Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Today, education has become the vital part of our life. People are opting for higher and higher qualifications these days so that they can get better jobs in future. Along with better job prospectives, there are also other benefits of acquiring university education. In this essay, I will discuss some of them.
Knowledge & learning help individual shape his future and makes him the respected person in the society. Gaining university degree not only provides the individual with the opportunity to earn more, but also increases his/her value in the society. The person becomes both socially and economically an ideal citizen which today the society demands. S/he gains self-confidence, a better personality which is acceptable in the society.
Education in formal institutes like colleges and universities offers a student to expand his/her horizon of knowledge and experience. S/he can learn about diverse cultures, manner and other important aspects of life.
Furthermore, enrollment in the university programs increases the person's understanding and knowledge; thereby, making him/her more efficient in his work and building a good career. For example, a university graduate has better ideas to run a company effectively and this quality can impress his employer and lead to his promotion in future. Higher education also leads to a healthy lifestyle. Educated people are more conscious about their health than the uneducated one. Last but not the least, obtaining a university degree raises the individual's status a step higher.
To conclude, my opinion undoubtedly is in the favour of acquiring higher studies to build up a good career as well as to shape the individual's personality which is also beneficial for the betterment of the society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: the vital part of our life Suggested revision: a vital part of our lives Why it matters: Use a for one part and lives for people in general.
- 2. Wrong noun Original: job prospectives Suggested revision: job prospects Why it matters: Prospects is the correct noun here.
- 3. Add article Original: help individual shape his future Suggested revision: help an individual shape his or her future Why it matters: Individual is a singular countable noun.
- 4. Article correction Original: makes him the respected person Suggested revision: make him a respected person Why it matters: The verb should agree with the compound subject, and a is needed.
- 5. Add article Original: Gaining university degree Suggested revision: Gaining a university degree Why it matters: Degree is a singular countable noun.
- 6. Remove article Original: the society Suggested revision: society Why it matters: Society in general usually does not need the article.
- 7. Natural phrasing Original: socially and economically an ideal citizen Suggested revision: a more socially and economically productive citizen Why it matters: This is clearer and less absolute.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: offers a student to expand Suggested revision: allows a student to expand Why it matters: Offer does not take this infinitive pattern with a person as object.
- 9. Plural noun Original: diverse cultures, manner Suggested revision: diverse cultures, manners Why it matters: Manners should be plural in this context.
- 10. Natural phrase Original: enrollment in the university programs Suggested revision: enrolment in university programs Why it matters: The article is unnecessary before university programs in general.
- 11. Natural preposition Original: more efficient in his work Suggested revision: more efficient at work Why it matters: At work is the natural phrase.
- 12. Plural reference Original: the uneducated one Suggested revision: uneducated people Why it matters: The comparison refers to a group, not one person.
Suggested Rewrites
- the vital part of our life a vital part of our lives
- job prospectives job prospects
- help individual shape his future help an individual shape his or her future
- makes him the respected person make him a respected person
- Gaining university degree Gaining a university degree
- the society society
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both employment benefits and wider personal or social benefits, and it gives a clear opinion in favour of higher education for both purposes. However, the two views are not sharply contrasted, and some claims about society and health are underdeveloped.
Create one paragraph for better jobs and one for wider benefits, then explicitly state why your opinion combines both views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is present and the essay progresses from general benefits to employment and conclusion. Some ideas overlap across paragraphs, and the second and third paragraphs are quite short.
Merge related points or expand each body paragraph with one clear topic sentence, explanation, and example.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for education and employment, but word forms and collocations are often inaccurate, such as prospectives, shape his future, and healthy lifestyle comparisons.
Use common academic collocations: job prospects, earn a degree, broaden knowledge, improve career prospects, and benefit society.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response is understandable, with a mix of sentence forms, but frequent article, agreement, and preposition errors reduce accuracy.
Check articles before singular nouns and make subjects agree with verbs, especially when using individual, degree, society, and people.