Some people believe that some unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (e.g. working in a charity, improving the relationship of neighbourhood or teaching sports to children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The youth of today are generally considered to lack social knowledge and experience which are of crucial importance in their future development. To solve this problem, some people suggest that they should undertake a period of voluntary work in the local community during their high school. Personally, I think its pros far outweigh the cons.
Undoubtedly, it can be a win-win approach – that is, it will benefit both the young and the community enormously if young high school students do a certain period of unpaid work. By helping the elderly, the sick and the disabled directly or participating in charitable activities like raising funds or offering free consultation, young people will certainly gain and accumulate some valuable first-hand experience and know more about the society.
Moreover, young people with such experiences are more likely to become the most motivated ones in academic study or at work, and eventually become responsible citizens of the society. As far as the community is concerned, it will definitely become better with so many zealous young volunteers who are ready to help.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix time expression Original: during their high school Suggested revision: during high school Why it matters: The general period of secondary education does not take a possessive determiner here.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: young high school students Suggested revision: high school students Why it matters: “High school students” already identifies the group as young people.
- 3. Improve work collocation Original: do a certain period of unpaid work Suggested revision: undertake a period of unpaid work Why it matters: “Undertake a period of work” is more natural and formal than “do a period.”
- 4. Use plural service noun Original: consultation Suggested revision: consultations Why it matters: The countable service is normally plural when offered to members of the community.
- 5. Remove repetition Original: gain and accumulate Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: The two verbs repeat the same meaning in this context.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: know more about the society Suggested revision: learn more about society Why it matters: “Learn about society” is the natural expression, and society in general takes no article.
- 7. Avoid vague reference Original: the most motivated ones Suggested revision: more motivated individuals Why it matters: This wording removes the vague substitute “ones” and avoids an unsupported absolute superlative.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: in academic study Suggested revision: in their studies Why it matters: “In their studies” is the natural phrase for students’ academic work.
- 9. Remove redundant phrase Original: citizens of the society Suggested revision: citizens Why it matters: The noun “citizens” already expresses membership in society.
- 10. State benefit precisely Original: will definitely become better with Suggested revision: will undoubtedly benefit from Why it matters: The replacement expresses the community’s gain more precisely and naturally.
- 11. Choose suitable tone Original: zealous Suggested revision: committed Why it matters: “Committed” conveys dedication without the overly intense connotation of “zealous.”
Suggested Rewrites
- during their high school during high school
- young high school students high school students
- do a certain period of unpaid work undertake a period of unpaid work
- consultation consultations
- gain and accumulate gain
- know more about the society learn more about society
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its fluent explanation of how compulsory community service could benefit both students and their communities. Its main limitation is substantial underlength: at 177 words, it offers only a narrow positive case, does not fully examine the compulsory aspect, and ends without a conclusion. The highest-priority improvement is to add a developed paragraph addressing implementation or a possible objection, then close by restating a precise position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear supportive position and relevant benefits, but its underlength and limited treatment of compulsion leave the argument insufficiently developed.
Reach the required length by analysing why participation should be compulsory, addressing a plausible concern, and providing a clear conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The short response progresses clearly from position to benefits for students and the community, with effective paragraph-level organization.
Complete the progression with a fuller second body argument and a concluding paragraph that draws the reasoning together.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and often effective, including precise terms such as “first-hand experience” and “zealous,” though some phrasing is unnatural.
Improve naturalness in phrases such as “during high school,” “learn more about society,” and “responsible members of society.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with good control, and only occasional minor errors or awkward structures are evident.
Maintain the range while checking possessives and reference carefully, particularly the missing apostrophe in “its pros.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that some unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (e.g. working in a charity, improving the relationship of neighbourhood or teaching sports to children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.