Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Modern era is technological era. Computer become a integral part of our life. Youngsters use it in many ways. In my opinion it has more positive impacts than negative on young generation.
First of all, Computer help the children in their studies. They search many type of information related to their studies through internet. They get more ideas related to any particular topic which enhance their knowledge.
Secondly, it helps to improve there skills. With the help of social sites like facebook, twitter they interact with their friends, kith-kin. It helps them to increase their capability to communicate with others. Moreover, they become perfect in their work, they become literate in computer. Which would help them in their career also. Then everywhere is demand of computer it would helps to organisations to find perfect match for job. Then, they need not to trained staff, they can get efficient persons.
However, one of the major drawback is that it invite many health problems among young children they spent long hours in front of computers which effect on their eyes, obesity is another problem for them. Furthermore it increase gap between parents and their child they spent most of their time on computer rather than talk to their guardian.
In nutshell, I would like to say that even computer has many pros and cons. Parents should fix sometime to use the computer and also restrict on websites.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct number and tense Original: Computer become Suggested revision: Computers have become Why it matters: The general plural subject needs a plural verb, and present perfect suits the change over time.
- 2. Correct the article Original: a Suggested revision: an Why it matters: Use 'an' before a word beginning with a vowel sound.
- 3. Use plural agreement Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive 'our' refers to the lives of multiple people.
- 4. Add the article Original: on young generation Suggested revision: on the younger generation Why it matters: This singular collective noun phrase requires the definite article.
- 5. Correct subject agreement Original: Computer Suggested revision: Computers Why it matters: A general statement needs the plural noun 'computers' with the plural verb 'help'.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: type Suggested revision: types Why it matters: 'Many' must be followed by a plural countable noun.
- 7. Correct preposition and article Original: through internet Suggested revision: on the internet Why it matters: The standard phrase is 'on the internet'.
- 8. Correct the possessive Original: there Suggested revision: their Why it matters: 'Their' is the possessive determiner needed before 'skills'.
- 9. Capitalise proper names Original: facebook, twitter Suggested revision: Facebook and Twitter Why it matters: Platform names require capital letters, and 'and' correctly joins the two examples.
- 10. Use natural noun Original: kith-kin Suggested revision: relatives Why it matters: 'Kith-kin' is malformed; 'relatives' clearly conveys the intended meaning.
- 11. Use standard term Original: literate in computer Suggested revision: computer-literate Why it matters: 'Computer-literate' is the established adjective for having computer skills.
- 12. Correct the verb structure Original: need not to trained staff Suggested revision: do not need to train staff Why it matters: After 'need to', the verb must be in its base form, and the sentence requires a finite auxiliary.
Suggested Rewrites
- Computer become Computers have become
- a an
- life lives
- on young generation on the younger generation
- Computer Computers
- type types
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states a clear disagreement and presents recognizable benefits and drawbacks in separate paragraphs, so its general direction is easy to follow. However, it is under length, several supporting points are brief or drift away from young children, and frequent sentence-level errors reduce clarity. The highest priority is to develop two directly relevant reasons more fully while using accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is stated and both sides are mentioned, but development is limited, partly irrelevant, and weakened by the short length.
Develop two direct effects on young children with specific explanations, and reaffirm the stated position in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and sequencing are evident, but progression is mechanical and several run-on sentences obscure relationships between ideas.
Organise each body paragraph around one main claim and use full stops before introducing a new supporting point.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent word-form, spelling, and collocation errors limit precision.
Use accurate topic phrases such as computer literacy, health problems, and communication skills, and proofread word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some simple and complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, tense, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Build accurate subject-verb agreement in complete sentences before adding more complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.