Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with?
Sample Response
Man, through the ages has undergone many changes from the time when he depicted a herd of mammoths on the walls of a cave to nowadays when he can chat with anyone across the sea by use of modern means of communication. Some people think that in today's world government should spend more money on computers. However, others think that it is inappropriate and the government should spend more money on food and shelters for poor people, medicine, education, etc. These two options are very different and controversial. But I think that developing computer technology brings people more advantages than they think it does. First of all, humankind nowadays more and more depends on computers. We often do not suspect the presence of computers around us. For example, when we withdraw money from cash machines, get some gasoline on the gas station and pay with our credit cards in the stores. So, nowadays computer technology plays an essential role in our everyday life. Second, computer technology brings more job opportunities. For a country, the computer technology means power, knowledge and constant development. In addition to those practical benefits, the development of computer technology brings a lot of money to the country. From the other side, the government should not forget about poor people, who can not afford computers but need food and shelters. However, I think that computers help people gain more knowledge and experience and find a job to provide food and home for his family. So, basically, computers give people the opportunity to reach their goals and be innovative. To sum up, I think that computer technology gives people many benefits including the opportunity to improve one's knowledge and be more self-confident, persistent and experienced in this world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix punctuation and number Original: in today's world government Suggested revision: in today's world, governments Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma, and the general claim requires the plural noun “governments.”
- 2. Use uncountable shelter Original: shelters Suggested revision: shelter Why it matters: “Shelter” is normally uncountable when referring generally to the basic need for housing.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: brings people more advantages than they think it does Suggested revision: offers people more advantages than they realise Why it matters: The revised wording avoids the awkward verb and repetitive pronoun structure.
- 4. Correct adverb placement Original: humankind nowadays more and more depends Suggested revision: humankind increasingly depends Why it matters: “Increasingly” belongs before the main verb in this clause.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: do not suspect the presence Suggested revision: are often unaware of the presence Why it matters: “Unaware of” naturally describes failing to notice that computers are present.
- 6. Remove the article Original: the computer technology means Suggested revision: computer technology represents Why it matters: The uncountable general noun does not take “the,” and “represents” fits the stated meaning.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: brings a lot of money to the country Suggested revision: generates substantial income for the country Why it matters: The revision expresses the economic benefit in a more precise academic register.
- 8. Correct the contrast marker Original: From the other side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: “On the other hand” is the standard phrase for introducing the opposing consideration.
- 9. Use standard spelling Original: can not Suggested revision: are unable to Why it matters: The revised phrase uses a standard negative construction and fits the formal register.
- 10. Use uncountable shelter Original: shelters Suggested revision: shelter Why it matters: “Shelter” is uncountable when it refers generally to housing as a basic need.
- 11. Fix articles and agreement Original: provide food and home for his family Suggested revision: provide food and a home for their families Why it matters: “Home” needs an article, and the pronouns must agree with the plural noun “people.”
- 12. Set off the example Original: many benefits including Suggested revision: many benefits, including Why it matters: A comma helps mark the following phrase as an example of the stated benefits.
Suggested Rewrites
- in today's world government in today's world, governments
- shelters shelter
- brings people more advantages than they think it does offers people more advantages than they realise
- humankind nowadays more and more depends humankind increasingly depends
- do not suspect the presence are often unaware of the presence
- the computer technology means computer technology represents
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a consistent preference for investment in computer technology and supplies several understandable benefits, including daily utility, employment, and economic development. However, the support remains general and does not sufficiently examine the government's spending choice or the extreme idea of spending as much as possible, while the single-paragraph format weakens organisation. Prioritise a focused comparison of technology funding with basic needs, developed across distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant reasons are given, but the central budget trade-off and the phrase as much money as possible receive limited analysis.
Explain why technology should take priority over specific basic needs while acknowledging reasonable limits on government spending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally clear sequence, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph and using mechanical transitions weaken cohesion.
Separate the introduction, main reasons, counterpoint, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient range for the topic, though repetition and several inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Replace repeated general terms such as brings and opportunity with more precise language for investment, productivity, and public services.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are mixed, but recurring article, preposition, agreement, and sentence-fragment errors limit control.
Review article use and ensure examples beginning with when are attached to complete main clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.