it matters: This phrase expresses constructive behaviour after losing more naturally.
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: When competing as part of a team children Suggested revision: When competing as part of a team, children Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory dependent clause from the main clause.
- 8. Fix verb pattern Original: learn the need to share Suggested revision: learn that they need to share Why it matters: “Learn” takes a that-clause here rather than the noun phrase “the need.”
- 9. Use precise verb Original: happen Suggested revision: occur Why it matters: “Occur” is a more precise formal verb for breakthroughs.
- 10. Avoid lexical repetition Original: work is the result of working Suggested revision: achievements result from working Why it matters: This revision removes the distracting repetition of “work” while preserving the claim.
- 11. Repair parallel structure Original: be true to ourselves and what we need Suggested revision: be true to ourselves and recognise our own needs Why it matters: The coordinated phrases now have parallel verb structures and a clear meaning.
- 12. Use generic plural Original: the other person's needs Suggested revision: other people's needs Why it matters: The plural possessive form fits a general reference to the needs of others.
Suggested Rewrites
- ask if examine whether
- the others loose others lose
- both as children and adults both as children and as adults
- get are
- good preparation for the world good preparation for adult life
- learn to lose well learn to accept defeat gracefully
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its mature, balanced treatment of both competition and cooperation, supported by relevant reasoning and a clear synthesis in the conclusion. Its main limitation is that some claims remain general and the opening does not state the writer’s final position as directly as it could. Prioritise a sharper thesis that previews the balanced judgement, then support each central claim with a more specific illustration.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed fully through relevant, well-developed ideas, and the conclusion presents a clear balanced position.
State the balanced opinion explicitly in the introduction and add a more specific child-focused illustration to sharpen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and effectively.
Tighten occasional repetition of key terms so the progression feels even more economical.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary, including effective less-common items, conveys the argument flexibly despite rare slips.
Eliminate minor errors such as using “loose” for “lose” and refine any slightly general wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few errors do not affect clarity.
Polish punctuation around dependent clauses and maintain the same control in the longest sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people opine that a sense of competition in children helps them do better in life. Others refute this point of view and say that children should be co-operative to learn more and to become better persons in the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
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