Competitiveness is considered a positive quality for people in most societies. Is it a positive or a negative trend?
Sample Response
Competitiveness is often seen as either a powerful driver of success or a harmful trait that undermines well-being and cooperation. While it can certainly motivate individuals to achieve and innovate, its drawbacks can be far more significant.
Competitiveness can be a highly positive quality when it fuels ambition and achievement in both personal and professional contexts. Regarding personal growth, individuals with a strong competitive spirit tend to set high goals and work diligently to reach them, which often translates to higher performance in education and career pursuits. Their drive to excel can foster resilience, persistence, and a proactive mindset. Furthermore, competition frequently acts as a catalyst for innovation and societal progress. In business and scientific fields, rivalries often push individuals and organizations to find novel solutions and improve efficiency. A clear example of this is the tech industry, where competition among major firms has accelerated the development of smarter devices and cutting-edge software, ultimately benefiting consumers worldwide.
Nonetheless, unchecked competitiveness can also lead to significant psychological and social drawbacks which overshadow the mentioned benefits. Regarding psychological effects, constant comparison with others and the relentless pursuit of superiority can generate intense stress, anxiety, and low self-worth—especially when individuals measure success solely in terms of outperforming peers. For instance, students in highly competitive academic environments often struggle with burnout and emotional strain, as they feel immense pressure to maintain top rankings. Additionally, extreme competitiveness can erode cooperation and empathy. When the desire to win eclipses the value of collaboration, people may become less willing to share ideas, support colleagues, or build meaningful connections, resulting in conflict and isolation in both personal and professional spheres.
In conclusion, although competitiveness can inspire innovation and high achievement, I believe its negative impact on mental health and social cohesion often outweighs these advantages. Unless carefully moderated, a competitive mindset can do more harm than good, undermining well-being and collective progress.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Sharpen the wording Original: powerful driver of success Suggested revision: strong driver of achievement Why it matters: Achievement connects more directly with the later discussion of goals and performance.
- 2. Make comparison explicit Original: far more significant Suggested revision: more significant overall Why it matters: Overall gives the comparison a clearer scope without unnecessary intensification.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: highly positive quality Suggested revision: very positive trait Why it matters: Trait is a more precise label for competitiveness as a personal characteristic.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: high Suggested revision: ambitious Why it matters: Ambitious goals is a more natural and specific collocation.
- 5. Refine the comparison Original: higher Suggested revision: better Why it matters: Better is the more natural comparative when discussing quality of performance.
- 6. Streamline the categories Original: In business and scientific fields Suggested revision: In business and science Why it matters: The concise parallel nouns express the two domains more naturally.
- 7. Use a stronger verb Original: find Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: Develop better captures the process of creating innovative solutions.
- 8. Use natural reference Original: the mentioned benefits Suggested revision: these benefits Why it matters: The demonstrative creates a more direct and idiomatic reference to the previous paragraph.
- 9. Vary the transition Original: Regarding psychological effects Suggested revision: Psychologically Why it matters: The adverb creates a more concise transition into the psychological consequences.
- 10. Clarify the comparison Original: solely in terms of outperforming peers Suggested revision: solely by whether they outperform their peers Why it matters: The revised clause states the criterion for measuring success more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- powerful driver of success strong driver of achievement
- far more significant more significant overall
- highly positive quality very positive trait
- high ambitious
- higher better
- In business and scientific fields In business and science
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response is especially strong in its precise, fully developed analysis of how competitiveness can drive achievement while damaging mental health and cooperation. The main limitation is a slightly formulaic reliance on framing phrases such as “Regarding” and “Additionally,” despite otherwise seamless progression. Greater variation in how supporting points are introduced would make the argument feel even more natural while preserving its clarity and persuasive force.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, maintains a clear negative evaluation, and supports both sides with fully relevant, well-extended ideas.
Deepen the final evaluation by briefly explaining why the social and psychological harms carry greater weight than the economic benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is exceptionally easy to follow, with purposeful paragraphing and consistently clear relationships between ideas.
Vary the repeated point-introducing patterns to make the cohesion feel less signposted and more effortless.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, with sophisticated expressions used accurately across the response.
Replace the slightly generic phrase “the mentioned benefits” with a more exact reference to innovation and achievement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with consistently strong control and virtually no noticeable errors.
Continue refining punctuation and clause rhythm so dense explanatory sentences remain as elegant as the shorter statements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Competitiveness is considered a positive quality for people in most societies. Is it a positive or a negative trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.