Competitive Sports Like Football Are Considered to Add a Lot of Value by Bringing People of Different States and Nationalities Together. Yet Some People Argue That These Sports Divide People on the Basis of Nationalities and Age Groups. What is Your Opinion?
Sample Response
Sports provide people with entertainment and something to get excited about and they are topics for conversation. They provide a common bond for complete strangers and a common team to cheer for. For example, Brazil has a high rate of unemployment and crime because of which Brazilians have low self-esteem. But, when the world cup starts, then the people forget all their problems. An amazing feeling of pride and patriotism comes in them and they cheer their team together.
The Olympic games are one of the best examples of how sporting events can bring people from different nations together. In ancient times, the Greeks and Romans would interrupt battles to participate in games. Even India and Pakistan forget their differences on the cricket ground and the players embrace each other after every match.
On the other hand, there are many examples of violence and conflicts that such games have brought about. Football hooliganism or football violence is well known to all. The 1985 European Cup final between Liverpool and Juventus in Heysel Stadium led to the death of 39 supporters. Any wrong decision by the referee can lead to violence. A lot of emotion and passion are involved and all reason and logic fly out of the window. That is why some people hold the opinion that such games divide people.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that competitive games generally bring people together. There are a few incidences when over-patriotism prevailed and people got divided but such incidents can be counted on the fingertips.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural preposition Original: for Suggested revision: between Why it matters: A bond shared by two or more people is naturally described as being “between” them.
- 2. Remove incorrect comma Original: But, Suggested revision: But Why it matters: A comma should not follow the coordinating conjunction at the start of this sentence.
- 3. Capitalize event name Original: world cup Suggested revision: World Cup Why it matters: The official event name is a proper noun and requires capital letters.
- 4. Remove redundant wording Original: then the people Suggested revision: people Why it matters: “Then” is redundant because the preceding “when” clause already marks the time relationship.
- 5. Fix unnatural expression Original: comes in them Suggested revision: fills them Why it matters: “Fills them” is the natural way to describe people experiencing this feeling.
- 6. Add required preposition Original: cheer their team Suggested revision: cheer for their team Why it matters: The verb requires “for” when it means supporting a team.
- 7. Capitalize proper noun Original: games Suggested revision: Games Why it matters: Both words in the event name should be capitalized.
- 8. Use precise verb Original: interrupt Suggested revision: suspend Why it matters: “Suspend” more precisely conveys temporarily stopping the battles.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: conflicts Suggested revision: conflict Why it matters: “Conflict” works naturally as an uncountable general concept alongside “violence.”
- 10. Use venue preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: “At” is the standard preposition for the venue of an event.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: death Suggested revision: deaths Why it matters: Multiple people died, so the count noun “death” must be plural.
- 12. Use formal expression Original: all reason and logic fly out of the window Suggested revision: rational judgement can be lost Why it matters: The revision avoids an informal cliché while preserving the intended meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- for between
- But, But
- world cup World Cup
- then the people people
- comes in them fills them
- cheer their team cheer for their team
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear opinion and its use of memorable examples to show both the unifying and divisive effects of competitive sport. Its main limitation is that some claims are sweeping and several expressions are unnatural, which weakens precision despite clear meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the causal analysis more carefully while replacing formulaic or inaccurate phrases with natural academic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by relevant discussion of both perspectives and several concrete examples, though some claims need fuller qualification.
Explain more precisely how the examples prove that unity generally outweighs division instead of relying on broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses coherently from unifying effects to conflict and then a clear conclusion, with generally effective paragraphing.
Strengthen links between examples and claims so each paragraph develops one analytical line rather than accumulating illustrations.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate word choices and unnatural collocations recur across the response.
Replace expressions such as incidences, comes in them, and counted on the fingertips with precise academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms with generally clear meaning, although control is uneven in some clauses and punctuation patterns.
Review article use, clause linking, and sentence boundaries to make complex structures consistently accurate and natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Competitive Sports Like Football Are Considered to Add a Lot of Value by Bringing People of Different States and Nationalities Together. Yet Some People Argue That These Sports Divide People on the Basis of Nationalities and Age Groups. What is Your Opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.