Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
Sample Response
Access to computers has increased significantly over recent decades, and the number of children playing games on computers has increased too. This essay will consider the positive and negative impacts of this and discuss ways to avoid the potential negative effects.
With regards to the positive effects, playing computer games can develop children’s cognitive skills. Many popular games require abstract and high level thinking skills in order to win, skills that may not be taught at school. For example, children need to follow instructions, solve complex problems and use logic in many of the games that are currently popular. Such experience will be beneficial to a child’s progression into an adult.
However, concerns have been raised about the prolific use of computer games by children, much of this related to the violence they contain. The problem is that in many of the games children are rewarded for being more violent, and this violence is repeated again and again. For instance, many games involve children helping their character to kill, kick, stab and shoot. This may lead to increased aggressive feelings, thoughts, and behaviours.
In order to minimize these negative impacts, parents need to take certain steps. Firstly, some video games are rated according to their content, so parents must check this and ensure their children are not allowed to have access to games that are unsuitable. Parents can also set limits on the length of time games are played. Finally, parents should also take an active interest in the games their children are playing so they can find out how they feel about what they are observing.
To sum up, there are benefits of computer games, but there are disadvantages too. However, if parents take adequate precautions, the severity of these negative impacts can be avoided.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Place additive adverb Original: has increased too Suggested revision: has also increased Why it matters: Placing 'also' before the main verb creates smoother formal coordination.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: impacts of this Suggested revision: impacts of computer gaming Why it matters: Naming the activity directly makes the reference more precise.
- 3. Correct fixed phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard fixed expression is 'with regard to' in the singular.
- 4. Hyphenate compound modifier Original: high level thinking skills Suggested revision: high-level thinking skills Why it matters: The compound modifier before the noun should be hyphenated.
- 5. Use plural reference Original: experience Suggested revision: experiences Why it matters: The plural better refers to the several game-based activities described in the preceding sentence.
- 6. Correct development collocation Original: progression into an adult Suggested revision: development into adulthood Why it matters: 'Development into adulthood' is the natural expression for a child's maturation.
- 7. Choose accurate adjective Original: prolific Suggested revision: extensive Why it matters: 'Extensive' describes frequent or widespread use, whereas 'prolific' normally describes productive output.
- 8. Mark introductory phrase Original: in many of the games children Suggested revision: in many games, children Why it matters: The introductory prepositional phrase should be followed by a comma, and the definite article is unnecessary.
- 9. Clarify pronoun reference Original: check this Suggested revision: check these ratings Why it matters: The explicit noun makes clear what parents are expected to check.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: are not allowed to have access to games Suggested revision: cannot access games Why it matters: The concise replacement preserves the restriction without the wordy passive construction.
- 11. Correct impact collocation Original: the severity of these negative impacts can be avoided Suggested revision: these negative impacts can be reduced Why it matters: Impacts can be reduced, while their severity cannot logically be 'avoided'.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Finally, parents should also take an active interest in the games their children are playing so they can find out how they feel about what they are observing. Suggested revision: Finally, parents should take an active interest in the games their children play so that parents can understand how their children feel about what they are observing. Why it matters: The rewrite removes redundant linking and resolves the unclear references of 'they' and 'their'.
Suggested Rewrites
- has increased too has also increased
- impacts of this impacts of computer gaming
- regards regard
- high level thinking skills high-level thinking skills
- experience experiences
- progression into an adult development into adulthood
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses the benefits, harms, and ways to limit harm, supporting each part with relevant explanation and examples in a very clear progression. Its main limitation is a small number of awkward lexical choices and isolated grammatical lapses, so the highest-priority improvement is to refine collocations and sentence phrasing while retaining the focused development and controlled organisation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are addressed directly and developed with specific, relevant explanations and examples.
Deepen the positive-effects discussion slightly by explaining how the cited cognitive skills may transfer beyond gameplay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall progression, well-controlled paragraphing, and cohesive links that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Vary the opening links in the solution paragraph so the sequence feels slightly less enumerative.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and generally precise, though a few collocations such as prolific use and progression into an adult are awkward.
Refine these isolated collocations by choosing more idiomatic phrases such as extensive use and development into adulthood.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentences is handled accurately, with only rare lapses that do not impede meaning.
Polish the isolated compressed clause in much of this related to the violence they contain by adding a finite verb or clearer subordination.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.