Education is recognised as vital to the future of any society in today’s world. Governments throughout the world should make education compulsory for all children between the ages of 5 and 15. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the given statement?
Sample Response
Nowadays, education is viewed as an essential factor in building a promising future for our society. Leaders and other governing bodies see it as a priority issue for the world's progress and development, hence, many believe that it should be mandated for children, especially, during the early stage of their development. This argument can be supported by stating its benefits, not only to children but to their parents and to the society in general. First and foremost, compulsory education for children will hone their personality in a well-controlled and well-mannered environment. For instance, teachers manage the classrooms and make sure that it is suitable for learning. They also teach their students new knowledge, guide them in learning new skills and discipline them in order to build new moral character. Thus, the school helps to hone an individual a positive personality that will soon be an asset to the society. Secondly, if the government will mandate primary education, parents will have no choice but to send their children to school. They will need to provide necessary support, not only in the moral aspects but financial aspects of schooling. These facts will promote responsible parenthood. Lastly, through mandatory education, each and every individual will have an understanding and greater awareness of the issues to make the world a better place. Therefore, eliminating ignorance and illiteracy that create gaps within the society can be done through the mandatory education system. In fact, the schooling of children in many countries is mandatory and it reflects the needs of education for all in the societies. In summary, the benefits brought about by compulsory education are beneficial and is a vital factor in the society's development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix sentence boundary Original: development, hence, many Suggested revision: development; hence, many Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before the conjunctive adverb joining two independent clauses.
- 2. Remove misplaced comma Original: especially, during Suggested revision: especially during Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates 'especially' from the phrase it modifies.
- 3. Make structure parallel Original: not only to children but to their parents and to the society Suggested revision: not only for children but also for their parents and society Why it matters: The paired construction requires parallel prepositions and the correlative 'also'.
- 4. Use natural development verb Original: hone their personality Suggested revision: shape their personalities Why it matters: 'Shape personalities' is the natural collocation, and the plural agrees with 'children'.
- 5. Describe environment naturally Original: well-controlled and well-mannered environment Suggested revision: well-managed and orderly environment Why it matters: An environment can be orderly, whereas 'well-mannered' normally describes a person.
- 6. Use possessive classroom reference Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive determiner naturally links teachers with the classrooms they manage.
- 7. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it is suitable for learning Suggested revision: the environment is suitable for learning Why it matters: The singular pronoun has no clear antecedent because 'classrooms' is plural.
- 8. Use natural teaching phrase Original: knowledge Suggested revision: concepts Why it matters: Teachers impart knowledge or teach concepts; 'teach new knowledge' is an awkward collocation.
- 9. Clarify character development Original: discipline them in order to build new moral character Suggested revision: guide their behaviour to develop strong moral character Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended educational role with natural collocations.
- 10. Correct conditional tense Original: if the government will mandate Suggested revision: if the government mandates Why it matters: The present simple, not 'will', is used in this conditional clause.
- 11. Add definite article Original: provide necessary support Suggested revision: provide the necessary support Why it matters: The specified support required for schooling takes the definite article.
- 12. Repair paired structure Original: not only in the moral aspects but financial aspects Suggested revision: both morally and financially Why it matters: The revision creates a concise, parallel expression of the two forms of support.
Suggested Rewrites
- development, hence, many development; hence, many
- especially, during especially during
- not only to children but to their parents and to the society not only for children but also for their parents and society
- hone their personality shape their personalities
- well-controlled and well-mannered environment well-managed and orderly environment
- the their
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response consistently supports compulsory education and develops relevant benefits for children, parents, and society, including personal development and reduced illiteracy. Its main limitation is that the writer's degree of agreement is implied rather than explicitly stated, while the one-paragraph structure and repetitive language weaken the argument's impact. The highest-priority improvement is to state a clear position in the introduction and develop the strongest social and educational benefits in separate, focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the proposition through several relevant benefits, but the personal position is indirect and some supporting claims remain general.
State full or qualified agreement explicitly and explain how compulsory schooling for ages five to fifteen produces each claimed benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of benefits is discernible through enumerating language, but the entire essay forms one paragraph and progression becomes mechanical.
Use an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, grouping benefits for children separately from wider social effects.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate education-related range, but repetition and inaccurate collocations reduce flexibility and precision.
Replace repeated forms with precise phrases such as 'develop character', 'provide financial support', 'promote literacy', and 'benefit society'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, though errors in agreement, conditionals, articles, and parallel phrasing occur regularly.
Revise forms such as 'if the government mandates', 'both moral and financial support', and 'the benefits are vital to society's development'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Education is recognised as vital to the future of any society in today’s world. Governments throughout the world should make education compulsory for all children between the ages of 5 and 15. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the given statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.