Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means, others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Children nowadays spend several hours playing video games; since the last few years these games have become increasingly popular. While some experts think that these games corrupt the brain, some others also feel that computer games may actually teach kids high-level thinking skills for their future. This essay shall consider both perspectives and end at a personal approach.
Parents usually complain of their child being addicted to video games, like playing for 2 hours at a stretch, but practically but the time issue is a red herring. This is a normal time for a child to play – video game or otherwise. Another issue is of these games being too violent. Although there’s no concrete research linking violent games to violence in real life, common sense says we should limit a child’s exposure as such games glamorize violence and are not realistic. Playing video games can be considered to be an addiction or detrimental if it disrupts or compromises other important things in children’s life, for instance if they can’t concentrate on their homework because of gaming or have no friendships.
When a child plays video games, it gives his brain a real workout. In many video games, the skills required to win involve abstract and high level thinking. In shooting games, the character may be running and shooting at the same time, which develops hand-eye coordination, fine motor and spatial skills. In strategy games, for example, while developing a city, an unexpected surprise like an enemy attack might emerge. This forces the player to be flexible and quickly change tactics enabling quick thinking and making fast analysis. Because of all these factors, video games are deemed to be more constructive than harming.
In closing, I’d say computer games are contributing to children’s development, though in an unconventional sort of way. We cannot deny that we are now living in a high-tech, sophisticated world so an all-out negative attitude towards computer gaming is not reasonable. Level-headedness in such matters can help curb the damaging effects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant determiner Original: some others also feel Suggested revision: others feel Why it matters: Others already functions as a pronoun, making some and also redundant here.
- 2. Natural time phrase Original: their Suggested revision: the Why it matters: For the future is the idiomatic phrase for skills needed later in life.
- 3. Use finite clause Original: complain of their child being addicted Suggested revision: complain that their child is addicted Why it matters: A that-clause expresses the parents' complaint more naturally.
- 4. Formal example phrasing Original: like playing for 2 hours at a stretch Suggested revision: for example, by playing for two hours at a time Why it matters: This version introduces the example clearly and uses a more formal time expression.
- 5. Remove duplicated linker Original: but practically but Suggested revision: but in practice Why it matters: The repeated conjunction is erroneous, and in practice is the correct adverbial phrase.
- 6. Clarify alternative activity Original: video game or otherwise Suggested revision: whether video games or something else Why it matters: The original singular phrase does not clearly express the intended contrast with other activities.
- 7. Correct clause pattern Original: Another issue is of these games being too violent Suggested revision: Another concern is that these games are too violent Why it matters: A finite that-clause is required after this introductory noun phrase.
- 8. Correct causal linker Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: As does not express the intended reason clearly in this clause.
- 9. Clarify result link Original: which develops Suggested revision: thereby developing Why it matters: This makes the result refer clearly to the simultaneous actions rather than ambiguously to time.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: surprise Suggested revision: event Why it matters: A surprise is inherently unexpected, so the original phrase is redundant.
- 11. Use parallel verbs Original: quickly change tactics enabling quick thinking and making fast analysis Suggested revision: quickly change tactics, think quickly, and analyse situations rapidly Why it matters: Parallel verb forms are needed after forces the player to.
- 12. Match adjective forms Original: more constructive than harming Suggested revision: more beneficial than harmful Why it matters: The comparison requires parallel adjectives rather than an adjective and a participle.
Suggested Rewrites
- some others also feel others feel
- their the
- complain of their child being addicted complain that their child is addicted
- like playing for 2 hours at a stretch for example, by playing for two hours at a time
- but practically but but in practice
- video game or otherwise whether video games or something else
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its specific, well-developed examples showing both the risks and cognitive benefits of gaming, and it maintains a clear opinion in the conclusion. Some reasoning is uneven—the dismissal of time concerns is asserted rather than fully justified—and several awkward phrases and sentence-level slips weaken polish. Prioritise sharper development of the negative case and revise complex sentences for natural, precise expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed with relevant explanation and examples, and the writer's favourable but qualified opinion is clear.
Develop the negative perspective more consistently, especially the claim that time spent gaming is not a genuine concern.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into purposeful paragraphs with clear progression and generally effective referencing.
Tighten the links between claims and evidence so that qualifications do not interrupt the argument's flow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, including effective topic-specific language, despite several unnatural collocations.
Refine phrases such as making fast analysis and more constructive than harming into idiomatic academic English.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex sentences, but recurring errors in phrasing, articles, agreement, and clause connection reduce control.
Edit long sentences for clean clause boundaries and correct small grammatical slips before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means, others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.