Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on children's education while others argue that the effect is negative.
Sample Response
Sports, nowadays have become an integral part of the young generation. In this regard, some people believe that it is wiser to take it hand in hand with education while some argue schools are meant only for academic studies. In this essay, both these views will be discussed and a conclusion will be drawn.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove misplaced comma Original: Sports, nowadays have Suggested revision: Sports nowadays have Why it matters: Nowadays is integrated into the clause and should not be separated by a single comma.
- 2. State combination clearly Original: it is wiser to take it hand in hand with education Suggested revision: sports should be combined with education Why it matters: The original pronouns and idiom do not clearly identify what should accompany education.
- 3. Add contrast and that Original: while some argue schools Suggested revision: whereas others argue that schools Why it matters: Whereas marks the opposing view and that introduces the reported clause.
- 4. Use natural people noun Original: the young generation Suggested revision: young people's lives Why it matters: Young people's lives expresses the intended group and context more naturally.
- 5. Use concise academic term Original: academic studies Suggested revision: academic study Why it matters: Academic study works as an uncountable general activity in this context.
- 6. Use parallel view framing Suggested revision: Introduce each later body paragraph with a direct reference to educational benefits or educational drawbacks of competitive sport. Why it matters: Parallel framing would make the contrast promised in the opening easy to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- Sports, nowadays have Sports nowadays have
- it is wiser to take it hand in hand with education sports should be combined with education
- while some argue schools whereas others argue that schools
- the young generation young people's lives
- academic studies academic study
- Use parallel view framing Introduce each later body paragraph with a direct reference to educational benefits or educational drawbacks of competitive sport.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response paraphrases the disagreement clearly and uses some appropriate academic language, but it is only an introduction: neither view is analysed, no supporting idea or example is provided, and no position or conclusion appears. At 54 words, it falls drastically short of the required length, so the priority is to write two developed body paragraphs and a direct judgement supported by specific educational effects.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response merely restates the two views and announces a discussion, without answering the issue, developing any idea or presenting a position.
Explain one educational benefit and one drawback of competitive sport with examples, then state and justify a clear overall view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three introductory sentences have a locally understandable sequence, but there is no body development or overall essay progression.
Build a complete structure with an introduction, one developed paragraph for each side, and a conclusion that resolves the discussion.
Lexical Resource
The short response shows some appropriate academic vocabulary, including integral part and academic studies, though the limited sample and awkward hand in hand phrasing restrict demonstrated flexibility.
Develop topic-specific vocabulary around teamwork, motivation, pressure, academic focus and educational outcomes across a full response.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response includes simple and complex forms with generally clear meaning, but the very short sample and errors in punctuation and clause linkage limit evidence of control.
Remove the unnecessary commas around nowadays and write a precise contrast such as others argue that schools should focus solely on academic study.
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