The best way to help underachieving pupils is to have compulsory after-school activities which they must attend. This way they will become more involved in school and their grades will improve. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Addressing the issue of underachieving pupils is crucial for fostering educational success and personal development. While some argue that compulsory after-school activities can be an effective solution to help these students, I fully agree with this proposition. This essay will delve into the reasons behind this viewpoint and provide examples to support it.
Compulsory after-school activities offer a valuable opportunity to engage underachieving pupils and ignite their interest in learning. These activities can encompass a wide range of options, such as academic support programmes, sports clubs, art workshops, or community service initiatives. By participating in these activities, students can discover new talents, develop a sense of belonging, and gain a deeper appreciation for the school environment. For example, a struggling student who attends a science club after school might find a hands-on approach to learning that sparks their curiosity. Through conducting experiments and engaging in discussions with peers and mentors, their motivation to excel in science could increase significantly. This newfound enthusiasm can have a positive ripple effect on their overall academic performance.
Moreover, compulsory after-school activities not only contribute to academic improvement but also support the holistic development of underachieving students. These activities provide a platform for students to develop important skills and qualities that extend beyond the classroom, such as teamwork, leadership, creativity, and time management. For instance, a student who struggles academically may excel in a drama club, where they can showcase their acting abilities and build self-confidence.
In conclusion, the implementation of compulsory after-school activities for underachieving learners can greatly contribute to their academic progress and personal growth. By engaging students in diverse extracurricular pursuits, schools can enhance their motivation, provide a supportive environment, and foster holistic development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove lexical redundancy Original: solution Suggested revision: way Why it matters: A solution already implies help, so “way” makes the phrase more concise.
- 2. Use concise academic verb Original: delve into Suggested revision: examine Why it matters: “Examine” states the analytical purpose more directly.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: reasons behind this viewpoint Suggested revision: reasons for this view Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 4. Match plural subject Original: offer a valuable opportunity Suggested revision: offer valuable opportunities Why it matters: The plural activities can provide multiple distinct opportunities.
- 5. Remove wordiness Original: encompass a wide range of options, such as Suggested revision: include Why it matters: “Include” introduces the examples without the redundant phrase “range of options.”
- 6. Use precise verb Original: find Suggested revision: encounter Why it matters: A student encounters or experiences an approach rather than finding it.
- 7. Use natural means phrase Original: Through Suggested revision: By Why it matters: “By” is the standard preposition for stating the means by which an outcome occurs.
- 8. Avoid stock metaphor Original: positive ripple effect Suggested revision: positive effect Why it matters: The simpler phrase is more precise in this academic context.
- 9. Use direct wording Original: provide a platform for students to develop Suggested revision: give students opportunities to develop Why it matters: The replacement states the educational function more concretely.
- 10. Use precise degree adverb Original: can greatly contribute Suggested revision: can contribute substantially Why it matters: “Substantially” expresses degree more precisely in formal prose.
Suggested Rewrites
- solution way
- delve into examine
- reasons behind this viewpoint reasons for this view
- offer a valuable opportunity offer valuable opportunities
- encompass a wide range of options, such as include
- find encounter
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is clear, well organised, and highly fluent, with the science-club example effectively showing how extracurricular engagement can improve motivation and grades. Its main limitation is that it demonstrates the value of activities more convincingly than the claim that attendance must be compulsory or that this is the best intervention. Prioritise defending compulsion against voluntary participation and briefly comparing it with targeted tutoring or other support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by well-developed benefits and examples, but the necessity of compulsion and the 'best way' claim are not fully justified.
Explain why mandatory participation would outperform voluntary clubs or targeted academic support for underachieving pupils.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, and cohesive links guide the reader smoothly from engagement to broader development.
Strengthen the bridge between personal development and improved grades so the second body paragraph advances the central claim more directly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, natural, and precise, with effective education-specific expressions and only minor repetition.
Vary repeated references to 'activities' and 'development' while preserving the existing clarity and professional tone.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only very minor lapses.
Maintain this strong control while using slightly more concise phrasing in the introduction and conclusion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The best way to help underachieving pupils is to have compulsory after-school activities which they must attend. This way they will become more involved in school and their grades will improve. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.